He is upsetting me....

[Walking away]

He just called me to see how I am. He is staying with his wife. "The timing is wrong..." But, his wife is out of town for a few days and he has e-mailed me several times today. Wants to know if it is easier to "wean ourselves" off of each other or go cold turkey? Why would he do this if he is working on his marriage?

 

WTF?! He still wants me as his mistress, of this I am certain! Even though I have repeatedly told him that it is impossible. I hated being the OW when we WERE together. And, now, it is intolerable to me. The minute his wife leaves, the e-mails start and the phone calls start. What is he doing?

 

Now I am upset and shaking. AND, he reads my posts here on LS. It is like he has read my diary. All of my pain, all of my good days and bad days. He will probably read this too. But, I don't care.

 

And, if he is reading this, I dare him to respond back on this forum. What is going on isn't fair. I would be curious to read what HE is thinking. But, he won't write in. Of this I am certain.

 

Help. I need advice. Badly.

[Angelina1433]

Come on. There is no such thing as weaning yourselves off of a relationship. That's just his code jargon for more nookie until his wife comes back home. It sounds like you already know what you need to do - end it "cold turkey".

 

You poor darling. He wants his cake and wants to eat it too. Please just let him go. You seem like a person that is very capable of loving and simply cannot get it in return from this married man. You know what you need to do. I know that it is easier said than done, but there IS someone out there that deserves you. Best of luck.

[2sunny]

Men.... the minute my married friend (no, not my lover) is out of town he calls to talk sexual things with me. I have never done anything with him and will never, he knows it.

 

When the wifey is not around - they make their own rules.

 

Do YOU want to be a wife that is in THAT position some day? I think not!

 

Find a real man to love you and who will be good to you...

[Shiraz]

Don't answer his calls, or emails. Stay strong. If he broke up with you, he broke up with you. Stay strong. I know, easier said than done.

No matter what you do, come talk here, we are hear to listen and lend our shoudler. Your not alone. And yes, he's being mean to you.

[Walking away]

No booty call here. I live in another state....

 

I am just so pissed. I am livid. I am incensed. I am truly shaking....

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

He just called me to see how I am. He is staying with his wife. "The timing is wrong..." But, his wife is out of town for a few days and he has e-mailed me several times today. Wants to know if it is easier to "wean ourselves" off of each other or go cold turkey? Why would he do this if he is working on his marriage?

 

He is a guy on REFLEX. He only knows how to REACT not ACT. He is really at his wife's whim. Feel pity for him, but not more.

 

WTF?! He still wants me as his mistress, of this I am certain! Even though I have repeatedly told him that it is impossible. I hated being the OW when we WERE together. And, now, it is intolerable to me. The minute his wife leaves, the e-mails start and the phone calls start. What is he doing?

 

I am sorry to hear that he is messing with your heart like that. This is definitely a cake-eater we are dealing with....

 

Now I am upset and shaking. AND, he reads my posts here on LS. It is like he has read my diary. All of my pain, all of my good days and bad days. He will probably read this too. But, I don't care.

 

And, if he is reading this, I dare him to respond back on this forum. What is going on isn't fair. I would be curious to read what HE is thinking. But, he won't write in. Of this I am certain.

 

Help. I need advice. Badly.

 

I cannot believe that he is reading your posts on LS!! How can he sleep knowing all the pain he has caused you??? Unless, he has a heart of stone.

 

WA, I really feel for you. This sounds so bad... that I don't think I have any story to cheer you up today. I am not doing so well myself either. I don't know what I am doing here. I don't know what I want out of life anymore.

Unlike many of you here, I can't even pinpoint what is upsetting me. Really smart I am. Hah!

[Walking away]

What a f***ing coward. He had the audacity to tell me that he has NEVER hurt me. My hatred runs deep for this man now. Oh, and how many times I said that he was my true love. What a crock of s**t.

 

I will never forgive him. And, a message to him if he is reading this now: I pity you. You know not what you do....

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

He's a selfish coward. If he has any strength in him at all, he'd make at least one post here, seeing how hurt you are!

 

WA, you deserve so much better...!

[Walking away]

Don't expect a post from him. He didn't even have the decency to call me so I can let out all of my feelings. All of this took place tonight via e-mail.

 

I am better now. Good riddance. It was just the slap in the face I needed to REALLY move on...I will change my screen name so he can't find me tomorrow. Do you know how I can do this?

[Ladyjane14]

My understanding of it is that you would need to contact the site administrators to change your screen-name.

 

I hope you realize that if this guy is reading your posts here at LS, and still contacting you when the wife's back is turned....you know everything about his character you ever need to know.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

WA,

 

if you are changing your screen name... I hope that I can still find you!

[whichwayisup]

Even if she changes her screen name, all her posts will fall under that new name, and he'd recognize the details and figure out who she is.

 

Block him. Emails, IM's, phonecalls...All of it. Make it stop! YOU have the power NOT to fall back into his game. It's all about his ego...Wife goes away, he feels lonely so he gets intouch with you - Just to see if you're still into him. You react and SLAM, he shuts the door in your face. So, stop allowing him to suck you in! Period! Take back your life and the control here. Tell him that if he contacts you again you'll talk to his wife. End of story.

[Walking away]

Games. games, games. I was and will continue to move on with my life. I was doing so well, and this was just a little ripple in my ocean. I already feel better.

 

I have learned how to self-soothe myself for all these months with him in my life and tonight is no different. I am a wonderful person and I believe in myself. I deserve so much better than what I have gotten in this situation. I will be fine....

[Blind Illusion]

I just wanted to say that I was sorry your are going through all this emotional hurt right now.

[Walking away]

Now that I have calmed myself down, I realize that this man has toyed with my emotions for months. I never meant anything more to him than someone who was a diversion from his bland, mundane marriage.

 

Thanks for your support. I will try to find a way to hide myself so I can still post here anonymously.

 

I am strong and will stay strong. THAT hasn't changed.

[Walking away]

I just wanted to say that I was sorry your are going through all this emotional hurt right now.

 

I am really not hurt right now. The hurt happened all these past months. What I was feeling tonight was rage, anger and betrayal. Steps in the grieving process...

 

He is a speck in my life. An error that needs to be corrected. And, I am erasing him from my soul tonight. He lost a great woman forever, but that is no longer my problem. I wish him luck.

[lovernotafighter]

WA I'm so sorry to hear you MM won't respect your desire for NC,he really needs to let you heal.

 

If he is reading this than he knows you let him go with much love...what is wrong with him that he'd willing change your feelings and memories of your past by trying to twist your arm into being his mistress?

 

we are both having a tough day my friend...I wrote this earlier today....

 

today I planned on telling him everything in person and trying to get a amicable NC,I'm sure he was aware this was coming so he left me a message when he knew I'd be asleep to tell me he has a project and can't meet me.

 

I was madder than hell and started to send a letter but decided to get the point across by not doing anything directly and took off the next couple days and said on a company e-mail "personal" that's it...and no explanation to him.

 

well he's wigging out. calling,texting,mailing..I'm not responding..I've had enough of this game.

 

I usually am more perplexed at my MM than angry but today..I was unhinged..I couldn't even concentrate on anything I can't believe how out of control I felt...grrr!

 

stay strong WA your great and this whole thing is just gonna make finding mr. right a whole easier in the end.

 

~to WA's MM...leave her alone..have some dignity and respect for the most wonderful woman you probably ever met..she deserves better than having her feelings stomped on..let her be.~

[nixer]

He just called me to see how I am. He is staying with his wife. "The timing is wrong..." But, his wife is out of town for a few days and he has e-mailed me several times today. Wants to know if it is easier to "wean ourselves" off of each other or go cold turkey? Why would he do this if he is working on his marriage?

 

SIMPLE...HE WANTS HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.

 

WORKING ON MARRIAGE, HUGH? WHAT A PIG! DO YOU WANT A PIG? NO, YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT!

 

YOU ARE 2ND BEST TO HIM. NOT NOT GOOD FOR YOU EMOTIONAL WELL BEING!

 

MUSTER UP YOUR SELF RESPECT AND DIGNITY AND DUMP HIS ASS. DONT RETURN ANY EMAILS, CALLS.

 

IN THE END, YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER FOR "Walking Away"!

 

Good luck, hon!

[Walking away]

Thanks.

 

I slept well last night. I let go of all the horrible emotions I was feeling last night. He knows that my hatred has replaced my love. I e-mailed him that. For he was a coward and didn't have the decency to allow me to "get out" all of my questions and feelings for him. He ran with his tail between his legs. And, he knowingly upset me by calling me and didn't have the guts to "finish" what he had started. He dismissed me like a little child.

 

And, that is what I was SO ANGRY about last night. THat, and the horrible mixed messages that he sent me this past month.....You guys all know what has been going on. Crazy making behavior....

 

Thanks for your support. I am truly better today. Once I let go, I really let go. And, I let go a while ago. This just reinforces that I am absolutely doing the right thing...

 

Hugs to you all....I am okay.

[Walking away]

And, I will never hear from this man again.

[Sami_D]

Sometimes, exactly the right thing happens to help us on with our lives. I would look at what he did as a gift to you... now you KNOW what a selfish jackass he is.

[RecordProducer]

Stop banging your head off the wall, hun! The affair is over. He's history. Convert the negative energy into something constructive.

[movinon05]

I don't know your whole story, but what you described is much of what happened to me. And when my MM ended it (after 7 years), he didn't have the guts to tell me. He just never called again when he said he was going to leave. He always said to me that he could never look me in the eye and say goodbye because he loved me too much and I know that's what would be his excuse now. I went through all the emotions and moved on and have been better for it. Over a year later, three weeks ago, he left two handmade end tables on my porch with a belated birthday card, and promised he would love me always. I was shaking and couldn't stop the shaking, and my kids were around. Later on, I did the crying and angry thing. I immediately put them in the attic because I couldn't bear to look at them. And didn't know what to do with them. It was very difficult. After letting myself calm down and talking to friends, a week later, I left them on his lawn early in the morning. It was my statement to him that it was over and I was not letting him do this to me again. I felt empowered. I took my life back again. And I felt much better for it.

 

I never got to say everything I wanted to say either. He knows he wouldn't be able to handle it and its hard not being able to do that, but I'm sure he knows.

 

I just want to tell you that even though you're angry and then calm, it can all happen again at the least little thing. Mine happened a year later! Your emotions are going to run again. Just hang in there. I can honestly say that my life is so much better not having to live with all that secrecy and nervousness, not knowing what would happen each day.

 

I wish you luck. You've got all the support you need here. As hard as it is, when you start to think about the good times, think about the bad. He is merely pond scum.

[zarathustra]

WA, I wish I could have been there for you when you were going through this. I'm glad you feel better now. What he said was disrespectful to you given your position on the matter and disrespectful to his W (if he is trying to work on things). I know that my xMM is a complete jerk for how he treated me. Deep down, I think he is still a good person who made some tragic mistakes. I do miss the bond that we had before our getting together. I think that's what I miss more than anything. But, c'est la vie.

 

By the way, its really rude of him to read your post. Again a true sign of someone who takes and takes without any intention of giving back. Here, we talk about our feelings and emotions and our pain. His reading our private thoughts and conversations with each other is like him getting ammunition to make it possible to manipulate you.

 

To WAs MM, you are pond scum for playing mind games to someone who is willing to commit her life to you. To share your pain when you feel it, to cry tears with you when you let them fall and to share your joy and be your biggest champion. You already took that away from her when you chose your wife, don't try to take more away. Be a human being... be a man!

[RecordProducer]

By the way, its really rude of him to read your post. Again a true sign of someone who takes and takes without any intention of giving back. Here, we talk about our feelings and emotions and our pain. His reading our private thoughts and conversations with each other is like him getting ammunition to make it possible to manipulate you.

I disagree with this. She posts here knowing that he will read what she wrote so it's her free will to inform him of her thoughts and feelings. This is a public forum, not her personal mailbox. She can post under another username so I take it she WANTS him to read this. It's a way of communication she maintains with him, because it's hard for her to cut him off completely.

 

Actually, if he wouldn't read her posts, it would only mean that he totally doesn't care. How can you expect from someone to not read what people write about them? It would be actually disrespectful to ignore her feelings.

 

MM, if you're really reading this, leave this lady alone if you have a grain of humaneness in your heart. She's hurting and needs to move on. You chose to stay with your wife so let her move on please. You had your cake and ate it; it's time for you to give it up. You can't have full happiness at other people's expense. It makes you a bad person if you do it.