chadsconfuzed Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I don't know if this situation shows up here much, but it looks a little different from what I've seen on the front page at least. The other day a close female friend of mine was at my apartment, helping me to clean up and pack to move. Now, as long as we've known each other, (a few months now), we've always enjoyed each other's company, and flirting has occurred, usually when surround by groups of friends. This time however, she took it further, as we were alone and it got quite physical, she by now knowing exactly the right buttons to push, and pushing them all. I however refused to reciprocate, because I knew there was more on the line than immediate physical gratification. See, here's where it gets complicated: her current fiance is one of my best friends. I promised her at the time that I would keep the whole incident a secret, but its been weighing on my conscience ever since. Do I keep my promise to her, one of my closest friends, by keeping the secret, or do I tell him, another of my best friends what went on? There's more too, see he knows she's been unfaithful before, and he's the jealous type, and a worrier. They originally got together when she was engaged to someone else, an abusive relationship that he helped her out of. Since then he knows she's had another affair, and they were seperated for a while, but as I said, they are back together and engaged. So he knows she's capable of straying, but he thus far has had no problem with her flirtations with me, in fact on several occasions he laughed and practically encouraged it, saying that he trusts me too much to care . . . I think thats everything relevant . . . oh, I don't know if it makes much difference here, but when I mentioned I was moving I left something out. They are two of the four others who will be sharing the house I move into. What can you suggest?
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Chad, this is a no-brainer. You tell your bestfriend. He is YOUR BESTFRIEND ans has been for a while? And you've only known her for a short period of time...I think your loyalities should be with him, not her. And most of all, DO NOT SPEND ANY TIME ALONE with her! She cannot be trusted! She is engaged and still making plays for other men - meaning you! How cruel is that? No wonder your bestfriend is concerned and worried - She isn't really that into him! He trusts you, enough that you'll never allow the flirting to cross the line. So don't ever let it happen because if you do, you lose your bestfriend! Is she worth it? Think about it and what it all means...Afew minutes of hot passion make-out sessions or sex OR a bestfriend for life...
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Chad, what you did was admirable. As for your question, think of it this way: would YOU want to know from your bestfriend? Then, think about this: do you think that their marriage is going to survive her infidelities? - You know that she won't stop! She will continue to do this with total disregard for her husband - who is your dear friend! Would you want that kind of pain upon him? If you are still in doubt about telling your friend after answering the above questions, then ask yourself this question: are you going to be "man" enough to kick yourself in the butt when your bestfriend files for divorce?
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Chad, What you did was admirable! As to your question, think of it this way: would YOU want to know if your fiance was messing with your best friend? This is a woman that your best friend is about to marry - for life! Do you really think that their marriage is going to survive her infidelities? You know that she won't stop! Would you rather that he finds out from her? Best of luck. I hope you do the right thing... for your friend and your conscience. But be very cautious when you do tell him. he will very likely not believe you and get all defensive and nasty - because he loves her. So when you tell him - be sure that you tell him the incident as it happened without any opinion of yours. Do not tell him to call of the wedding - that is HIS call. (He may still want to marry her after this so be prepared for that as well.)
Author chadsconfuzed Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 Well, thanks for the advice, I guess I know what I have to do. Telling my friend about this will probably prove even harder than turning down his fiance, but at least I'm more confident that its the right choice.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Good for you! Again, I do admire you for turning down his fiance. Just out of curiosity... would you have done "it" if she were prettier?
Sami_D Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 WOW... tough decision. Do you think he'll believe you? She may lie about what happened and try to put the blame on you, saying you came on to her, etc. People like that can be SO great at lying and getting round people. I'd be very careful the way you go about telling him.
THX2000 Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Well, thanks for the advice, I guess I know what I have to do. Telling my friend about this will probably prove even harder than turning down his fiance, but at least I'm more confident that its the right choice. Been thorugh the same thing my man and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It ended up ruining my friendship with the guy - he believed me but decided to try and keep things going with her. I couldn't deal with that so I said goodbye. You know it's the right thing to do. What kind of person tries to have sex with their fiance's best friend? That's truly twisted.
Guest Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Finace meaning future partner, lover you currently share thoughts, friend or foe? I must regard heresay, for example, a penny for your thoughts. i.e. penny loafers, floorshine, i.e. [a dancer's perspective] OR look this way and dance with me, watch your step, don't step on me, or look down enough and say to yourself, I can see myself! Enough not to be disregarded or disrespectful, but how many of us look up and miss out on what is truly there. I miss looking up or out before I look down. Isn't this what I hear rather too see?
Author chadsconfuzed Posted April 6, 2006 Author Posted April 6, 2006 Just out of curiosity... would you have done "it" if she were prettier? I don't think it would really be a factor for me in this kind of situation. She's certainly not an unattractive girl, and she was really pouring it on. It took a considerable amount of willpower to put a stop to it as it was, but honestly I was more concerned with the fact that I knew the scenario was wrong. Yeah, I know I've got to be careful how I go about breaking this to him. I haven't really had a chance to talk to him one on one as of yet, but I'm sure I'll think of something. As an interesting side note, something happenned last night that shed a moment of doubt on the situation. They have actually set me up with one of her friends, and last night we were on a double date, (my first date with this girl, if that makes a difference), and at one point the girls went off for a few minutes on their own, and when they came back they were kind of laughing and I got an odd look from both of them. A little later I asked her (the girl this thread was about) what had been said, and she told me she repeated something that had been said when were alone together, which she had interpreted as quite a compliment to my . . . physical prowess. She also joked about that day several times, giving nothing specific, but right in front of her fiance. Now I'm even more confused, this wouldn't change your opinions, would it?
lovernotafighter Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 chad I think this girl sounds incredibly immature and generally I probably would have said for you not to tell your friend just because perhaps it was a moment of weakness on her part and we are all human, and if she could honestly keep her mouth shut. but it appears by what you have described that this girl has issues and needs to grow up. her personality sounds severely flawed. therefore I would tell your friend before she lets him know (as she already began to) in some destructive and disrespectful manner. do what you know you need to..and if it's the trust factor,because you promised her to keep it secret..I would call her and tell her you intent immediately before you tell him..or with both of them at the same time.
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