What do I do?

[Guest]

I am really looking for some help here. My wife and I have been married for nearly 12 years and have four kids together. She has always been into what she wants, but it really hit hard about two years ago and has gotten really bad the past six months or so. She has always had the dream to become a flight attendant and actually started to do this as of January of this year. I "grudgingly agreeed bacause she was going to do it whether I liked it or not. The job really hasn't been all that bad, but is getting worse for her being gone a lot. The worst part about this is that she has started to go out more in between her flying times and I hardly ever see her. Before the flight attendant job, she worked and made ok money, but took a pretty big paycut for the flight attendant job. Now she is racking up her credit card when she goes on trips and pretty much is spending more than she makes. I am trying to invest and build up some future for our family, but she is not letting this happen. There is a lot more to this, but I have already been too wordy. I am at the point where I want to give up. She has no respect for me and doesn't care what I think. I don't want her to drag me down with her, but I still love her and don't want to let her go. Is there anything I can do to seperate the obligation of our finances without calling it quits on the marriage?

[Scott S]

Hello. Welcome to the board.

 

Sorry to hear of your ordeal. I know how painful this must be.

 

From what I read, you have two separate set of issues here. You specifically asked about the practical (read: financial) ramifications, so I will address those here.

 

A lot depend on where you live. Namely what the marital/community property laws are. These vary widely state to state.

 

The other issue is how your charge accounts were opened, whether they were combined, etc. Accounts opend jointly are generally considered as joint & several liability, meaning that either or both of oyu are liable up to the full balance. Which means that if she were to disappear, you would end up liable for repayment of the full balance. And vice-versa.

 

Accounts originally separate then combined may be separable again. In both of these cases it depends on the lender's policies.

 

Meanwhile, you may do well to cancel the credit cards to prevent the hole from getting any deeper. Also discuss you situation with an attorney, in order to determine what your rights & responsibilities are.

 

I hate to sound like a prophet of doom, & I hope things get better. But in the meantine you owe it to yourself to protect yourself.

 

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If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be - Yogi Berra