Wildcat777 Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 Hey everyone out there. Pleeeeease take time to read this i feel like im stuck in one place and im desparately trying to move on. Iv posted on LS before about my situation but i'll give u a recap. Basically i was in a LDR for 2 years with my boyfriend. He's in the military and im at University so we had a hectic lifestyle. Since he turned 21 in January he started acting strange and didn't treat me as he used to (im 20). He went out with his mates more, arranged a lads holiday, started taking up hobbies blah blah. One day out of the blue he said we should split up. He said he needed to be alone at this time in his life. He wanted to do things with his life and I guess as we could only see eachother at weekends our relationship coudln't work. He said he loved me, then kissed me but he just needs to do this so he "gets it out of his system" and in an "ideal world" we'd be friends and get back together in 2/3 years. About 2 weeks after the break up he text me asking how i was.. i said i was ok but i missed him (mistake?). He said he missed me too. So yeah i got a lil confused! I phoned him bcuz i needed to get it straight. He said he still wanted to be alone but he hoped we could be really good friends. He said he doesn't expect me to wait for him bcuz if we both hoped for that and i found some1 else, it would be the most heartbreaking thing. He started crying.. so did i. He also made it clear he didnt want 2 see other people, he just wanted to be himself. Why would u want to be alone!? I told him i'd been on a few dates and i constantly thought of him, they were nothing compared to him. He was ok with that and said he expected me to see other people... i could tell it hurt him though. Guys im just so messed up. I told him i couldn't be friends and told him not to contact me because i need to forget him. I really cant be his friend, i love him as a boyfriend not as a friend. Here's my problem, its been over a month and to be honest i still feel like it was yesterday. I cant move on. My feelings havent changed one bit, i miss him, i think about him obsessively, everyday i hope that he would call and say its ok, i wake up crying, i go to sleep crying, i cry when i think about how it used to be. This is the hardest thing iv ever had to do in my life...and im getting swamped by it. What can I do? i feel trapped, i cant talk to him, this situation is totally out of my control. I NEED to moved on but I just cant - im trying to live without him but I JUST CANT. Any advice... anything. would be greatly appreciated. I just need support. Thank u so much and i wish every1 else out there the best of luck with their problems... i know how hard it is
golden Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 I, too, just ended a 1 year LDR and went into NC because I couldn't be just friends with someone I still wanted. It's not easy, but from the stories here I think we'll eventually recover. Given the fact that it's been just a month of NC, maybe you still need more time to grieve for the loss. Please don't think that you can't live without him - remember that you have to, right now. You deserve to live your life and be happy. Have you considered counselling? I still hurt, but at least with counselling I can manage the pain and start getting on with my life.
panthera_leo Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 Thanx for your response. I do agree... time is a healer but it just feels like im not going anywhere. My heart wont let go. Maybe it will take a very long time. I also feel like im not ready to let him go yet... i think i should stop forcing myself to let go and wait for it to happen naturally. I think NC is the best idea for the moment but i dont want him out of my life completely. Although, the thought of being friends just makes me sick I cant understand why he wants to be friends and HOW he can be my friend after all we'v been through. I havent tried counselling but im considering it. I have a lot on my plate at the moment - my exams are coming up and i need to focus. Maybe counselling will help this. Thank you for ur input, its greatly appreciated. I wish u luck in your break up No one deserves to feel this way.
riobikini Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 You are both, obviously, so young...but you are intelligent, able to love deeply, but there is so much life in front of you. It can be soooo scarey, -to think that you've only just begun and you have already found the beginning, middle, and ending to all your romantic needs. It may sound ideal, -but it's simply not. The fear of having no other experiences with romantic love and 'settling' down so young can limit your life quality, -not necessarily enhance it. He's already indicated he feels as if he's 'missing' something. That 'something' is exactly what I'm talking about. When a partner has doubts like these, -it may be painful to do so- but let him do as he wishes. You will simply have to deal with it. Persistently going after them becomes annoying to them -and humiliating to you. Understanding all of that is easier than accepting it and recovering from the pain it leaves. But it can be done.... Look, this may be the 'biggest' love you have experienced so far, in your life, -it may even be the first 'real' love you have cultivated....but it may not be the best, -nor the last. (Smile) Take care. -Rio
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