whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Another aspect of this - IF she won't leave your husband alone (and he has FOR SURE told her goodbye) is to actually get her family involved in this. I'm sure her folks would NOT be pleased with her actions...Getting involved with a MM and STILL pursuing him after he tried to break it off, knowing that he has children and another one on the way. Anyway, that is a last resort, but something to think about. Owl has given you some awesome advice, as usual.
Author lover's rock Posted April 6, 2006 Author Posted April 6, 2006 Her family knows and has already told her that she's making bad decisions and that she needs to let him go.
Sami_D Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I'm just wondering if the W being pregnant is enough for the OW to see the end? Knowing that he's been intimate with his W when you were under the impression that he wasn't. Well if my MM's W suddenly became pregnant, and therefore I'd know he'd been lying to me, then it would definitely put ME off him! But... did he tell her he hadn't been having sex with you? Not all MM lie about that. The only thing that will put an OW off the relationship, if she still wants it, is the MM telling her in no uncertain terms that it's over, and going NC. And sticking to it (rather than lying to you and seeing her anyway). Just as Owl says. You have no idea what he's telling her about the baby. One night of sex when he was feeling weak? He doesn't want it. Please stay with me, baby... we can see this through. Once the kid is older I can leave her. I don't know how to cope with this without you by my side. I just need to hear your voice. I've read it all before... OW hear this stuff every day. What he tells you he tells her... is quite possibly just a lot of bull.
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Her family knows and has already told her that she's making bad decisions and that she needs to let him go. Then what you BOTH can tell her is, if she doesn't leave your husband alone HER family will be contacted by you and your husband and be asked to keep her away. A good threat like that could scare her off. Especially if she has a conscious and a family who will royally lay into her for her actions.
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 What he tells you he tells her... is quite possibly just a lot of bull. You may not want to hear this, but Sami is right. Go read afew posts by OW in this section...See how similar their stories are, how ALL the MM have a certain 'way' about them to keep their OW around. Your husband is at fault for this, maybe more so than the OW in this case. Unless she is crazy and obsessive, built up this fantasy into something more... But chances are, she hasn't and he has allowed this affair to turn into a loving relationship with her.
scarletletter Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Absolutely not...the relationship would be over immediately. If they are in love enough to have another child, then he doesn't need anyone else. There is no way I would stick around for that.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 LR, you sound surprisingly calm in handling this affair of your husband. I must, however, advice you against getting pregnant as a means of getting the OW out of the picture. Think of it this way: when you are pregnant, your husband may have an increased temptation to see the OW. You really do not want to lose your H when you are pregnant. My best suggestion to you is to move away from her, or get a restraining order against her. Ultimately, your husband has to be the one to be firm about staying clear of her. Good luck.
CeeJayXX Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 No she's not married. And he is letting her go. He's made a tremendous turn around in light of this situation. He told her yesterday so it still remains to be seen as to whether all contact will end between them. I'm just wondering if she will let it die. If she will let it be' date=' finally. And him as well. He's tried 3 times to walk away already. This is the fourth time he's walked away from her. I wonder if it is the final time? Only time will tell. I'm just wondering what's going through her mind. I'm wondering if this is enough for her to let go or if she is willing to still be there on the side even though there is no future with her. H has said that he's unwilling to facilitate drama or any kind of encounter with her because he doesn't want to upset me. It's hard not to worry but I think I'm doing a good job of not focusing on the negatives of this situation.[/quote'] H needs to cut OW off in one swoop.......He can't just work on letting her go because it won't happen. I'll tell you why I think this way. Please know I am an OW and have had my MM for 3 years..... I think you are handling this way better than most would. If my MM came to me and said he and his W were expecting a child (in my mind) it would be acceptable (providing they already have others) .... I know that sounds crazy but I am not nieve to someone's stories that their household is in shambles and there is no sex...etc... I think you will see the OW will work harder to make H happy to keep him around (at whatever expense to her)....But I will tell you that for most Ow's would be devistated at first with the news. I guess because I couldnt be in that situation with my MM, I can not completey relate. I hope everything works out for you in the end.
movinon05 Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 I was the OW and I have to agree with everyone and also say, you are being too understanding. Remember all the lies and going back and forth to her. My ex-MM did the same thing. It was like a seesaw. I can't count how many times he went back and forth. And I knew his W and she was no picnic. You should stop being so nice and put your foot down. Tell him if he goes back again, it is over, and follow through. I don't know what the OW is doing. But you're letting him get away with too much.
zarathustra Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 LR, for me, a new baby would be it. But in my case, I couldn't be with my xMM until he made himself available to me. It was all or nothing... either he wanted to be with me or he wanted to be with his family. I didn't want to deal with a man with split loyalties. He chose to be with me at first, told his W about me and then he moved in with me. Then after 4 months, he decided that he wanted to be home with his family. So had he come to me and told me about a baby with the wife that he's supposed to be separated from, it would have been a definite 'see you later'.
Recommended Posts