target-d Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Thank god almighty for that one. Every post I've read of yours regarding this support forum for OW is how trashy we are. Why don't you go and cry over on the infidelity forum... maybe you may get some consensus over there with some other BSs, but I've been on that forum and there are many there who have something you and the other guy don't have. Its a human trait called COMPASSION. After reading this I just went through and read all of his old posts. I didn't get that at all from his posts. It sounded to me like he was in a lot of pain over what he'd done. He did put a bunch of the blame on the OW in his case (in a fairly over the top kinda way), but I didn't see that he called OW by and large trashy - until this post. Maybe I missed something? What does your wife have to do with this? Was she an OW or did you have an OW? Maybe the truth comes out? Or on the other hand, maybe you did. His story is pretty clear. He was a MM. Regardless, Bullhunter and Everyone's Target, please go get some counselling - some real counselling. It sounds like you have some very unresolved issues to work on. Anger is NOT a healthy emotion to be carrying around inside of you, and it isn't good for either you or your marriage to keep up that level of anger. Also, please keep in mind that the women here are almost undoubtedly NOT the women you had your affair with. They are here for help and support that they need, not anger.
zarathustra Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 After reading this I just went through and read all of his old posts. I didn't get that at all from his posts. It sounded to me like he was in a lot of pain over what he'd done. He did put a bunch of the blame on the OW in his case (in a fairly over the top kinda way), but I didn't see that he called OW by and large trashy - until this post. It doesn't really matter if he ever called OWs trashy until now... I think that the truth came out finally how he really feels about OWs. That's fine, its his perception, but this is a support forum for OWs. I don't think that everyone has made the MM out to be a villain. Personally, I don't think my MM is a bad person as a whole, but how he treated me in the end, he was indeed a jerk to me. Maybe I missed something? As an MM, what does his wife have to do with him coming on the OW forum? He said, "if it were not for his wife..." That's what I don't get. Or on the other hand, maybe you did. His story is pretty clear. He was a MM. I didn't bother reading his post. Frankly, I skimmed through it just now after you said he didn't call OWs trash before now. Yeah, same old song, I felt bad, she started it, she led me on so I led her on and screwed her over and she deserved it kind of song. But the tone of his post are clear. That he is angry and hold a lot of blame on the OW. Whatever... You are right... these two boys need to go get some counselling on anger management.
Blind Illusion Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 If you get involved with a MM then you know what you are getting into. You have heard all the horror stories and yet you still get involved. As did you, when you, when you got involved with a married woman. You look kind of foolish acting all self-righteous when you did the exact same thing.
movinon05 Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 As did you, when you, when you got involved with a married woman. You look kind of foolish acting all self-righteous when you did the exact same thing. Here here! His arrogance is rather pathetic! Its the pot calling the kettle black.
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Excuse me, but this is a support board for OW. Actually it isn't just for OW. It's for OM too. Married wife with "other man". I think saying this forum is "just" for OW is not fair at all.
zarathustra Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Actually it isn't just for OW. It's for OM too. Married wife with "other man". I think saying this forum is "just" for OW is not fair at all. You are right WWIU about the forum being a support for OM too. I think the figurative phrase, though, is support. IMO, Everyone's Target's posts is not offering support.
movinon05 Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 You are right WWIU about the forum being a support for OM too. I think the figurative phrase, though, is support. IMO, Everyone's Target's posts is not offering support. yeah, that and bullhunter. scary with people walking the earth that can spew that kind of hatred. I'm sure he's a stellar member of the community and well loved by all!
Sami_D Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Actually it isn't just for OW. It's for OM too. Married wife with "other man". I think saying this forum is "just" for OW is not fair at all. OM and OW, yes. Only he wasn't attacking OM.
target-d Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 ya know, i read all of bullhunter's posts the other day, and he didn't start out angry with OW in general. he was very angry at the other woman in his particular case. mostly he didn't get angry until he got bashed by OW on this forum. granted, his choice of where and what to post was pitifully bad, but his anger towards people here seemed more caused by attacks directed at him from people here on these boards then anything else. many of his posts actually seemed full of heartfelt pain over what he had done, yet the reaction he got was downright cruel. it seems to me that everyone here should be reaching out to others rather than posting with venom. just my opinion mind you, but i don't think expressing anger in such a way does anyone any good. (i must admit, however, that at times i'm guilty of the same thing -- so please don't flame me)
Sami_D Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Anyone to takes a particular to a general and then starts bashing away at individuals really needs to sort themselves out. And... this place is for OW (and OM) ... HE should be somewhere else to sort out his problems. We've got enough of our own to worry about, without having to 'be nice' to BWs, guilty MMs and all and sundry with an axe to grind. Yeah, we may look like sympathetic, vulnerable fools, and we MAY well be! but hey... unless you can fit in here and provide some support in return... take a freaking HIKE.
zarathustra Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 ya know, i read all of bullhunter's posts the other day, and he didn't start out angry with OW in general. he was very angry at the other woman in his particular case. mostly he didn't get angry until he got bashed by OW on this forum. granted, his choice of where and what to post was pitifully bad, but his anger towards people here seemed more caused by attacks directed at him from people here on these boards then anything else. many of his posts actually seemed full of heartfelt pain over what he had done, yet the reaction he got was downright cruel. I don't disagree with you, but I think that when he indicated that he led his OW on because that's what she was doing to him people reacted to his actions. I think that many times people judge actions and then compares it with indicated feelings to see if they match. I think that BH recognized the what he did was wrong, but its hard to buy into feeling of regret for what he did to the OW (and I don't recall that I saw indications of it and if I missed it, then I beg forgiveness) by the actions that he took. I also don't think that BH calling the OW a side dish for MMs nice at all and how that would show his heartfelt pain. Just callin' it like I percieve it and I've been known to percieve wrong. [qoute]it seems to me that everyone here should be reaching out to others rather than posting with venom. just my opinion mind you, but i don't think expressing anger in such a way does anyone any good. (i must admit, however, that at times i'm guilty of the same thing -- so please don't flame me) ET says he's not a pig, but his actions to the OW indicated otherwise. He can say he felt bad for what he did to his wife and sure, there's pain there, but the actions he took with the OW to get her divorce is quite dispicable. They made the choice to make her H look like the one who cheated. That is what I find disgusting. In this forum, some of us may be OWs and some OMs, but I think in general, we are here to help each other through the pain of losing the MP. I think that the post made by ET (at least for me) only served as a reminder of how cruel some xMM was/are. From the reaction of others, I think I'm not alone. I don't disagree with the fact that there are OWs out there in hot pursuit of a MM who doens't want to be with the OW anymore. I don't disagree that its not always the MM that is in pursuit... there have been posts here by OW admitting that they were the ones who pursued the relationship. He made a valid point. However, I don't think that a forum for support for OW and OM is the right area to detail what he did to the OW as it was not in anyway conductive of support.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 I’ve been following this post from the beginning. I believe that EveryonesTarget initially posted in a quest to try and help OP understand the situation she found herself in. Of course, him telling his story and the way he handled everything in his situation got on everyone’s nerves, but his original intent was to help OP from his point of view as a MM who strayed ... not attack anyone on the board. Much like Bullhunter did for me in one of my threads. Bullhunter’s comments to me did indeed help. However, he did get some negative posts for those comments. IMO - I think the reason why there is such a negative response to these particular MM is their particular stories and their blame put on the OW. No one likes blame. It usually causes a responsive reaction to defend. I’m also not saying that either of them were right or wrong in what they did, or did not do. I just think that while providing their own opinion to a specific situation, and responding to it within their experience (just like everyone here does) for the OP, they are getting the short end of the stick. Honestly I believe that both of them went about their situations the wrong way and yes, I’m going to man-bash here ... but don’t most men go about doing things the wrong way when it comes to relationships? Don’t they typically learn by making mistakes first? I know most men I know are that way. Bullhunter admitted that he went about things the wrong way ... I don’t think it is fair to bash him for his actions in the past when he has admitted that it was wrong. I don’t think either of them searched out this particular website to bash anyone, but to help themselves and in the process maybe other people from their own point of view. But I see a huge amount of anger being put upon both of them because of their actions as MM blaming THEIR OW. They’re not necessarily blaming ALL women (OW or W), just their particular OW. But I think the automatic reaction to defend is coming to play here.
zarathustra Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 and yes, I’m going to man-bash here ... but don’t most men go about doing things the wrong way when it comes to relationships? Don’t they typically learn by making mistakes first? I know most men I know are that way. ummm... I don't think that women are exempted from going about things the wrong way where relationships are concerned and we all learn by making mistakes. Its not a male trait but a human trait. Bullhunter admitted that he went about things the wrong way ... I don’t think it is fair to bash him for his actions in the past when he has admitted that it was wrong. I don’t think either of them searched out this particular website to bash anyone, but to help themselves and in the process maybe other people from their own point of view. But I see a huge amount of anger being put upon both of them because of their actions as MM blaming THEIR OW. . Yeah, I read his post about how he knew what he did was wrong, but he didn't seem to apologetic for it as in the end, he admitted to stringing the OW along. I think its just a reminder of how many MM or MW have treated OWs and OMs on this forum and causes more pain than we already feel. They’re not necessarily blaming ALL women (OW or W), just their particular OW. But I think the automatic reaction to defend is coming to play here With all due respect, which part of "They are all trash" in BH's post did you miss? Maybe it wasn't indicated in prior posts, but it certainly is here.
RealityCheck Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 The OW has the passion, lust, tenderness and fun from the MM. She doesn't have to wash his underwear, look after the kids or cook him dinner. She doesn't have to do anything except recieve his undivided attention in their moments! There is no sense of responsibility or obligation. The honeymoon stage never ends.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 ummm... I don't think that women are exempted from going about things the wrong way where relationships are concerned and we all learn by making mistakes. Its not a male trait but a human trait Oh, I know we all go about things the wrong way too, but what I meant was that I think most women think more before they act and most men act before they think. but he didn't seem to apologetic for it as in the end, he admitted to stringing the OW along But he doesn’t have to apologize to us, he didn’t hurt us. I’m sure his anger at the whole situation, and as he has admitted, anger at himself, is the reason why he doesn’t seem too apologetic to leading his OW on. With all due respect, which part of "They are all trash" in BH's post did you miss? Maybe it wasn't indicated in prior posts, but it certainly is here. I did read that ... I think that was a direct reaction to the negative comments he was reading directed to ET and feeling that he needed to defend another man. I honestly don’t think that is his true opinion of women ... if it were, why would he be on here posting trying to help other people? My H is much like this ... he will respond in a specific way and/or say things - generalize things and LATER realize that he shouldn’t have ... he acts/reacts before he thinks and he (my H) has also admitted to this is the way he is.
Recommended Posts