STLguy Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 My GF and I have been dating for a little over 4 months now. She is still a virgin, but we have gone as far as we can without actually having sex and she has started taking birth control just in case. I want to bring the topic up, just to see where she stands on it, but I don't want to seem too pushy. How should I bring up the topic, I was thinking about just bringing it up when we're sitting around talking. Saying something like how it's the next logical step in the relationship, that I don't want to be too pushy, I just want us to discuss it so the first time is enjoyable and safe for the both of us. Would that be the best way, or should I just ask her if she's ready one night while we're fooling around? I really don't want to grab for a condom and find out that she isn't ready again, that's how we first discussed the topic months ago, and it was kind of awkward.
MadDog Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I've never had the fortune of being in the arduous situation you find yourself in but once you get the green light, you two are gonna be in for a hell of a ride. Why don't you watch a bunch of chick flicks or something to get her in the mood?
Lucasarts Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 the best way to let her know you're interested in sex is to ask her about. I would wine and dine her first tho, make it a really romantic evening/day out. Compliment her and all that, just enjoy the date. Then when you two are alone and you feel it is the right moment, ask her if she's been thinking about taking the relationship to the next level. the other way to do this is to become a lot more aggressive when you two are making out/fooling around. Let her know that you want to become more intimate and physical with her. You dont need to say it, just let your actions speak for yourself and damn 4 months of no sex?! jeez any longer and you're gonna turn into a celibate.
ImWithHim Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Well, as a typical female who does love to talk about relationships, I would personally not have wanted to talk about this the first time around. The fact that she's put herself on the birth control says she is considering it and making sure she stays safe. I would just nudge her to the next step next time you guys are fooling around. If she's receptive...you'll know.
Vertex Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I say, slowly move into it without a word. Start slowly move up the bases...
Curmudgeon Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I know I'm old but whatever happened to spontaneity? If you don't know when the time is right without having to plot it out, you're probably too young or immature to indulge in it. Sheeesh!
ddnnee Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 my friend's been dating one girl for 6 years - no sex yet... 4 months is a joke compared to this guy.
MadDog Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 my friend's been dating one girl for 6 years - no sex yet... 4 months is a joke compared to this guy. Holy hell! Any good reason why not? I think my loins would have exploded by then.
ImWithHim Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 my friend's been dating one girl for 6 years - no sex yet... 4 months is a joke compared to this guy. Unless they started "dating" when they were 10 and are now 16, that's really ridiculous IMHO. There is something very wrong with an adult relationship that lasts for 6 years and is not intimate.
amerikajin Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 How should I bring up the topic, I was thinking about just bringing it up when we're sitting around talking. Saying something like how it's the next logical step in the relationship, that I don't want to be too pushy, I just want us to discuss it so the first time is enjoyable and safe for the both of us. Would that be the best way, or should I just ask her if she's ready one night while we're fooling around? I really don't want to grab for a condom and find out that she isn't ready again, that's how we first discussed the topic months ago, and it was kind of awkward. Sexual intercourse is a stage in a relationship. One night stands notwithstanding, it's usually associated with exclusivity, though not always. But regardless, whenever you proceed to another stage in a relationship, you have to make sure that both of you are ready to do that together. I think that there are two ways you can try to advance to the next stage: you can either talk about it or just let it happen. I think there are advantages and disadvantages to both. I'm the kind of person who has a natural urge to define things so that there are no misunderstandings. Because I don't always read non-verbals well, I usually feel more inclined to talk about advancing to the next stage in a relationship. Some women are okay with this, and it's usually because they are on the same page and are merely agreeing with what you say. However, if a woman's not on the same page as you, you might make her feel uncomfortable. If you believe strongly that you should be pursuing sexual relations, then I suppose you have no choice but to broach the subject and let it be known where you stand. But it's possible you'll push her away. I'd say that since you already know she's a virgin, you know that she takes intimacy very seriously and isn't going to give it up to just anyone, and she may wait quite a long while. You might be well served just to let things happen and see if you can be more patient with her. If not, well then, you'll have to move on.
Guest Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I don't think some understand the situation, it's not as easy as moving up the bases, I tried that and it turned into an awkward evening when she stopped me as I started to put on a condom, told me she wasn't ready, and revieled that she was a virgin. I'm all for spontaneity. I'm willing to wait as long as I have to, I truely do love the girl and love being with her. The problem is I am a man, and going from relationships where it always happens to one I have to wait is odd. I didn't come out and start talking about it as many here seem to think that'd have wierd. Instead I said something to her like "I do have condoms available whenever you're ready" She responded with something like "OK, that's good" and said something about her not trusting the birth control. Still have no idea where she stands, whatever, it'll happen when it happens I guess.
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