BryanK Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 I submitted this before registering, so if they both come up I'll delete one, sorry. I have been dating a girl for 10 months now and it has been a very rocky relationship so far. Some of the highest highs, and lowest lows I've experienced. So far the highs have made me be able to overlook some very obvious warning signs, like a number of fights, until now. Last Sunday, after a night of drinking, I pulled her out of the bathtub where she had passed out face down. I thought it was an accident until the next day when she told me it wasn't. Before her telling me that, I was going to break up with her due to all the drama getting to be too much. The last thing I wanted to do was tell her I'm leaving when she was in that state. Later on she told me the only thing keeping her going is me, so I've been hanging in there. Last night we had another setback. She travels for a living and is back east while I am in California. She got very upset over me the fact I was going to go to a sports bar with my roommate to watch a hockey game. Long story short, she tells me she might go out on a date, tells me to take my stuff out of her condo, then later tells me how much she loves me, before telling me at 5:00AM my time that she can't take this anymore, she doesn't think she'll make it til Monday, she's sorry, she's tired, etc. So I freak out, plead with her to talk to me but she won't. i call her family and friends to help which ENRAGES her, saying she wasn't going to kill herself, etc. So now I'm sitting here at a total loss of what to do next. I am literally physcially and mentally drained. I know I love her, but I know it's not healthy, and I worry about the consequences if I was to just walk away. I don't even know if I can walk away without knowing if she'll be ok. Do I just leave and take care of myself? Do I try and help her through this even though I feel like there is no future for us? Is that just giving her false hopes? I just know I can't keep riding on this rollercoaster, it's hurting my health, my work, and my life. Any advice, suggestions, or jokes would be greatly appreciated.
Art_Critic Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 IF you want to break up with her and you think she is suicidal then contact a member of her family and explain what you are going to do and why then break up with her. Let her family deal with her. DO NOT let her guilt trips keep you in this relationship. She will try and use her threats against herself to keep you hooked in the drama. Go NC.. Make sure her family gets her help.. And good luck.. and may you get the calm you seek
luvtoto Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 She needs psychological help and fast. She can't realistically put this all on your shoulders. Though, you are dealing really well. Do you think she would have died if you did not pull her out of the tub? I would have called 911 then and there. They would have taken over from there. See if you can get her to a medical doctor, psychiatrist or therapist.
Author BryanK Posted April 7, 2006 Author Posted April 7, 2006 Do you think she would have died if you did not pull her out of the tub? I would have called 911 then and there. They would have taken over from there. Yes I do, but since I thought it was just an accident and not an attempt I didn't do anything at the time. If I had known then, that would've been the best thing to do. As of now, nobody has heard from her all day, her parents and her friends have all tried calling. The problem is that she's all alone in Virginia and we are all here in California. Needless to say, I'm scared. I'm new here, what does "NC" mean?
luvtoto Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 Yes I do, but since I thought it was just an accident and not an attempt I didn't do anything at the time. If I had known then, that would've been the best thing to do. As of now, nobody has heard from her all day, her parents and her friends have all tried calling. The problem is that she's all alone in Virginia and we are all here in California. Needless to say, I'm scared.? You are not helping her by coddling her. The only thing that is gonna help her is tough love. I'm new here, what does "NC" mean? You *are* new here aren't you! NC means No Contact with her. Hang out here long enough and you will learn this very well. Use the search function above.
luvtoto Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 I commend you on your compassion, by the way. There is a song called "Scars" by Papa Roach. This song may help you just a little bit. It's one of my favorites.
blind_otter Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 IF you want to break up with her and you think she is suicidal then contact a member of her family and explain what you are going to do and why then break up with her. Let her family deal with her. DO NOT let her guilt trips keep you in this relationship. She will try and use her threats against herself to keep you hooked in the drama. Go NC.. Make sure her family gets her help.. And good luck.. and may you get the calm you seek Yeah. Listen to the clown. (seriously!)
Craig Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 Leave and take care of yourself. She made it this far without you, she'll find someone else to create a dysfunctional life with. If she threatens suicide, etc. just call 911 right away.
starlight2025 Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Even if you do no contact with her she'll try to call you several times and leave several voice messages. She may eventually stalk you. Unfortunately the law doesn't take it seriously when a woman stalks a man. Women can get away with alot of that harassment and stalking. I saw it in the movie "fatal attraction." Alot of men do not come forward and get the authorities involved in it. Nothing can stop her from contacting you. Even if you do go forward the cops may not take you seriously.
X3Tina Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 10 months? She is acting like this only after 10months? This is unbelievable..I know you care for her, but i can tell you something from what you have posted. She is controlling. Controlling people know exactly what buttons to push when it comes to the other partner. As far as her commiting suicide...i highly doubt that she would go to those lengths..not as long as she still thinks she has a chance with you. what she is doing is making threats to keep you near..using your compassion as a way to feed off your happiness. she knows as well as you do, the relationship is not working out..thats when the brain goes into panic mode..no contact is a very good idea. not only good for her, but the best thing you can do for yourself. Look what she is doing to you. You shouldnt have to feel responsible for someones life just because you want to leave a stressfull situation, and you are being taken advantage of. You have one person in your life that you need to take care of emotionally and physically..and that is YOU. Dont be fooled.
descartes Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 You know already how unhealthy the situation is. You have to leave, threats or no, direct or indirect. Let's face it, if she's contemplating suicide during your relationship, you aren't what she needs. It sounds like she needs to be alone for a bit and perhaps get some professional help if the problem is as bad as you make it sound. Cast a blind eye to your worries over "kicking" her while she's down, because she isn't going to get back up. People whose hearts get broken always think it has never come at a worse time. And you can't just drop her when things become happy again because then she'll be left confused. In the long run, it might make the most sense to her later on that you do it now. That extra "kick" might be exactly what she needs I don't reply to folks on here unless I think I can sympathize with their situation. I used to be your girlfriend. Plenty of "threats" and close calls, as it were, but eventually I got better and saw that events unfolding the way they did was exactly what the doctor ordered. I won't make any harsh judgements about how serious she is about following through with her attempts, but for myself they were fruitless because I had an instinctual will to live. Lucky for you that everybody has that. Cut your ties and be done with her.
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