TheSwordfish Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 Well, I was supposed to have a date yesterday. The girl mailed me the day before that she was looking forward to the date and we had concrete plans. Two hours before I was supposed to pick her up at her place she calls me. She has migraine (severre headache) has taken medication, but it didn't make things better. She wanted to go, and waited with calling hoping things would get better but she felt to bad to go out. I wasn't please with that and I told her so. Told her I found it rather rude she called me that late. After that I said she couldn't help it she had an headache and wished her well. She said she wanted to make new plans, but I didn't respond right away. Now I don't know what to think. I do beleive her story. So I figured to call her up this afternoon to do two things: A.Aks how she feels now (being interested) B.Secure a new date If she was making an excuse she'll refuse my new offer. otherwise she will come with a counteroffer. Anyone that ha sother ideas that might help? Is that a good idea?
jeffrey746 Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 I'm thinking you could have been a bit more understanding, I mean she did tell you already that she wanted to re-schedule. If you acted pissed at her for canceling then she may have 2nd thoughts about wanting to actually go out with you. Think how you might have felt being in her shoes. Women have a lot of health issues. An ex of mine i went out with for 3 years used to get sick like every 3 months, no she wasnt faking it. For some people severe migranes are common and she may not have gotten to that point of telling you....Bottom line sounds like she feels bad enough already espically if she took the time to write you the day before and tell you she was looking forward to it.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 You're right, I probably blew it.... I tried to call but no one answered the phone. I send her an E-card yesterday night, wishing her well and telling her I was hoping she would feel better soon. (I sincerely mean it) And that I would call today. I'm going to try it once more, don't expect her to answer the phone though......
westernxer Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 I wouldn't sweat it. Maybe she did have a migraine, but it's only a first date, where anything goes. Call her up and see if she's game again. If she backs out, don't even address it. Just send her a bottle of Motrin and leave her be.
2sunny Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 You're right, I probably blew it.... I tried to call but no one answered the phone. I send her an E-card yesterday night, wishing her well and telling her I was hoping she would feel better soon. (I sincerely mean it) And that I would call today. I'm going to try it once more, don't expect her to answer the phone though...... FYI - A migraine is debilitating! If you have never had one, it is too hard to understand that you cannot function when you have one. I only had mine while I was pregnant (2X) - I would have had lots more kids if not for the daily migraines while pregnant! It is not possible to socialize or be around anyone when you have this sort of pain. She was being honest. Ask again, if she says no, then move on. PS. I would have never been able to check my e-mail for an e-card while in the midst of a migraine. She may not get it until later today... Yep, and I am not a wimpy gal, a migraine just makes you feel incapacitated...
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 She received her E-card. In the E-card I promised to call her. Called her twice by now, but no answer. I am not going to call her again. Maybe I will see her online on MSN tomorrow morning. I should have offered another date right away. So I blew it right there. My own fault. I'm over it. It is her cellphone, so she should be able to answer it. She could reply to my E-card. She could even call me back (she knows my number). I 'wasn't able to leave a message but she can see that I have called. A daily call seems obsessive to me. What should I do, Girls please answer this: A.Try to call her in the evening tomorow. B.Don't call her tomorrow but wait another day. C.Hope to catch her on MSN and don't call at all. D.Don't do anything at all and hope she does something or else just forget about her.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 I think you're smothering her. I agree, I go for C as well No more calling.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 Well, I think she might be able to understand that it isn't very nice to call somone to tell him you won't be able to make it, just before going out. She could have called me earlier on to tell me she felt bad, and wasn't sure if she could make it. I wanted to call her one more time on sunday, but calling her without getting an answer isn't a great way of keeping in touch. Seems to needy, so I won't do it. Maybe I can call her with my cellphone this evening, she doesn't know that number so it would tell me if she just doesn't pick up the phone in general or if its just when I call. She saw my E-card yesterday, in the moring (I got a read receipt thing from the site). She'll see my number on her phone (I couldn't leave a message, but the number is saved on her phone). So I think I've done enough for now. Hope she'll be on MSN today, but if she's pissed she might have blocked me already. Well, maybe I can't save things anymore.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 New plan: Step 1: I will call her tonight around 20:30 but only once! Step 2: If she picks up the phone I'll secure a new date. Step 3: If she doesn't pick up the phone I'll send her a weet, funny E-mail with clear suggestions for a new date. That way, I won't look depsarate. Don't have to waste time to keep on calling her and she can let me know what she thinks by E-mail. If she completely lost interest she can either tell me, or ignore me.
MadDog Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 That way, I won't look depsarate. Too late, I think you probably already do. If she completely lost interest she can either tell me, or ignore me. Isn't that what she's been doing? Ignoring you?
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 Well, what I've heard she's sick at her parents home, bad headache, so not sure what to think.
Sand&Water Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 She saw my E-card yesterday, in the moring (I got a read receipt thing from the site). She'll see my number on her phone (I couldn't leave a message, but the number is saved on her phone). So I think I've done enough for now. Hope she'll be on MSN today, but if she's pissed she might have blocked me already. Well, maybe I can't save things anymore. I think you've done everything possible in the book and on the brick of driving her away. Just, wait for her to come online on MSN. If not, then send her one last email for a new date. Don't contact her anymore, and move on. (if she doesn't reciprocate)
amerikajin Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 I wasn't please with that and I told her so. Told her I found it rather rude she called me that late. After that I said she couldn't help it she had an headache and wished her well. She said she wanted to make new plans, but I didn't respond right away. I think it's too late to recover if anything was in the cards to begin with. I can understand why you got frustrated, because the truth is, sometimes people do just flake out for no reason and they come up with some lame excuse. What I've learned is that there is a certain way you have to handle encounters like this so that you can show you're the kind of person who doesn't take crap while, at the same time, leaving the door open for something in the future. What you should have done is to just tell her that you understood, that you hoped she got better and was able to see you again sometime soon, but that you were leaving it to her to set up the next date. I think that's very fair, because if she's still hung up on the guy being the one to coordinate a date after she's already canceled the first one he coordinated, then she's got too much pride, or she's just being selfish. And in the end, you'll know if she's interested, and more importantly, if she's dating material. But you can't ever let them know that you're ticked off about losing out on a date - especially if you've never spent any time together. I doubt very seriously she's going to go for anything now because the impression she has is that you are insecure and get upset if things in the relationship don't go your way. If you are really after this girl, you might want to try one last hail-mary pass into the end zone. Here's what you do: wait a week to ten days and don't even say a peep to her - absolutely NO CONTACT whatsoever. Let her move on, let her think you've moved on. Then, one day, send her an email like this: ---------- XXXX, I just wanted to tell you that I've had time to think about things and realized that I could have been more understanding than I was. I realize that I came across as a bit uptight and rude. It was only because I was looking forward to getting to know you and I guess I was just disappointed by the fact that you were unable to meet with me, and I didn't handle that correctly. I'd like a second chance for us to know each other. If you're not interested, I understand. Either way, I wish you the best. See you around sometime. Take care.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 I think you've done everything possible in the book and on the brick of driving her away. Just, wait for her to come online on MSN. If not, then send her one last email for a new date. Don't contact her anymore, and move on. (if she doesn't reciprocate) That is exactly what I did.... send her one last funny, cocky e-mail asking her for a new date. And I won't do anything else. If she doesn't respond i move on.
amerikajin Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 That is exactly what I did.... send her one last funny, cocky e-mail asking her for a new date. Nah, I think you blew it for sure now. You use cocky and funny when she's warm and want to amplify that. But she sees you as someone who's not really cocky, and probably not even that funny right now - you got kinda cranky when she backed out of the date, and now you're trying to pursue her. I'd move on, 'cause she probably already has herself.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 That is exactly what I did.... send her one last funny, cocky e-mail asking her for a new date. Nah, I think you blew it for sure now. You use cocky and funny when she's warm and want to amplify that. But she sees you as someone who's not really cocky, and probably not even that funny right now - you got kinda cranky when she backed out of the date, and now you're trying to pursue her. I'd move on, 'cause she probably already has herself. I will, I'm done with it But I wonder, when you tell someone you think its rude to call that late, it isn't bad is it? I made a joke I had to find soemone else to go to the movies with and then I wished her well. Maybe I wasn't prepared for it to happen though. Sending her an E-mail to reshedule I go on with other girls and just see if she responds. I hope you are wrong, but I'm afraid you're right.... well, moving on
SoleMate Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 ...when you tell someone you think its rude to call that late, it isn't bad is it? Ummmm....yes, it is. Even if the other person's behavior is rude, if you turn around and CALL them rude, then YOU'RE being rude. Did you get that? Saying, "You're rude" IS rude. Next time someone is rude to you, you surely can make a mental note, but just to snap back is a faux pas in and of itself. I feel a lot more sympathetic to this girl than you did. I agree she could have called earlier, but I accept her explanation of how she was really hoping to improve and be able to go. And she did give you two hours notice. How much SHOULD she have given you...4 hours...6...8...24 hours? Then wouldn't you be able to get cheesed off about her declaring a day in advance that she wasn't well enough to go, just because of a headache? Blaaahh.
2sunny Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 A headache is totally different than a MIGRAINE. If you have never had one - it's difficult to understand how much the pain can affect you. It leaves you with no choice but to lay down in a quiet, dark room until the pain goes away, usually by sleeping for a while...
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 I didn't call her rude. I told her I found it rather (can't find the English word for it) unpleasant she called. Not rude. My story was wrong. This is how things went: I told her I didn't find it nice she called that late. I told her I had made arangements and already bought tickets. Made a joke that I had to find someone else to go with. Then told her she couldn't help it and wished her well. Then I send her the card when I got home that evening. Called her twice yesterday (no answer, she's still sick maybe) and send her an E-mail today.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 Well some female just called, wasn't home. My mother picked up... really stupid.... she thought she had the wrong number. Could be anyone though. Well, she reveived my E-mail, she can decide if she wants to reply.
gfto Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 For future reference, you should've said, "sorry to hear that; hope you feel better soon," then zip it; don't ask for a rain check, and don't tell her you'll call her. Just politely end the conversation and hang up. Assume that her headache was an excuse and that she wasn't interested enough to keep the date. If she did, in fact, have a headache and really digs you, she'll call and ask you for a date. Telling her that it was rude to cancel at the last minute was a mistake. But, what's done is done. At this point, I wouldn't call anymore. Just forget about her. If she calls, great. If not......next.
blind_otter Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 I have epilepsy. I occassionally have seizures, not very often. Many moons ago, there was a guy who was persuing me. I had plans to meet him and I had a seizure, so I actually didn't even call him before hand, since the seizures are very physically debilitating. I called him later that night and he didn't believe me and thought I was making it up, he was an a**h*** about it. I never talked to him again.
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