mustangsally Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 So here's the story, long, long story short: My ex was my first love. I loved him so much and he loved me just as much if not more. He was the first to say I love you, first to begin to talk of marriage. Then I started to get sick. He couldn't handle it and bolted without warning. At the time, we were long distance. He wanted to remain friends because he still cared about me a great deal, but I said I needed time. He had a new girlfriend 4 weeks later. I chewed him out, telling him he must not have really cared about me. I cut contact and said I never wanted to speak to him again. I apologized about a month later. we didn't speak for 8 months except short e-mails. Fast forward to 8 months later. He comes to my school. We live actually on the same floor. He and the other girl break up very quickly after they began, but he and she remain buddy buddy. Not sexually, but friendly. He begins to try to hang out with me, and I tell him we are just friends right? He backs off and doesn't speak with me for a long time. Fast forward to several months of him staring at me, telling everyone he dated me, joining several clubs I'm in, making friends with all of my friends, etc. I ask him why he doesn't want to be friends or if he does at all. he says he misses me and wants to be platonic friends, but not right now, but he really does care about me. He just needs time. I ask why, I get no answer, he just needs time. Time goes on...we begin to talk a little more, but nothing big. He sends me an e-mail congratulating me on something that happened in my life. But things are still distant, even though we now run in the same circle of friends. He fixes my computer, comes over 5 times to fix it, etc. offers to help in any way he can. Then I write him a letter since I am leaving telling him I don't want to lose touch with him. I don't want to talk all of the time, but not to lose touch. All of this time the weird staring and telling people we dated continues. He never answers, but walks me to class and talks to me about life and I guess that answered my question. fastforward to later this week. He's now acting rude, fake smiles, barely wanting to acknowledge me. He did something cool at school that everyone talked about, so I sent him a 5 line message saying "Good job" and "I'm proud of you." No response. I see him and he barely waves at me. He doesn't even have the decency to write back with a short "thanks". I IMed him and said "Good job." got nothing in response. All of my friends here at school, save a few, LOVE him. They think he's adorable and amazing and wonderful. And I have a hard time not exploding everytime I hear about how great he is. Any advice on why he's still behaving like this after a year? I don't want to be with him, BY ANY MEANS, but I guess I'm seeking closure. I want to know that I was important to him. I am his ONLY ex he is not buddy buddy with. And I live less than a minute away from him. Its just so obnoxious that with everyone else he can be sooo nice and with me he's nice and then distant. And slightly rude. WTF?! Can someone advise? What is going on? Get over it, move on, etc. are not advice, fyi. And no I don't want him back, I just want to be validated by him and to know I was special to him.
Groovy Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Unfortunately no one here can validate that he cared for you. Only he or you can do that. Many of us have healed without any answers as to what went wrong, it just creates a small roadblock. Maybe he cannot be your friend without feelings getting in the way. Men usually hate the "friends only" thing with an ex and if they can't have them the way they hoped they avoid it all together. Maybe he has decided you aren't so hot in his eyes and you even annoy him so he avoids you. The possibilities are endless..... If it were me I would talk to him directly. How long did you guys date? If you had a real relationship you should still be able to talk to him with honest answers. And if you can't what you had couldn't have been that fantastic.
Author mustangsally Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 well if I annoyed him, why has he reached out to me/stare at me, etc? Its very back and forth...from reaching out one day, to avoiding the next day to blah the next day and then the cycle continues. The annoyance factor is small. Save the last couple of days and other random times, he usually seems very receptive to talking to me/sometimes initiates. However, we DID have a real relationship, and he would talk to me but as far as honesty, I don't know that I'd get real answers on his feelings.
Author mustangsally Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 i guess if i'm not so hot and annoy him, it only took him 2-3 days to decide that and its very recent.
In Sync Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 WTF?! Can someone advise? What is going on? Get over it, move on, etc. are not advice, fyi. And no I don't want him back, I just want to be validated by him and to know I was special to him. Question: Why is it important to be validated by him, especially by a person who's behaving to say the least oddly towards you? Even if you were special to him, does that give him a free pass to be rude to you? ok, what's going on is not about him...no one can figure out what's in his head. it's more the like what is going on with you...and how do you honestly feel about his not validating you. Does that make you feel less worthy?
Author mustangsally Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 yes, it would. This is the first time he's actually been rude to me. Well, he hasn't been verbally rude, but has not replied to the congrats (which I feel is rude). I would really like to be validated by him. It really hurts to think all of these other exes are buddy-buddy with him and he either has to stare at me and act all into me or act skittish. I don't bother him, so the annoyance thing seems bizarre. I think it will be very hard for me to start a new relationship thinking that my last relationship meant a lot to me and can't tell if it meant anything to him. I mean we were both each other's first loves and first sexual experiences. So...I have no idea. It seems like it should be important to him....but I can't tell because he acts so bipolar around me and ONLY me. My friend had a conversation about me with him and they said "god, (exboyfriend) is sooo weird about mustangsally"....but notice it wasn't about the other exes...even the most recent one who he keeps in touch with on a friendly level. i just wish I knew what was going on with him and why he was acting so back and forth. Especially recently. I mean the DAY BEFORE he was staring at me and acting weird. And then the VERY NEXT DAY he acted like he was bothered to even say hi me when we passed in the hallway and refused to acknowledge the congrats. And I hadn't even talked to him since.
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