g_r819 Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 Ok heres the deal I wouldnt actually call this infedility but my husband and I had another couple over for dinner and I had to go outside to tell my friends husband where he could park his car, while I was out there (it was just me and him) he looks over at me and says 'you just tell me what to do and i'll do it'..I laughed that one off kinda playing it off thinking you know he is a big jokester kind of guy. Well about less then a minute later he says it AGAIN..'anything you want me to do i'll do it' so this time I point and say ok go park over there!' and he goes park and I go back in the house. The rest of the night I avoided him. When they were leaving we walked them to the door and he ended up behind me and all of a sudden I felt him rubbing the lower part of my back. I dont know what to think. I don't know if I should mention this to his wife if it was NOTHING I don't want to look like an idiot or have people afraid to be our friend because I 'think everybodys man wants me'...but then again he made me feel very weird and I feel that something just wasnt right. By the way his wife has confided in me that he HAS cheated on her in the past and they are working on their marriage at the moment. Advice please?! Should I say something or do you think it was nothing and I am overreacting?
catgirl1927 Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 I don't think it was nothing. Not at all. Your instincts told you something was up. What a sleazebag. I don't know if you should tell her yet, because like you said, nothing really happened. How long have you known this person? It sounds like he's feeling you out. Did you tell your husband?
target-d Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 Definitely not nothing. It would be a good idea for you to tell your husband, as he should be aware of his friend's actions. But, if I were you, I wouldn't tell his wife. That would cause problems between you and her that don't need to be caused. If he does it again - I'd say something like --- "If you are doing what I think you are doing, don't do it again or I'm going to tell your wife. If you aren't, you are still making me uncomfortable, please stop." That should take care of the problem. He'll probably respond by saying that you are crazy, making assumptions, etc. But he won't come onto you anymore.
Author g_r819 Posted April 7, 2006 Author Posted April 7, 2006 Hi Catgirl we have known this couple since November, yes I did tell my husband and my husband actually got a little mad and said he wants to talk to him I asked him to please not say anything yet because I just wasnt sure & right nothing really happened. On the other hand I don't want this man to think i'm cool with this I guess I just have to feel this one out and see if anything else happens and if it does then that will be my proof and I am telling her.
catgirl1927 Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 He's probably testing to see if you'll fool around with him. She knows he's a cheater and really should have already dumped him. I like target's suggestion that if he touches you again, confront his sleazy ass. It's not like you should care about his opinion.
Author g_r819 Posted April 7, 2006 Author Posted April 7, 2006 Thanks Target good advice that is something I can definately hear myself saying. I did tell my husband which my husband is the type who wants to go 'kick his butt' and ask questions later ( he said when he sees him they are going to have a little talk) but I told him you know lets just not over react here. And I think exactly the way you do that he will respond by saying i'm crazy etc.. thats why I wasnt sure if I should say something or not. I don't want to be labeled a psycho!
Author g_r819 Posted April 7, 2006 Author Posted April 7, 2006 catgirl yea she should dump him he is creepy anyway but she loves the guy I guess I don't really know. And as far as him testing me to see if I will fool around on him? I think he just barked up the wrong tree because I am not the one!
Bryanp Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 I agree that this guy was testing you. He probably wanted to know if you would tell your husband. I am sure if he thought you did not say anything to your husband then you would be cool with him being more aggressive. I absolutely agree that your husband should have a little talk with him. If this guy calls you a psycho well then who cares. I guarantee you he will not bother you again. You are sending a message to him via your husband that you will not stand for that crap. He disrespected you and your husband in your own home.
Author g_r819 Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 Thanks Bryan! I'm glad I got replies from all of you because i'm normally a pretty laid back person who lets alot of stuff slide but some comments just rub me the wrong way and this was definately one of those times. I think like this: If it was my husband who said this comment 2 times to some lady in the same minute I would DEFINATELY be mad because I would want to know what in the HE!! was he saying that to her for?! Oh and the ''innocent'' little rub on the back on his way out of the door. Nobody should be touching anybody thats weird to me we have best friends who we hug goodbye and hello...this man isnt one of our close friends I would say just a aquaintance more then anything.
jmargel Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Guess it all depends on what kinda 'rub' it is. My female friends who are also friends with my wife, when we go out & when it's time to leave I'll usually either give a hug or just do a quick 2 second rub on their lower back. For me it's nothing sexual or flirtatious. It's like almost like giving another guy a handshake. However those words he was saying was a 'test'. To see if you would bite and how far you would go. He did it jokingly because it was an escape for him. If you were to say something against what he said he would just laugh & say 'Im just joking!'. However if you were to have just smiled or made a comment back in a postivie way towards him it would give him the green light to go a little further.
whichwayisup Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 He was flirting sexually with you. I say if you don't like it, just don't invite them back ever again for dinner! And if they invite you two for dinner just nicely say no thanks...Eventually they'll stop asking.
Author g_r819 Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 Jmargel I don't think there is anything wrong with a hug or a back rub when its your friends and they know you. This was the first time this man ever came to our house. I guess his comments irritated me more then anything else. I talk to his wife quite often and some of the things she tells me makes me want to tell her my own thoughts on her husband. She said she found paperwork in his briefcase confirms some STD he got. This women is very aware of the type of slime she is married too but I think she is in denial. She says like this ' I know my husband absolutely adores me, the only reason I can think of for him cheating is because he was pressured'... btw she hasnt confronted him yet on his STD. Nor has she gotten herself checked.
Author g_r819 Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 I agree. Pretty much what I decided about that was just avoid him. When he is home I won't even call the wife. I call her when he is at work and invite her to go shopping or just to hang out.I am only living here for 2 years and then we will get stationed somewhere else so its not like I will be living in the same town as these people forever anyway. He was flirting sexually with you. I say if you don't like it, just don't invite them back ever again for dinner! And if they invite you two for dinner just nicely say no thanks...Eventually they'll stop asking.
Author g_r819 Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 BTW Jmargel I love the shepherd!! I have a female 2 1/2 years old.. What I refer to as my German Shedder!! Have a great day!
whichwayisup Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 I agree. Pretty much what I decided about that was just avoid him. When he is home I won't even call the wife. I call her when he is at work and invite her to go shopping or just to hang out.I am only living here for 2 years and then we will get stationed somewhere else so its not like I will be living in the same town as these people forever anyway. You keep the friendship with the wife, there is no reason why her husband has to be involved in the friendship.
Poconobob Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Guess it all depends on what kinda 'rub' it is. My female friends who are also friends with my wife, when we go out & when it's time to leave I'll usually either give a hug or just do a quick 2 second rub on their lower back. For me it's nothing sexual or flirtatious. It's like almost like giving another guy a handshake. However those words he was saying was a 'test'. To see if you would bite and how far you would go. He did it jokingly because it was an escape for him. If you were to say something against what he said he would just laugh & say 'Im just joking!'. However if you were to have just smiled or made a comment back in a postivie way towards him it would give him the green light to go a little further. I agree..... definitely! I saw this first hand! Hi Jeff.. bob
Guest Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 (...) thats why I wasnt sure if I should say something or not. I don't want to be labeled a psycho! The wife of the sleazy guy wouldn't label you like that because she already knows that her husband is a cheater. Next time the guy does something, tell him to bugger off. Say it loud so that his wife can hear this. Also, the wife confided in you, so she trusts you. You can tell about her husbands advances, and I think you will get her start thinking. Like others, I also think he was testing you. I feel sorry for the wife, because she already is a doormat and it being humiliated in front of her friends. I think the wife has lost all her self-respect. I bet you are not the first lady he was testing, because he seems quite apt at that.
Presario Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 (...) thats why I wasnt sure if I should say something or not. I don't want to be labeled a psycho! The wife wouldn't label you like that because she already knows that her husband is a cheater. Next time the guy does something, tell him to bugger off. Say it loud so that his wife can hear this. Also, the wife confided in you, so she trusts you. You can tell about her husband's advances, and I think you will get her start thinking. I feel sorry for the wife, because she already is a doormat and is being humiliated in front of her friends. I bet you are not the first lady he was testing, because he seems quite apt at that. I think the wife has lost all her self-respect, because she's justifying his affair and has not confronted him on the STD issue.
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