Guest Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 does the person who initiates NC all of a sudden doesn't care anymore? Am still in the early phases of this, and i guess i feel angry that the other person doesnt seem to want to see how i am. If you are a dumper, how do you feel?
Never Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 It depends on the situation. I broke up with my girlfriend not too long ago - not because I didn't love her, but because I wanted some NC to see if she's really happy with me, or if she would want something else. I felt good for a while, because she really wanted to be with me. When I starting loosing the NC, she started liking someone else. So in my situation, NC meant I actually loved her. But usually, when somebody breaks up with someone else because they don't want to be with them or something, NC usually means they want to move on.
CaliGuy Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 NC is primarily for your own healing. You should be glad they aren't trying to contact you right now and interrupt your progress. Focus on healing yourself, not what they are thinking.
SmoochieFace Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 does the person who initiates NC all of a sudden doesn't care anymore? Am still in the early phases of this, and i guess i feel angry that the other person doesnt seem to want to see how i am. If you are a dumper, how do you feel? The simple answer to your question is... yes, I have quit caring and that's why I don't have any desire to contact you. NC can also mean *not caring*. If I am dumped then there is no way in hell that I will make any effort to contact the X. I have no reason to. I have moved on with my life and that is all that matters. Whether she is *angry* or not that I haven't made any effort to find out *how she is doing* isn't important to me. An X is an X...
magda Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 I don't think it's as simple as them not caring. To a degree, that's true. They broke up with you, they are moving on in their lives. They might already have somebody new. Also, though, they might not want to talk to you because you might be having a hard time with it. I wouldn't want to give someone false hope by talking to them. I also wouldn't want to deal with any questions that they may have.
In Sync Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 Even if the dumper does care..the reality is they dumped, ended the relationship, broke up, or whatever phrase is suitable, so in principle what difference does their caring matter at this point. They made a choice. Does it help you to think they care in order for you to move on, then think it. But if it's to provide you with false hope and hinders your ability to let go..it's a unhealthy point to dwell on. It's funny, but I don't see too many threads where the dumpers are asking do the dumpees still care if they initiate NC. The dumpers aren't stupid. Though we may not like being left, they those infamous dumpers are able to separate being sentimental and sticking in the picture longer than they want.
SmoochieFace Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 For me, it doesn't matter if the dumper cares or not. What matters is that I don't care.
riobikini Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 RE: Guest: " does the person who initiates NC all of a sudden doesn't care anymore?" For most, -"No". And it doesn't mean you can just turn the romantic emotions and the pain of the break on and off like a water faucet. They are still there, for alot of folks. 'NC' is -like another wise poster called 'fooled' says- accomplished by ***resolve***. -Rio
Guest Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 Quote: I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. Response: In response to this, much of what you said, and everyone else has said is useful. However, its not as simple as clinging to the past. The situation i have described is one in which the two of us had been in a long-distance relationship for the past 8 months, prior to being together ealier. There were problems earlier, and its not something i have run away from. He is however, coming back to live in the same (small) town in a few months time so at some point, he will be facing me, Its good to get a no-nonsence answer, but your use of the word 'problem' seemed a bit callous. Attitude and perception differences are one thing, implying that a person is somehow flawed or has a 'problem' because they are questioning something is irresponsible and helps nobody. Nonetheless, this is just part of a process. I'm sure you know yourself if you have ever been 'dumped' (such a bad word to use) that it is a bit of an up-down roller-coaster and that like most people, this website is used when you are experiencing the less positive aspects of your recovery. Do you see many threads here of people notating their happiness? No? This thread is about seeking clarification in order to deal with the 'coping' that is necessary. There are good days and bad, and there are days when you simply just want to ask. Thank you for your answer though. All us dumpees are much stronger than what others realise!
riobikini Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Dear Guest, I never thought, in a lifetime, I would ever be defending one of SmoochieFace's posts, -but his quote at the bottom is what he has had there for months. It's his own personal choice of a signature quote...I'm almost certain that he did not intend to offend you with it. As for the other posters, they were, in my opinion, very sincere in trying to offer help. Continue posting, -you may be strong, but you obviously are having a few moments where the advice and comforting words of others are needed. Wishing you the best! -Rio
SmoochieFace Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I never thought, in a lifetime, I would ever be defending one of SmoochieFace's posts, -but his quote at the bottom is what he has had there for months. Yeah, well, make this your only time cuz I don't need you defending me. I can hold my own quite well, thank you very much.
riobikini Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Of course, you can, Smoochie. (Sigh) No good deed goes unpunished.... As always, thank you for being your pleasant self...and take care. -Rio
SmoochieFace Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Of course, you can, Smoochie. (Sigh) No good deed goes unpunished.... As always, thank you for being your pleasant self...and take care. -Rio The pleasure is ALL mine indeed. You take care of yourself, you hear, and the next time you wanna have a chat with yours truly you just let me know, k?
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