Pumpkin Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 Hi, here's my story in a nutshell.... My boyfriend and I had been going out for over 6 years, we own a place, a car and two beautiful cats together. About 2 1/2 weeks ago he tells me that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. He says that he has been trying and he just doesn't think it is there. The next day he says he wants to work it out. About a week later the same thing happens. He then tells me that I had a chance and nothing changed, He was sick for the entire week and couldn't do anything but sleep and I made him cookies and dinner etc. But he says that I did nothing. For about a week things go off and on, one day he says that he loves me and wants to be with me and the next day he says he doesn't think that he can do it. I am still not 100% sure why he fell out of love with me but he did give me a couple reasons: He said that we don't spend enough time together (I am a full time student and I work), when I suggested that we go somewhere to reconnect he said one night won't do anything. He also said that when he went looking at engagment rings he saw how expensive they were and that ended it for him. He also thought that I wanted way different things in life than him--communication problems have be the worst for us Anyways, I have been at my friends house for the past couple nights and he has been driving me to school. He came over with coffee and a bagel two days in a row, made me lunch one day, searched the city for a cd I want, hugs me before I leave and he just seems genuinely interested in my life and wants me to be happy Yesterday I asked him if there was anything left in him for me and he said it doesn't look like it. We need to get together to figure out how to split things and I just don't know what to do. He says that he wants to be friends with me and genuinely cares about me, but that's not what I want. I am still in love with him and completely did not expect him to break up with me. Some of my friends say to be busy and 'play the game', while others tell me to keep reminding him of how I feel becuase he wanted more attention and love from me, not distance. This is consuming my life and I am just so confused, any thoughts?
tikigods Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 Im sorry you are going threw this right now, how old are the two of you? My advice would be to cut him off, you can't be friends with him right now for one, you have far to much emotion still in this. The best thing to do is believe that he isn't going to change his mind and move on (I know that sounds so simple) but cutting all contact with him is the best. Is your name on the house and the car? How long have you been living together? You might want to find an attorney that can help you get whats yours out of this situation, since you are entitled to that.
lovelorcet Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 I know this may be of little comfort but I know how you feel. I have been going through something similar over the last few months. In the end of January my wife starts to tell me that she is unhappy and doesn’t know if she loves me anymore. I spent the next two months in limbo not knowing what she was going to do and I can tell you it was hell. If I could turn back the clock this is what I would do. Take the time to listen calmly to everything she had to say and I mean really listen and think about it. (that part I did at least). Then take some time and explain to her everything that I am willing to do to help fix things and make it clear (took a week or so for me but I did do this as well). Once that point has been made then I should have just cut her off. That was my mistake that I can only see in hindsight. I thought that I should hang in there and try to show her how I was doing things different. I was too weak to just cut her off and that was a mistake. The way I see it now the relationship is only worth fighting for when 2 people are willing to concentrate and fight together. If you cut off the other person and they decided they want to fight then they will tell you. If you have to convince them then they are not really willing to fight and most likely you will end up in the same place in the future. So that is my take on it, but I am no expert and can only speak from my own experience. I hope that best ends up working out for you, whatever that might be.
blondelexus Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Pumpkin, Please Don't Make The Mistake I Have And Spend 15 Years With Him Instead Of 6. I Have About The Same Situation. My Boyfriend And I Have 3 Bichon Dogs. Two Of Them Adopted From A Bichon Rescue. I Found Out He Cheated On Me, After Telling Me He Was Impotent For The Last 8 Years. I Have Felt As Low As Low Can Get. Keep Your Head Up And Consider That You Are Still Young. You Have A Lot Of Years Left To Find The Right One. It Hurts, I Know. I Am Still Reeling From This Myself, But I Have To Keep Going And Try To Be Positive. I Tell Myself It Is Someway For The Best. True Love Does Not Hurt, Remember This!! Blondelexus
Author Pumpkin Posted April 17, 2006 Author Posted April 17, 2006 Thanks for the advice and the related stories, hearing other people's stories helps. Things have gotten a little better, I have realized that he does not want to be with me and there is no chance, but at the same time I am still hoping every second of everyday that he will come back and tell me he made a mistake and he wants it to work. I truely believed he was the 'one', I am normally a very rational person, but this is just sooo hard. All I want is for my life to move on, but I am stopping it and no matter how I try it's just not working.
Recommended Posts