I need to move on.

[Never]

I had been in a relationship for over a year with a girl who has been my friend for over four years (I am in Highschool). But recently, things got very stressful. A lot of things were going on in her life - she had to figure herself out. It is said that you can't make other people happy when you aren't happy yourself, and I find this to be true. I loved my significant other, thought she was 'the one', but in the last month of our relationship, I had tried as hard as I could to make her happy, but she couldn't be happy - resulting in her not able to make me happy.

So I thought maybe if we had some time off, we could both seperate and work ourselves out for each other. I still loved her very much, and she loved me. About a month after our break up; after her starting to show me she wanted to be in a relationship with me again (Being happy, nice, flirtatious all of the time; telling me how much she loved me), she stopped having feelings for me. One night on the phone, I said "I love you", and she couldn't say it back.

I started to panic, everything was going fine, what is going on? This must be a test or a joke or something, right? It was too surreal, I was here thinking we were about to get back together, and then she stops having feelings for me.

 

But if thought it wasn't enough, I find out a few days later she likes somebody else. When we broke up, we made somewhat of a promise that if we moved on without each other, we would give the other time to catch up. But she decides to move into a relationship before I even thought she was looking for somebody else.

 

Since we go to the same school together, I have to see her around, so I can't really abide by the 'rules' of moving on and break contact; we have a few classes together. Believe me - if it was up to me I wouldn't talk to her to help get over things. But I see her everyday. And I don't only see her everyday, now I see her with him. They are around, holding hands, going out places together - what, a week later?

I feel like since he was there when she was sort of on the rebound, she feels like she can be with him and fall back on me. But I don't want to be that way, after all of this I can't even look at her anymore - but only because I still love her so much.

 

We also have almost all the same friends. When we became a couple, my friends got along with her friends, and now we're all a mutual group. So I don't really have any external friends to help me get over it, since everyone else is mutual about it. Here's the problem - her new significant other is one of our friends too.

Every week, we all go over to our friend's house, and now they'll be there together. I don't know what to do - I don't want to be there and see them, but I want to be with my friends. What should I do?

 

I also need guidance on how to move on - how should I deal with things? Most of the time I feel like I want her to move on if it makes her happy, but I feel like she's not even thinking about things. And now I feel horrible because I don't even want to be her friend anymore - and she knew I wouldn't want to be - but she still continues to be with him.

 

Thank you for looking at this, I was sort of skeptical posting my 'life story' on a forum, but I need help more than I ever have.

[MadDog]

First off, I'm sorry to hear your story dude. It really blows what happened to you. It seems like your ex went from being your loving g/f to bitch almost overnight. Believe me when I say this though: there will be other girls and there is also a girl out there that you can be even happier with.

 

You have both the advantage & disadvantage of being so young. On one side, you get to have a lot of fun & experience a lot of things for the first time. On the other, some of those firsts include bad things like heartbreak. The key here is to not let it get you down too much & realize that you will have tons more chances for love.

 

I know some people might not recommend this but you can try dating another girl--just keep it casual & fun, not too serious. At least this way you won't feel like you're just suffering alone, having to watch your ex with some guy. You might even end up having some fun. Good luck, I know you'll be fine in the end.

[Never]

Thank you very much for your reply, MadDog,

That's true - for a while I felt like things were over in my entire life, as she was the best part in it, it seemed. But I realize that I will be able to move on and there will eventually be another girl to be in the same place she was. Not to replace her - as I don't regret ever being with her, she was an amazing person. But there will be others out there.

I am glad that this happened so young, so later in life, when it may be more important in life, I will have this experience already.

The whole dating another girl thing I go both ways on. Part of me doesn't want to, because I don't want to become attached to them and have similar things happen. But then on the other side, I feel like I shouldn't be afraid, and I might aswell have fun with another person instead of sulking about it.

I do think I might have a small likingness toward a friend of mine, but I think we just flirt and it wouldn't be anything more. And I never know how to take her signals. I never was interested in anyone else when my ex and I were together, honestly, but now I feel like since my ex has moved on I should try to as well. So I'm going to just go along with things, and maybe if my friend thinks we should take things more seriously I would be willing to do so.

Again, thank you for your input

[MadDog]

You're welcome. And just one more thing. You seem almost insanely mature for your age. Try not to have the personality of an old man by the time you're 21, alright?

 

By the way, college is just around the corner. Literally hundreds of hot coeds just waiting for you to hook up with them. Man, you're in for a ride.

[AltplanB]

Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down.

 

One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if it's right, and they're real lucky.

[Guest]

Well I guess I'll take that as a complement, MadDog. Haha, I'm not like a nerd or geek or anything, but for some reason I just think of almost everything in a situation. I like to think I'm a pretty good problem solver because of it.

I won't have the personality of an old man, or atleast I hope. I'm just trying to be mature about this situation, since there's no point in me begging/clinging to my ex, and I'm trying to make things better.

I guess I just find it a bit funny because when I'm around my friends, I'm definately not the most mature there, we always joke around about practically anything.

 

Alt - I have to go right now but I understand what you're saying. Things don't work out the way we hope them to, I just wish I could, haha

[Never]

I thought I had already replied, but it must not have registered..

Anyway, MadDog, I guess I can take that as a complement. I don't feel overly mature for my age, and if you were to ask my friends they would probably say otherwise. And I don't think my personality will change into an old man's at 21 or anything, I guess I'm just mature about the situation because I know I might as well stop trying to get her back when it can't work out.

 

Well I'm very confused right now. Yesterday I talked to my ex, and she actually said she would stop doing this, stop things with her new 'other', because she realizes how much it hurts me. She said she will prove her friendship to me by showing me she can do this.

But now it's obvious she doesn't value our friendship. Today, we were all at my friend's house, and they were sitting next to eachother alone, talking and flirting the whole time. Then she'll come up to me as though nothing's wrong, and says "Hey" happily. What the hell? Can't she realize what she's doing to me? When I said hey back, then turned away she tried making me feel guilty; she thinks there's no reason for me to have these feelings - or any feelings at all.

 

So I am officially moving on now. I do still care for her, but she's not worth this. I wish I could just not have to see her everyday, I wish I could abide by the NC rule. I really don't want her in my life anymore, as she's now proven more than once our friendship means very little to her.