Guest Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 I have been dating a girl for 10 months now and it has been a very rocky relationship so far. Some of the highest highs, and lowest lows I've experienced. So far the highs have made me be able to overlook some very obvious warning signs, like a number of fights, until now. Last Sunday, after a night of drinking, I pulled her out of the bathtub where she had passed out face down. I thought it was an accident until the next day when she told me it wasn't. Before her telling me that, I was going to break up with her due to all the drama getting to be too much. The last thing I wanted to do was tell her I'm leaving when she was in that state. Later on she told me the only thing keeping her going is me, so I've been hanging in there. Last night we had another setback. She travels for a living and is back east while I am in California. She got very upset over me the fact I was going to go to a sports bar with my roommate to watch a hockey game. Long story short, she tells me she might go out on a date, tells me to take my stuff out of her condo, then later tells me how much she loves me, before telling me at 5:00AM my time that she can't take this anymore, she doesn't think she'll make it til Monday, she's sorry, she's tired, etc. So I freak out, plead with her to talk to me but she won't. i call her family and friends to help which ENRAGES her, saying she wasn't going to kill herself, etc. So now I'm sitting here at a total loss of what to do next. I am literally physcially and mentally drained. I know I love her, but I know it's not healthy, and I worry about the consequences if I was to just walk away. I don't even know if I can walk away without knowing if she'll be ok. Do I just leave and take care of myself? Do I try and help her through this even though I feel like there is no future for us? Is that just giving her false hopes? I just know I can't keep riding on this rollercoaster, it's hurting my health, my work, and my life. Any advice, suggestions, or jokes would be greatly appreciated.
riobikini Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Dear Guest, Despite the dramatic behavior of this girl, you already know that leaving the relationship is the best thing for you. Focus on the 'you', -because, it's not about her. You are not her doctor, her therapist, nor her father, -and you barely qualify, judging by the way she is treating you, as her boyfriend....more like her puppet-on-a-string, or doormat. But you have done all you need to do in that relationship, -it's time to close the door. How to do it? There's no need for long, tearful discussions, drawn-out, back-and-forth phone calls and texts, and you certainly are under no obligation to make a 'graceful' exit. Just leave. There are others in her life who are more responsible for dealing with her problems than you are. Number One: You didn't create her problems, -she had them before you met her. Number Two: You do have an obligation to yourself to remain sane, happy. Remember that this isn't truly emotionally 'cold' behavior, -if it makes you feel better about the situation, ***plan ahead*** for your exit: remove your things, if you need to, from her place or out of her possession, disengage from all ties to her on a specific, planned day, and tell her closest family member or friend what you are doing. This may help you from feeling any 'guilt' you might experience by making the break. Look, you may have loved her (you may love her, still), -but you have already realized that, love or not,- this isn't going to work for either one of you. You pegged it: it's not healthy. Set yourself free, man. -Rio
Curmudgeon Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 This is a prime example of emotional blackmail. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to free yourself of the trap she's set for you and into which you are freely walking. You are not responsible for her or what happens with or to her once you're gone. My guess is that breaking ties will be a huge relief.
blind_otter Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 I would be honest with her. Tell her that you care about her welfare (which isn't the same thing as "I love you") and that her intense emotional rollercoaster is exhausting you and hurtin gyour ability to function in your life, so you need to disengage to get your own life together. And as Rio and Cur said, you're not responsible for her after that point. HOpefully it will be a wakeup call for her to straighten her own life out.
Recommended Posts