Apathetic Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Hi..Im sure most of you know my story by now & know how hard it is for me..Well in the past few days I have come to realize that I CANT talk to my ex anymore & NEED to,but DONT want to cut off all ties.Lately its just been nothing but BS hurtful things he has said to me.He is VERY immature & VERY spiteful..Ex: He had said something to me that pissed me off real bad so at the end of the convo when he said he had to go b/c he was sick,I told him I hoped he dropped dead...(mind you this is the FIRST "mean" thing I have EVER said to him & it was building up & I had to say it,he deserved it after what he said to me earlier) He emails me a min after saying "Well in that case im going out with a girl tonight,should be lots of fun,better than youll ever be"...3 days later I IM him asking him WTF is wrong with him & how could he say that to me & his response was that he didnt mean it & he never really went out w/ a girl..So you see now by what I mean when I say immature & spiteful.So after that convo I knew this was it & that I had to stop contact,but right now I miss him.When my phone w/ off before signaling that I had a text message,I HOPED it was him,as he always sent me one saying lovey dovey stuff..that was 'our thing',he would always send me every single night saying I love you and stuff.So im thinking why would I be hoping it was him when I know its really over for good now & that hes an a**h*** who disrespects me!Im still hoping he will text me one day(soon).WHY AM I HOPING THIS?! Its so pathetic.. Last time we hung out was 6 days ago & it was arite,nothing special.I still had 'those feelings' around him & still do but I know its over.So why do I keep checking to see if hes online,if hes in a chatroom,hoping he will try & get in touch w/ me,wondering if hes wondering what im doing...I know that talking to him will only bring pain but yet I still TORTURE myself w/ the things Im doing..Ridiculous!!!!!!
the_alchemyst Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 As I told you before, I don't know how you can do this. Hell, I have to close my laptop every almost every time I think about him when I'm online because I get so tempted to look at his website. And why don't I? Because seeing a picture of him will upset me for the entire day. See--I'm pathetic. I think that the reason why you do what you do is because you still yearn to be with him. And what is up with him? Why does he purposely try to make you feel bad like that? Either he's just a real a**h*** or he wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him, but is too much of an immature a**h*** to admitt it. Either way he's being an a**h***! Just stop talking to him! Just forget it! Everytimes you feel tempted, get up and walk away. Do something else while your mind forgets about it. Come on, hon--if I the over-emotional loon can do NC (although my reasons are strictly founded on fear . . . so my NC is pretty much BS, but NC nonetheless), then surely you can too! *hugs* Don't be sad!
MadDog Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 I agree with the_alchemyst here. You're making it a lot harder on yourself by continuing to have contact with your ex. Try NC for at least a few months to give yourself time to get over him.
Author Apathetic Posted April 7, 2006 Author Posted April 7, 2006 alchemyst:You arent pathetic!..I can totally relate to being upset for the day if seeing a pic of the EX,I was just going through my old texts & started to go through the 18 texts I have left(had alot more but deleted them) from him & started reading them..Now im upset lol..I think I do that because I like to feel as if he still feels the same as when he wrote those.I suppose 'reminisce'...I know im causing myself pain but since im already in enough,whats a lil more going to do? Stupid logic,I know.. As for intentionally trying to get me upset,hes immature & just an ass is all.He said that because I told him I hoped he dropped dead so he decided to go back to 5th grade & 'pay me back' by hurting me w/ trying to get me jealous.He is 24 mind you!...You & Maddog basically say to just 'forget him' & stop all NC..THATS HARD! especially since the feelings ive had for him,ive never experienced before for anyone else- not even for the ex's I was with for 3 and 2 yrs!..Ive known this one for only 7 months! The most ive gone without talking to him is 3 days & then after that I start to get antsy & return his phone call looking for me.Right now its been 2 days since we spoke & exactly a week since we last seen eachother & I miss him,but im not going to call him.My stuborness is whats keeping me from calling him,even tho its over I want him to wonder where I am,what im doing & to get in touch w/ ME instead of the other way around.I am not giving in & calling HIM. Im not sure when ill be over this,we really did have something special,he was the only one ive ever really been happy with.He made me smile for NO reason,just thinking about him was all I needed to smile.We used to talk on the phone for 4-5 hrs every night & see eachother every/other day & we never got sick of eachother.As soon as he would drop me off at my house,I would miss him as soon as I entered my house after spending a 13 hr day together!..It was crazy in the beginning & I wish it was still like that.In fact id do anything right now to get that back:(
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