Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 I think she's doing the same to me. Cancelling a date says enough I guess, and me being an a**h***, well I wasn't nice but I wasn't mean either. Just told her I wasn't pleased she flaked and she should be able to understand that as well. Send her a card and an E-mail and tried to call her. She ignores me completely so I'll ignore her completely from now on. She could have send q reply to the card, she could have answered my E-mail already but she hasn't done anything. So I think she's indeed not interested. I've learned from this one though. First time someone does this to me (seems to be more common then I thought, browsing the web). From now on I know how to handle it. It started as infatuation when we worked together, and I guess we were probably only physically atracted to each other (She thought I was hot according to her friends) and she knows that. Now she found out that I am an a**h***, its completely over If I were her I would be so decent to send me a nice little mail to either tell me she's not interested or at least how she feels. I reckon I won't hear anything from her. Not even going to try it in two weeks. Just going to let things go. (Its her birthday this wednesday, wont send her a card). So to summ it all up, she was either: A.Not interested in me at all and flaked because of it. B.Interested but lost her interest because I didn't respond like a wussy.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 Well, got an E-mail. She still wants to go sometime. But now as friends. (She doens't want a boyfriend because she is so busy). When accepting my date she knew I had more then a friendlike interest in her, because I sent her a valentine. I politely declined. Was this the same girl that was doing eveything in the book to get me to notice her at first? Giving me all those signals. Who liked me that much according to her friends. Who thought of me as hot. Strange. So the theories are very true. By giving her too much attention and acting needy I classified myself as a wussy and as someone that is to available (called her a few times, two E-mails in two days). So I got myself straight into... the friends zone. I don't want that so I replied to her E-mail saying the following things: I asked you out because I liked you in class and I wanted to get to know you better. Not as a friend. I have lots of friends and girlfriends already and I don't have much time on my hands. So lets just forget about our night out. Have a nice birhday and fun sporting.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 One thing, this is a positive point. Even if a girl likes your looks you can blow it all by acting liek a wussy. So looks don't count
kitkat826 Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 So the theories are very true. By giving her too much attention and acting needy I classified myself as a wussy and as someone that is to available (called her a few times, two E-mails in two days). So I got myself straight into... the friends zone. ...the transition probably went something more like "inconsiderate/mean zone" to "overbearing zone" to "hey I'm bored, it'd be cool to have someone to hang out with zone". Sorry.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Well, yeah I agree. I probably blew it right there when she called me. So I shouldn't care to much about this. Lesson learned. If someone flakes on me again I'll be considerate and have a plan. I ussually am considerate though. Am I such an a**h***?
amerikajin Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Dude, I'm not so sure I would have declined the offer. She might have been testing the waters. I think there was obviously interest on her part, and the fact that she gave you another chance to hook up shows that there's at least something there. Be careful about playing games and obeying too many rules when you date. You'll end up thinking about the relationship too much and you'll screw yourself out of a potential partner. I think that's what happened here. You were too concerned with not appearing to be some kind of wuss that you instead came across as a bit rude. In the end, the result is the same - you lost the chick. Not taking shots here, as I've done the same thing myself. The only rules I'd follow are the basics: - don't let her see you get angry or frustrated - ever - contrary to popular theory, it's rare for a guy to come on too weak...he almost always comes on too strong - be patient and let things happen on their own time.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Well she told me she wanted to go as friends and don't give me wrong impressions. Clear enough. Her testing the waters? In what way? There are multiple girls interested in me, and I kinda acted out of the initial infatuation (that was over already, because I aked her out way to late) with this girl. Guess I was having high hopes because she was giving me all those signs of interest in spades. Thinking to much about things was wrong indeed. Coming of as a bit rude probably turned everything around. Coming on to strong after that made matters worse. Tried to save something that couldn't be saved. I totally agree, lost the girl and its my own fault.
amerikajin Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I mean how could I make my moves? (The ones I usually make during a (second) date that goes well: friendly touching, holding hands, and a real kiss). Don't time this stuff. If it feels like the opportunity for a kiss is there on the first date, go for it on the first date. If you have to wait until the third or fourth date, then wait for it...if you're still interested in her, that is. Usually hot chicks know they're hot and they hold out a little longer than the average girls. This is for several reasons - 1) they get hit on all the time and know they've got other options, so they can afford to sit back and watch things unfold; 2) they want to see what you're all about before they get physical. It's a way to separate the wheat from the chaffe. It's probably a good idea to move on at this point, but you never know, it could have been her way of saying that if she felt comfortable around you again that she might have let you back in. I mean, if she was totally uncomfortable around you, she would have outright avoided you, right? Women will rarely ever come out and say "I'm interested" or "I'm not interested". They just go with their instincts and try to communicate through their behavior until we figure it out.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Well moving on. Was so pleased with my own response to her mail. (Telling her I don't want to go out as friends) only to read your reply and think, he's right. Could have just tried to go out with her again on the terms she described. But then again, I'm not so enthousiastic anymore to even bother to date her. (I know the dating stuff. Put second in between lines because thats always been the most comon date for things to happen for me.)
Mary3 Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I will speak from a female perspective : She probrobly did have a serious Migraine headache and when you were pissed that you had 2 tickets in your hand and no Sympathy ,. she realized what she was really dealing with.... I think you struck out big time. But of course, there is a likelyhood that after she calms down she might be interested again BUT she told you she just wants to be your friend now. That just means no Sex . Just Buddys. Don't know what further advice to offer other than when you said " Well I will just take someone else out " I think that was the death blow to anything happening in the future. But miracles can happen here......I would just honestly learn from your behavior and chalk it up to a lesson learned...
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Was I such an a**h***? (My friends would be proud... but feel stupid about it myself) Well, with friends I'm usually way more considerate. I think you are right. By acting annoyed and telling her i alreday had tickets and that I thought she called me way to late I wasn't being considerate. Blew it right there!
Guest Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 This is the last as you have captured a steal mans heart only to return it at a later hour. Do not take just to return. It is best to go on and leave and not counteract what you took. Will again, or let's say plant the evil canevil as dburry. I am not say ing all are wrong as whom, but enough said and I will never write as i obviously am wrong about you. Stay away from all that buries the ill toward men. I shall do the same. God be with you and step step away with all that you chose to do. I choose to move on. I am single and prefer that, especially now.
Mary3 Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Its okay SF ! I was thinking what if you sent her some flowers ? You know 1-800-Flowers . If I were her and you did what you did and then you sent me flowers, I would realize you knew you fu**ed up and I would that was awesome @! Is she worth flowers to you ?
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 haha, well she made it really clear that she wanted to go to the movies sometime but as friends. I replied I didn't feel like that. I did send her a sweet E-card to wish her well the same night, and an E-mail later on. So sending her flowers now would make it, rather strange.... Could have done it like this: Dont do anything right away, send her flowers later on. Now its to late for that. Can't save this anyomore so it is better to move on. (In the end we dont fit together that well, was purely acting on infatuation of a few months back, I should also note that i shouldnt stick in that myself.
Mary3 Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I normally suggest moving on but if it were just your rudeness that offended her then now is the time to show her what a sweet guy you really are... Its your choice to walk away . But I ask : How important is she to you ? A hottie ? A fling ? A girl you want in your life seriously ? I think your answer tells you what to do next
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 I like her looks and eyes. But I know we arent compatible when it comes to ways of life. She's always busy with sports. And even though I train daily, to keep in shape I can't envision myself with a girl who decides sports is more important than anything. (To illustrate this, she got a headache because she went training on her bicycle in the rain in the morning before our date, while I went to work and went to bed for two hours as soon as I got home to make sure I was in great shape for the date). Different priority's I guess. Came to that conclusion before the date. But atraction was really strong in the beginning, so I still wanted to ask her out. Guess I did that to late. Infatuation must have been very strong though, even put another pretty girl that likes me on a hold because I wanted to see how the date with this girl would end up being.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Having the day off and having so much fun. (Chating with friends, on MSN in the morning and listening Brian Wilson ). I like the reply's and learned quite a bit.
Mary3 Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I kinda look at this as something to conquer. Do you really want to give up on this girl ? She is into sports. Would that bug you later ?
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 haha, please don't confuse me now Something to conquer? I mean if I keep on trying, woulnd't it make me frustrated? Happier moving on and being happy. I can't look inside her head. If a girl tells me she wants to go to the cinema but wants to go as friends and nothing more, I don't think I should waste my time on her. Could you explain what you mean by something to conquer? I'm just going to ignore her now. Only an E-card for her birthday wednesday (even send that to those to people I hardly know, but its rude not to send aything when you know its someone's birtday). If she wants me to do something she'll let me know in some way I guess. Her being into sports wont bug me that much (would give me space) but on the other hand if she thinks that is more important then other things. She thought I looked good, well I'm a good looking a**h*** in her eyes. Maybe she even thinks I'm uggly now because of it. Sending flowers will probably make me look silly and make her think I don't have any other options and that I'm obsessed with her (Maybe I even was during the last two days)
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Dude, I'm not so sure I would have declined the offer. She might have been testing the waters. I think there was obviously interest on her part, and the fact that she gave you another chance to hook up shows that there's at least something there. Testing the waters? In what way? I think she wants to drown me... lol I like swimming though
blind_otter Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Was I such an a**h***? (My friends would be proud... but feel stupid about it myself) Well, with friends I'm usually way more considerate. I think you are right. By acting annoyed and telling her i alreday had tickets and that I thought she called me way to late I wasn't being considerate. Blew it right there! Well it's not like you can schedule when you have a migrane.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Well it's not like you can schedule when you have a migrane. I always plan my migrains ten days in advance You are so right!
PlentyLV007 Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Don't call her anymore, you've done all you can and honestly, I'm a chick and I would have been like "awwww how gay", with the ecard and all. I mean a text would have been more better than an ecard. Especially when cancelling a "first date". Honestly let her call you now. You did do the nice thing...too nice if you ask me but, no more calls. Even if you c her on MSN...don't say anything. She'll "wonder" why IF she is still interested. If you don't get a call by the end of the week for her to schedule a date. FORGET IT! NEXT!
Mary3 Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Hey you should do what your best instincts tell you. If moving on is a better idea ...then do it
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 Feel great after not making another date (as friends, lol). My instinct tells me this is the best way to handle it. She flaked with a good reason. I responded saying I thought it wasn't nice she did that and that I had to find someone else to go with because I had tickets. (Guess I didn't trust her or something) An E-card and stuff can't change that. It bothered me that I wasn't considerate and thats why I send those mails and tried to call her, but then again sometimes you act like an ass. With friends its easy if something like this happens, common history and friendship make it easy to overcome with a simple excuse on my part. But that is impossible if those things are lacking. First I was an ass, then I was to nice, because I felt sorry for my behaviour. I guess I shouldn't have worried about that. (Not answering a cellphone is rude a well). Had a great laugh about it though. Told the story to a friend, and he said: You would never flake, would you? (While last week I canceled a date with friends an hour before we were supposed to go, because I got ill). Glad people give me a mirror sometimes. (Strange she still wanted to go out as friends, after this, I wouldn't be a nice friend, would I?) (My only true friend is my rubber ducky, though )
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