could i ever be forgiven?

[Guest]

I am so consumed with guilt and remorse for my actions. My ex and i broke up 3 months ago and i lost my head over it. Really crossed the line. I said haeful things and in one heated meeting i even shoved and him and hit him and screamed i hated him (all in desperation and overwhelming grief of course). Now i am so ashamed, this is not me at all. I really let my emotions get the best of me.

 

I think i was angry about the breakup but also a lot more. I treated him very well during the relationship. Above and beyond really. (I know it may not seem it from actions post breakup). I never lost my cool once or even yelled at him the whole 6 months we dated. Even when i was upset i always tried to understand his point of view and feelings. I listened about his work troubles, and helped him with school. He did some nasty things to me that i forgave and never held over his head. I once confided in him about my past relationship hurts and then one night threw it in my face, and on night i broke my arm (5days b4 we broke up) while i was in emerg for 2 1/2 hrs with no pain meds hesaid to my face "maybe i shouldn't be such a difficult patient.

 

The whole relationship felt like we would spend a lot of time together for a few weeks (b/c we both wanted to) and then he would freak out and need his space. But then he would say have faith in me and be patient. I felt like i was on eggshells at end of the relationship, always afraid he would end it. I was feeling unimportant towards the end and tried to talk to him about it. he seemed angry and told me that to ask him to make plans with me ahead of time was too much (he always wanted to be last minute).

 

When we broke up he said that "relationships weren't a priority for him right now, that he neeeded to be alone." I was ok for like the first week, and then the anger and hurt just took over. i felt so used and unappreciated. he even agreed that i had right to be mad and that he had been an A$$. I kept badgering him b/c all i wanted was for him to see how good he had it with and recognize all i did. i know i crossed the line, but can i ever be forgiven? Does he know it was b/c i was hurting so bad that i lost my cool? Will he always just remember how i acted after the breakup or how i was to him in the relationship? Would he ever consider dating me in the future or did i mess any chance up?

 

I just feel like i ruined it, like if i had just been strong nough to leave it alone one day he would have come back. What do you think, is something like what i did forgiveable? Would any of you forgive and date someone who did what i did (keeping in mind that he had NOTHING until after we broke up, i was a great g/f)? I feel so helpless and hurt. i know i have to move on, but i just feel awful. To think he would NEVER consider dating me again kills me. any thoughts welcome..thanx

[tearful_soul22]

Been there and i truly sympathize with you. Given enough time perhaps he might forgive you, but then again maybe not. I've done the same thing with an ex..and i'm still hoping he would come back, but it's been over 6 months now and it doesn't look it's ever gonna happen. Having a positive attitude might help but sooner or later you have to decide to wait or move on. Afterall, he did say the relationship isn't a priority to him so stop wasting your time and get going. I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself.

[MadDog]

I personally wouldn't remain involved with a girl that would scream at me & shove me regardless of the circumstances. That's one line that should never be crossed.