starlight2025 Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I have often read on these boards that having an unforgiving spirit towards your significant other is a sign of immaturity. Why is that? Can't a person have good looks, steady job, good hygeine, good education, high intelligence but just be an unforgiving person when others wrong him?? Doesn't he have that right to withold forgiveness? As far as the laws of the land are concerned I don't have to forgive anyone who wrongs me. I don't even have to talk to anybody. By the way I am describing myself here. Just because I refuse to forgive my girlfriend when she says or does something that offends me doesn't mean I'm immature. That has nothing to do with my intelligence & education & occupational status. I have no problem ignoring insults in the workplace because I expect that. To me the workplace is primarily a place to earn money and not a place to make friends anyway. It's harder to take insults when it comes from my own gf. So is it necessary to have a forgiving spirit in order to be in a relationship? Why or why not? Or is it more important that I have gotten other departments taken care of such as my good hygeine, good looks, steady job?? Afterall I don't think a woman will even give a man a time of day if he smells bad regardless of how many other good qualities he has. Since you all don't know what I look or smell like I know you can't comment on that. All you can comment on is the ugliness in my soul. But family members have told me that I'm handsome on the outside but I'm ugly on the inside.
MadDog Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 If your girl is insulting you, it's time to get a new girl as opposed to holding a grudge. If I feel someone has deliberately wronged me, I don't forgive either. They get put on my hit list. The bottom line is, a relationship shouldn't be full of anger. It can be frustrating sometimes but if your partner cares, they won't ever wrong you on purpose.
CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Forgiveness precedes Letting Go. If you don't forgive, you hold on to hate. Hate makes you bitter. Bitterness doesn't allow you to forgive. Again, if you can't forgive you will never truly let go. And if you don't let go, you will never heal, improve and be ready for someone new to come into your life. Hate/bitterness is all living in the past. I can't think of one situation where living in the past has been beneficial.
MadDog Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Forgiveness precedes Letting Go. If you don't forgive, you hold on to hate. Hate makes you bitter. Bitterness doesn't allow you to forgive. Again, if you can't forgive you will never truly let go. And if you don't let go, you will never heal, improve and be ready for someone new to come into your life. Hate/bitterness is all living in the past. I can't think of one situation where living in the past has been beneficial. Sounds a bit like a haiku. Well said.
Author starlight2025 Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 Does this mean that my chances of succeeding with women are slim if I'm racist?
CaliGuy Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Does this mean that my chances of succeeding with women are slim if I'm racist? Depends on how you define racist. If you prefer women of a certain type because that is what you are attracted to, no. If you shun women of a certain race because you HATE them, yes. Hate is a bad thing. And thanks, MadDog
Citizen Erased Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 ooh this is the satanist, racists against white people, wanting to leave fiancee at the altar weirdo... these threads are very entertaining!
Author starlight2025 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Posted April 6, 2006 Hey caliguy I read your guide to being a balanced man. In there you said that balanced guys call their girlfriends no more than once or twice a week. You also stated that balanced guys wait 1-2 days to respond to e-mails or return phone calls. My question is this: In my situation my girlfriend is going through a difficult time. She's grieveing over the death of her grandmother. Her grandmother passed away about 4 weeks ago. Would it be ok to bend the rules by calling once everyday seeing as how she needs emotional support right now? The last time I tried waiting 1-2 days she left another voice message before 1 day had even passed saying she was frustrated that I didn't return her call yet. Or do these rules apply regardless of the situation your girlfriend is in? What if she's in the hospital or any other crisis situation??
target-d Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 So is it necessary to have a forgiving spirit in order to be in a relationship? only if you want to STAY in a relationship. Unless you're perfect (and from your post, Jesus, you ain't) sometime in the future you're going to need forgiveness - if you've never given, you won't get. But on the other hand, maybe that's exactly what you want. A good reason to end a relationship. In that case, keep on truckin
Groovy Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Some actions are unforgiveable but you should try to accept them. I could never forgive being struck by a man, raped, abandoned by my mother, etc. But anger only hurts the well being of our soul. I used to be an unforgiving person for all I went through but realized all I hurt was me. To me, fogiving is saying it's OK. Sometimes it's not OK what someone else does to us but we need to come to terms with it so we can live a life of peace. It's good you can admit you have prejudisms. I think we all do, though some more than others. I am sorry your family says you are ugly inside....whatever happened to unconditional love? Just curious how old you are? Forgiving and acceptance come easier with age.
Author starlight2025 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Posted April 6, 2006 Some actions are unforgiveable but you should try to accept them. I could never forgive being struck by a man, raped, abandoned by my mother, etc. But anger only hurts the well being of our soul. I used to be an unforgiving person for all I went through but realized all I hurt was me. To me, fogiving is saying it's OK. Sometimes it's not OK what someone else does to us but we need to come to terms with it so we can live a life of peace. It's good you can admit you have prejudisms. I think we all do, though some more than others. I am sorry your family says you are ugly inside....whatever happened to unconditional love? Just curious how old you are? Forgiving and acceptance come easier with age. I'm in my mid 20s. I think my emotional maturity level stopped when my brother died when I was 16. I've been told that I'm mature intelligently and physically for my age but emotional maturity is the one thing I lack.
CaliGuy Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Hey caliguy I read your guide to being a balanced man. In there you said that balanced guys call their girlfriends no more than once or twice a week. You also stated that balanced guys wait 1-2 days to respond to e-mails or return phone calls. My question is this: In my situation my girlfriend is going through a difficult time. She's grieveing over the death of her grandmother. Her grandmother passed away about 4 weeks ago. Would it be ok to bend the rules by calling once everyday seeing as how she needs emotional support right now? The last time I tried waiting 1-2 days she left another voice message before 1 day had even passed saying she was frustrated that I didn't return her call yet. Or do these rules apply regardless of the situation your girlfriend is in? What if she's in the hospital or any other crisis situation?? Yes, there are exceptions to every rule. In cases of a crises, yes call her more often to check in.
BeFree Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Hey caliguy I read your guide to being a balanced man. In there you said that balanced guys call their girlfriends no more than once or twice a week. You also stated that balanced guys wait 1-2 days to respond to e-mails or return phone calls. My question is this: In my situation my girlfriend is going through a difficult time. She's grieveing over the death of her grandmother. Her grandmother passed away about 4 weeks ago. Would it be ok to bend the rules by calling once everyday seeing as how she needs emotional support right now? The last time I tried waiting 1-2 days she left another voice message before 1 day had even passed saying she was frustrated that I didn't return her call yet. Or do these rules apply regardless of the situation your girlfriend is in? What if she's in the hospital or any other crisis situation?? So you want to dump your fiance at the altar while she is grieving and you want to know if you should forgive????? Interesting. Also, if someone is your girlfriend and they call you, you need to call them back. There are no rules!
Groovy Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I'm in my mid 20s. I think my emotional maturity level stopped when my brother died when I was 16. I've been told that I'm mature intelligently and physically for my age but emotional maturity is the one thing I lack. We all have things that hinder growth. I've met some who had it easy and other's I can't believe what they have had to go through. But we all must come to terms with it to love ourselves. The age of 16 my brother was handed a 10 year sentence for murder at the age of 15 and my family was falling apart. I thought I would be the one dead at times. It made me grow more than stunted me though. You are 20, still young and maturity can happen at any age. And no one is ugly inside! It just sounds like you have things to work out. I disagree that forgiveness is related to job status, education or intellect. I come from a family of overacheivers and my parents are millionaires both with a PHd. I don't say it to brag but simply point out they are not sticks in the mud when it comes to looking past mistakes. Nor is my sister who is a doctor from Yale. I also have some grad school and am doing well and can forgive people a lot. Some people say I forgive others too much. But it's a balancing act we must follow. We don't want to let people wrong us but we also need to understand no one is perfect and we need to forgive mistakes if we have any sucessful relationships. And like I said, if you can't forgive than accept things and move on. Grudges are never healthy. Sorry, that was long...lol...
Groovy Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I tried to the edit the below but it won't work:mad: ... I didn't see the part of leaving her at the altar. OMG!
BeFree Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I tried to the edit the below but it won't work:mad: ... I didn't see the part of leaving her at the altar. OMG! That was from his last thread.
Guest Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Ever check yourself against symptoms of psychopathy? Between the 'Satanism' and the unforgiving, etc etc. you're not painting a very appealing picture of yourself.
CaliGuy Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 So you want to dump your fiance at the altar while she is grieving and you want to know if you should forgive????? Interesting. Also, if someone is your girlfriend and they call you, you need to call them back. There are no rules! I didn't read that he was saying that.
Citizen Erased Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I didn't read that he was saying that. Didn't you know? He is a satan worshipping Hells Angel apparently who wants to dump his fiance at the altar because she said 'im marrying someone who can't make a bed yet' so that makes her a bad person. Yep, this OP is a great read.
Groovy Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Yeah, I'm caught up on the threads now. That is one confused fuc_er. I think I'll say a prayer for him tonight before I go to bed;)
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