Husband's 'style' is becoming unattractive, but he likes it!?

[Pinkerton3]

Wow, well my husband has always been attentive to his clothes, hair, fashion. But his facial hair, and hairstyle is not attractive to me lately and I am trying to find out how to get that across to him without hurting his feelings!! I did try this morning, but he took it bad. He knows I don't like him with a mustache...I think it ages him by 15 years (he is only 25) plus it is uncomfortable to kiss him....so we never "makeout" anymore....and that is very important foreplay to me.

He loves his shaggy hair that he is growing out, and I miss his clean cut sexy look. He used to wear an earring, which turns me on (he knows that) yet he still is so into his "experiments" that seem to change every quarter.

It just seems like he only wants to please himself, and now that we are married, I think it's important to want to please your spouse as well. This is an ongoing battle of about 5 or 6 years of us being together. It's just lately that I am tired of it, and feel like my opinion should count, right?

 

I love him no matter what, and tell him/show him my love all the time, but what do I do? I feel like what I think doesn't matter to him.

 

Help!

[blind_otter]

He's 25. He's still finding out who he is.

 

And your opinion should count, but he should have to dress just to make you happy. He should be able to wear clothes he likes -- if he looks presentible.

 

I personally don't care what my SO wears, or how his hair is cut. I love him for who he is, not what he looks like. Admittedly I find him so physically attractive that I think he looks great no matter what.

 

Let him know you'll make out more if he loses the stache... he probably will.

[Sassy]

If he feels good about his look let him keep doing it. As long as he bathe's and keeps up his personal hygeine who care !! He isn't going to change this style for you he will do it when he is ready. Maybe he thinks the rough look makes him manly and more sexy. He must have a self esteem issue. How long has he been looking rough? Maybe it is a phase and will pass. Go with it for now .

[Pinkerton3]

Well that's the thing....he has been putting "oil" in his hair lately because he said gel doesn't work, so his hair is looking greasy, and when I say "shaggy" I mean messy, uneven, needs to 'clean it up'. He kinda reminds me of that stapler guy in the "office space" movie!

 

He willl occasionally shave the stache, but only for maybe a few weeks, then it's back, and the makeout sessions don't seem to motivate him:(

 

That's where I am starting to feel torn, and I feel like what I want doesn't matter to him. We ended our conversation this morning by him just saying, "well when I come home, you just do whatever you want to me" in a "whatever, I am hurt so I give up" kind of way.

 

I don't want him to feel bad at ALL! but I gotta be able to voice my concerns, right? He looks Un presentable and Unkempt, and he is better than that! Do any other wives have these kind of issues with their men??

[JackJack]

"he must have a self esteem issue."

 

 

Why is sometimes when someone changes the way they look, clothes, hairstyle etc, some people think maybe its a self esteem problem? Sure that might be the case sometimes, but not all. I mean if that were the case, every single time everyone on earth went and bought a new outfit, got a haircut, highlights etc, then we could all claim to be doing it because we have a "self esteem issue."

 

I like my g/f's hair longer, but she prefers it a little shorter, she says its easier to take care of. I like her to wear nice dresses sometimes when we go out, she perfers jeans, and a nice top. Sure she compromises with me just as I do her sometimes, depending on where we're going and what look might look best etc. It is important that your partner likes how you look, but whats more important is how you feel you look or what you like, we are all indivuduals.

[Sassy]

Well that's the thing....he has been putting "oil" in his hair lately because he said gel doesn't work, so his hair is looking greasy, and when I say "shaggy" I mean messy, uneven, needs to 'clean it up'. He kinda reminds me of that stapler guy in the "office space" movie!

 

He willl occasionally shave the stache, but only for maybe a few weeks, then it's back, and the makeout sessions don't seem to motivate him:(

 

That's where I am starting to feel torn, and I feel like what I want doesn't matter to him. We ended our conversation this morning by him just saying, "well when I come home, you just do whatever you want to me" in a "whatever, I am hurt so I give up" kind of way.

 

I don't want him to feel bad at ALL! but I gotta be able to voice my concerns, right? He looks Un presentable and Unkempt, and he is better than that! Do any other wives have these kind of issues with their men??

 

He can put mousse it in if the gel isn't working. Maybe he needs a trim not a hair cut for his dead ends to help his hair work better. My hair won't do crap when i need a trim no matter what i use on it . Yeah you have the right to say it but be careful how you say it. If he is having a self esteem issue this can hurt more than help. He told you as soon as he gets home do whatever . Do some kind of style that you both will agree on . Use caution with your words please!! Wouldn't recommend him using oil bad choice makes it look dirty.

[blind_otter]

Well that's the thing....he has been putting "oil" in his hair lately because he said gel doesn't work, so his hair is looking greasy, and when I say "shaggy" I mean messy, uneven, needs to 'clean it up'. He kinda reminds me of that stapler guy in the "office space" movie!

 

He willl occasionally shave the stache, but only for maybe a few weeks, then it's back, and the makeout sessions don't seem to motivate him:(

 

That's where I am starting to feel torn, and I feel like what I want doesn't matter to him. We ended our conversation this morning by him just saying, "well when I come home, you just do whatever you want to me" in a "whatever, I am hurt so I give up" kind of way.

 

I don't want him to feel bad at ALL! but I gotta be able to voice my concerns, right? He looks Un presentable and Unkempt, and he is better than that! Do any other wives have these kind of issues with their men??

 

 

Well how would you feel if he kept bothering you about how you look messy and you keep wearing pants that make your ass look fat?

 

I dunno, on the one hand I can understand why you're not happy, but on the other, I've had men try to control how I look and I hate it. It makes me feel bad about myself. I dress the way I like, and it makes me feel comfortable and happy.

 

And he is ONLY 25! His brain hasn't finished developing yet.

[JackJack]

I hate to ask this, but is it possible he is doing this "change" for someone else, and thats why he doesn't seem overly bothered it?

[Sassy]

I hate to ask this, but is it possible he is doing this "change" for someone else, and thats why he doesn't seem overly bothered it?

 

Damn Jack that is exactly what i was thinking!! Sometimes people will change their apperance such as clothes, hair ,body when they are trying to impress another woman/man besides your spouse or SO!! Don't know if this is the case but it happens. Have you noticed anything that would make you think otherwise?

[Pinkerton3]

Most of his looks are experiments, so I know this "phase" will eventually pass, it's just been something that affects our sex life, which is mucho important!

 

He knows this, but just wants to look good, and yes....he does have some self image/self esteem issues. He said he does feel really good about his latest look, he feels confident about it. I just wish that what I thought had enough impact for him to want to please me.

 

He likes me to always paint my toes, so I do. He loves long hair, and he massages my head more when it's long, so I grow it out (even thought its VERY thick and Black and in Southern Cali it's a BITCH when it's hot!) .

 

I guess the REAL issue is more about him not feeling like he needs to please me in these ways, when I do it for him, and our tastes are just different right now.

Sighh

Thanks so much for your feedback, guys, keep it comin'

[Sassy]

Most of his looks are experiments, so I know this "phase" will eventually pass, it's just been something that affects our sex life, which is mucho important!

 

He knows this, but just wants to look good, and yes....he does have some self image/self esteem issues. He said he does feel really good about his latest look, he feels confident about it. I just wish that what I thought had enough impact for him to want to please me.

 

He likes me to always paint my toes, so I do. He loves long hair, and he massages my head more when it's long, so I grow it out (even thought its VERY thick and Black and in Southern Cali it's a BITCH when it's hot!) .

 

I guess the REAL issue is more about him not feeling like he needs to please me in these ways, when I do it for him, and our tastes are just different right now.

Sighh

Thanks so much for your feedback, guys, keep it comin'

 

So he isn't meeting your needs emotionally and physically? Are you sure the change isn't for someone else? Do you notice any red flags?

[Pinkerton3]

And no, we have moved around alot (state to state), there is no way he is doing this for someone else. No suspicions.

 

But I can see how maybe an attractive girl or two that he works with could have complimented him on part of his "look", and that may be his motivation for feelin' so damn good about it. That would make a LOT of sense, because men love attention from other women....Even though men (and my husband) seem to find me quite attractive, I understand how awesome it feels when another attractive person compliments you. It makes you feel like hot stuff..and a HUGE ego boost.

 

I Just want him to clean it up, He is hot no matter what, he just looks greasy and moustaches remind me of molesters. That's why me and my husband have coined the term "molester mustache" lol.

I know he likes the stache because he looks older with it, and more people at work seem to treat him better with it, *sigh*

 

Maybe we will take turns every month or something with the stache (he can grow it pretty quick) and just clean up his hair line and ditch the oil for some pomade or somethin'.....

[blind_otter]

You can stop painting your toe nails every day and cut your hair short.

 

There problem solved.

[Gorgeous]

Fro starters, I'm also 25.

What's funny... I'm usualy very VERY meticulous about my physical upkeep in regards to hair/facial hair, etc... I like having my hair fairly short and "messy" but not sloppy. But my girlfriend really likes it when my hair is longer. I haven't gotten a haircut in almost two months and it's honestly killing me. I can't do ANYTHING with it anymore, so I end up wearing stocking caps and beanies a la Enrique Iglecias (which she also loves).

I find it funny that my GF want's the opposite of what you want.

 

I know where your husband is coming from when he uses the hair oil. I can't use a gel/pomade when my hair is this long, so I end up using what is basically an oil based pomade or "hair wax". I hate it too. I makes me feel like a creep.

 

And FYI, you can shorten "molester mustache" to a nice combination:

Molestache. (pronounced: Moe-less-tash)

[edisoonmed]

that's the look right now...not for me, but i've

noticed it on other dudes.

 

The "Unshaven" "greasy hair" look. The dirtier the

better, it's almost like GRUNGE has come back.

If you love the guy, it should matter. But he's really

looking like a slob and doesn't give a crap about what you

think, that's kinda lame.

[Pinkerton3]

Well, after hearing all you had to say...I talked to him casually last night and we decided to compromise. I trimmed his hair so it wasn't "messy" and he agreed to ditch the oil. I actually LOVE his hair when it's long, just as long as it's not creepy lookin. And he agreed to every two months to shave his "molestache", hehee.

So it's all good, everyones happy....and my toe nails are still painted and my hair is LOOOONG as ever!

Thanks!