Guest Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Some background about my relationship... When I was in highschool I always had special feelings towards this girl. Throughout the years, despite being 'just friends' and her having a boyfriend, we always had an on and off thing for one another. There were some years in highschool where I didnt give her a second thought, but other years where my feelings for her were strong. I had never done anything to express my liking for her as she had been dating someone the entire time we knew each other. I did know she liked me, but I never made any moves on her as I knew it was morally wrong to take someone else's girl away. In our graduation year I found out she was leaving to the states to go to school, and I realized I probably wasnt going to see her again. So, spontaneously, I made a surprise visit to her prom (I wasnt dressed up at all) and had one dance with her. I knew from that moment on that I had to have her. Years past and we kept in touch (rather, I initiated it) every now and then through email. Occassionally, I would see her a day or two whenever she came back to visit her family. Over those years, my feelings waned and I was ok with just being distant friends with her. Then, in the year '05 she came back to visit her family again during the christmas holidays. She contacted me and we met each other again; we had a great time. A few days following our get-together, I invited her to come to a new years party with me, hoping to have someone to kiss when the clock struck 12 (at the time, I only planned to give her a kiss on the cheek as a friend). She agreed to come to the party with me, and when the clock did hit 12 we did kiss, but not on the cheek. After that kiss everything changed. All my feelings for her that I thought had disappeared resurfaced, and I knew god was telling me that this was my only chance to have her. Four days following new years I asked her out. It was the happiest day of my life. The girl I had known for six years, and always liked finally became my girlfriend. A dream come true, if you will. Shortly after becoming a couple she left back to the states to go to school. We had a rough road maintaining the relationship, not only because of the long distance, but the fact that she was still not over her ex completely. Worrying about losing her, I visited her in the states during the week of valentines day. This made things so much better. Because of that visit, we both fell in love with each other. When I left back home, the relationship was great...for a while. Within 89 days of asking my girlfriend out, she decided to end the relationship. She claimed that this decision happened suddenly in one day. Her reason for the breakup was that she wasnt ready to be in a relationship and she needed to learn to be dependent on herself to be happy. I suspect the reason she thinks this way was because of her ex. They had a strong relationship. I could tell, during the course of the time I was in the states she would often bring him up. What hurts the most is how she broke up with me; it felt so cold. She told me she hoped that I could get over her, and that we could still be friends after this. It seemed like everything I had done was a distant memory to her. Its hard to believe now if she ever meant all the sweet things she's said to me; it seems like it was all lies. She claims that she did love me, but I'm not really sure if she did. She told me that she was so confused during this entire relationship, that during our happiest times she still thought about her ex. She was living her 'good moments' with her ex through me -- and you know what, that f***en hurts (excuse the language). I was used to cope with her pain over her ex and to make her realize that shes not ready to date. Well thats the background of my relationship. I havent even been broken up over a day yet (we broke up late into the night) and I dont know what to feel. I know over the next few weeks I will be going through a whirlwind of emotions, so I decided to use this forum as some kind of outlet to get my thoughts out. Im not hoping to get back together with my ex. I just want to be able to get over this quickly, but not foolishly, being under the impression that I 'think' im over her. I want to be friends with her again. And I think the moment I am comfortable being her friend again, I will have completely healed and gotten over this. I dont wish anything bad on my ex. It was unforturnate she had to date a guy that made her become the way that she is. I only hope that she will someday know what she wants in a relationship and be happy with the next person shes with. After feeling this heartbreak, I dont this upon anyone.
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