Let me know if i'm being Insensitive towards my wife...

[edisoonmed]

O.K. Here's my situation...

 

i'm a musician, i'm 30, i do old Jazz style stuff.

i'm married, been with my gal for 6 years, married

2. We're very much in love, very happy.

 

I'm working on some music for a small production for

a friend of mine's theatre company. it's a great opportunity

for me and i want to ask a friend of mine (a female) to sing on

it and kinda be my partner on this, since i dig her voice

and she has great ideas. I also want to ask another

guy friend of mine to contribute some stuff, but mainly

i want my friend julie to be there for sure, she'd be great

for the style i'm doing. Haven't talked to her in a while, but

i'm pretty sure she'd be up for it.

 

HOWEVER, my wife can tend to get a little jealous. i don't have

TONS of female friends, but the one's i do have, if i ever

mention them or talk about them, my wife's attitude changes

slightly and/or she'll get very quiet. She doesn't get way bent out

of shape, but enough to notice a slight change in her mood.

She denies it if i bring it up, but i notice it. She's never that way

about my Guy friends.

 

Now, i'm trying to figure out how to explain my intentions with this

Music venture, without her getting hurt or jealous.

She KNOWS she has nothing to worry about with me,

i'm not the type to mess around or cheat or do anything

to jeopardize our marriage. I'm an honest man. I'm very much

in love with my wife and i tell her and show her constantly,

It's just that she has a bit of a low self esteem, so i think

that's why she gets real Jealous.

 

But am i supposed to NOT work with other women or do anything

professionally with another woman, just because it bothers my

wife? it kinda of bugs me because it makes me feel like she

doesn't trust me. I'm sure i could talk to her about it and she'd let me

do it, but she'd kinda hold a grudge and she'd be very uncomfortable

with it and not want to talk about it with me, like she does

with my other projects, probably wondering WHY i'd want

THIS particular girl, blah blah blah.

 

Anyone have any ideas

of how i should go about making this very comfortable for my wife

or how i could convince her that it's just a Creative friendship?

 

Believe me, if my wife could sing i'd get her to do it, but she can't

and she's not musically inclined at all. I'd never tell her that though.

[joshua1983]

Ok a couple of things man. Firstly, jealousy is only a bad thing if it really affects someone. From what your saying, your wife seems to hide the fact that she is jealous, so it must be relatively minor if she hasn't really brought it up.

 

I'm a guy, guys get jealous 2. Normally if its something i want my girl to change, then I'll tell her, or I'll get really moody till she asks . If its something minor (that I really shouldn't be that jealous about), then I try to hide it (even tho my facial expressions may change lol).

 

Anyway what I'm saying is, I personally think you should be straight. You don't need to sugarcoat something that you are doing for work. Say you were a cop. And your partner was a girl. Your wife might be jealous, but the sex of your partner/colleague is irrelevent really. Its just your partner at work. And this is no different.

 

What does your wife work as? I'm sure she has male colleagues with whom she must work with too.

 

Sugarcoating a situation is never going to help. If she gets jealous, she gets jealous. And yeah she might be a uncomfortable for a time, but then she will deal with it. Because the girl is just a workmate for you.

 

Ok fair enough she might have low self esteem. But you need to emphasize that you love her & that you want her & that what you are doing is work. And that even if the girl u needed to sing was Jessica Alba, you wouldn't care.

 

Anyway that's my 50cents. Good luck!

[Tim'sAngel]

Heres a lil something to know about women...

 

There's 3 reasons we will become jealous

 

1. You have given us reason to be (cheat on us in the past, show suspicious behavior...)

 

2. You don't make us feel like we are everything to you, sexually and in every other way

 

3. We have low self esteem.

 

If you're not giving her any reason to doubt you're loyalty, and you make her feel like she is your princess, then the low self esteem is the issue and no matter what you say or do she will still be jealous.

 

My bf is also a musician and an independant film maker. His current project has lots of hott naked women in it. I am not an actress, I've never been in front of a camera and I don't have an hourglass figure. I could choose to become very jealous, but I must understand that this is just what he does and he was doing it before we even met. I also have to understand that he loves me and I don't believe he would ever cheat on me. I am very proud of what he does!! This is just the attitude I choose to have.

 

If your wife doesn't take care of her self esteem issues then you might have to deal w/her jealousy the rest of you life, but that shouldn't mean that you can't go on doing what you do. Just reasure her alot that she is you're queen and she will be the only one you will want in any way. If she still decides she is going to let jealousy come between you then that is her choice and you will have to decide what to do about it.

[Walk]

Not sure I have any great suggestions...

 

I think the fact that you are choosing this girl to sing, that you want her there, is going to make your wife jealous to a degree. If it were something out of your control, or an unbiased choice made by a group it'd be a bit different. The fact that you specifically want this woman might make your situation a bit more tenuous.

 

Couple suggestions. Upfront and honest. Sounds like you will be, but always good to keep in mind.

 

Invite your wife to all of your practices. Keep inviting her. At least to several. Let her see the circumstances of the environment you'll be in. How you and this other woman interact, etc. It'll help ease her mind more then any amount of words will.

 

Pay special attention to her for a couple weeks. Just simple stuff. Don't go overboard or it'll make it look like you're compensating for a guilty mind. Give her more kisses and hugs, and cuddles. Stuff like that. Maybe more words of appreciation. Just pick it up a notch above normal until she's had time to adjust to the idea.

 

Set some firm rules with the singer (julie?). No calling after 6pm. No going out together, or never without the wife. Puts some boundaries up so that julie doesn't inadvertantly cause a problem between you and your wife over something innocent. Keep all talk focused on "work". etc. That way you're not coming home saying "And Julie said... she loves biking too... and she is into such and such too.... Julie said... and then she..." Keep it on work, keep it professional, and it'll carry over into how you speak about her when your telling your wife about your day later.

 

Other than that... your wife will have to deal with issues of jealousy on her own. Just be as understanding as you can, and attempt to discuss things with her if you notice a greater shift in her mood.

 

Best of luck to you. I'm sure it'll work out okay.