garnet Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I posted a few days ago about my ex, who had been contacting me and flirting with me, and then I found out that he had been back with his ex-girlfriend the whole time (who I know from our mutual friend he is not even that into), so I emailed him to tell him to tell him to leave me alone. Today, he emailed me back. He admitted that he had been coming on to me really strongly on at our friend's party recently, and apologized for crossing the line. As far as the "happy valentine's day" text message, he said "oh, please, I was just being thoughtful." Regarding his ex, who is much younger than me (I'm 35 and he's 28, his ex is 24) he said "I am seeing her. You are in a different space than I am, and she is younger and it isn't super-serious. I did not intend to hide this from you. You're a woman with a different set of needs and you demand a much higher level of commitment and I understand that. I appreciate that. I wish I was there, but in being HONEST with myself, I'm not. I wouldn't be able to give you all that you need from a man right now. I really have a big space in my heart for you and my meager experience has taught me that a relationship between us would be unbalanced, and you don't need my restlessness/immaturity right now. "I guess I'll see you next lifetime..."(that's a song by Eryka Badu) He said he is deeply sad that we can't be together right now but that he wants us to continue to be friends. Believe me, I'm not holding out hope that he'll come around, but I just don't think I can be his friend now - or ever. If anyone has any advice on how I should handle this, I'd appreciate it. In the meantime, my heart is absolutely broken over the thought of his being in someone else's arms. He told my friend he doesn't even think she's the one, but yet he's with her anyway. It seems like it's just so easy for him, and it's not fair!
CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 If I've said this once, I've said it a million times. "You can not be friends with someone you are in love with." It will only keep you down and unavailable for someone better for you to come into your life.
Author garnet Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 Cali Guy, I know I can't be his friend. I guess what I'm getting at is, do some guys want to be with a girl they know isn't the one just because it's easy? Is it because they can have sex without having to really commit, is it about feeling in control? I don't get it.
Pyro Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Cali Guy, I know I can't be his friend. I guess what I'm getting at is, do some guys want to be with a girl they know isn't the one just because it's easy? Is it because they can have sex without having to really commit, is it about feeling in control? I don't get it. Yes. Some guys are in it for themselves and themselves only. They do this because the sex is convenient for them and they know that they don't have to try all that much to get it. My advice is to resist your ex and any other guy who acts this way.
CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Cali Guy, I know I can't be his friend. I guess what I'm getting at is, do some guys want to be with a girl they know isn't the one just because it's easy? Is it because they can have sex without having to really commit, is it about feeling in control? I don't get it. He's the wrong guy for you. Heck, my ex was the wrong woman for me, I know that. I didn't want to accept it back then, but I know it's true. I know about every guy she has been with she's had problems with. She's dysfunctional. But if I had continued to hang on waiting for her, trying to be friends with her, I would not have healed or progressed in growing as a person. Hanging on to an ex is akin to beating your head against the wall. They both accomplish the same thing. You're battered and bruised and none of it makes sense. Let him go. Find someone who will love you for who you are. Focus on your healing and personal improvements. Life is good when you finally let go of the past and live for today and the future.
Noos Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 He's being a weasel. He's getting sex without commitment from the younger girl. If he's willing to take the risk of doing that and losing you, he's not the guy for you. Tell him not to contact you anymore and start afresh.
Author garnet Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 thanks, it helps. I'm too close to the situation to really see it right now. I want to believe the best about people, but unfortunately there are some jerks out there, and I think this one really pulled one over on me. I guess it's time to switch over to the "coping" column...
Noos Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Well, as my brother-in-law would say - never underestimate the power of the pork sword.... I know that's a terrible saying...
Author garnet Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 okay, just one more question requiring someone's brutal honesty...would a guy really turn down a great relationship (we seemed to connect perfectly on every single level) simply because he's "not ready to really commit to someone." Or is that just an excuse? Also considering that he's only 28 and I'm 35, which I guess could be scary for the guy. thanks
Noos Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Yes, because he thinks that you'll put your life on hold until he's ready. That's why he made contact with you, to make sure that you, as a fish, are still on the hook, interested and waiting for him. He's an egotistical manipulator. get rid of him.
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