Author CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 I will say you are overanalyzing and making a big deal about nothing. You haven't even met her for christ sakes, just go out with her and see how things go. You have nothing to lose man. You're right. I haven't met her. And have no connection to her whatsoever, either I do believe flaking on a date the last minute is a type of personality characteristic I don't want to deal with. The GREAT part about this is I don't have to and won't lose any sleep over it I agree it's good to have morals/boundaries, but you can't always live by those rules. Sometimes you have to let things slide and be a little flexible. So, just tell her to call you when she finds some free time to hang out. Make her feel at ease and not pressured to meet your demands. But I *am* being flexible. If she really wants to meet me she'll suggest a time/date. It's on her because she is the one who flaked.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 Is 23 ever out of any guy's age range? Depends 23 physically, 30+ mentally, no. 23 physically, 16 mentally, oh hell yeah. (my ex fit this description perfectly)
RecordProducer Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 I simply will not put up with anymore and are huge red flags to me. Huge red flags? Wow! If I met a guy who's thinking like you, it would be a huge red flag to me. I can imagine your reaction if a woman does something worse. The thing is you will reject the good girls with your initial filtering and end up with the worst junk. I agree with the few posters above; Oneofthesedays put it very well. And yes, if you are interested, you will call her, just like you think she should call you. If you don't have each other's phone numbers then how did she tell you that she wouldn't make it on that day? The "correct" answer would've been: "OK, my dear, whenever you want to go out, please give me a call and hopefully we can meet." It absolutely wouldn't mean that you're a doormat and sitting and waiting for her call. Acting like you would do anything for a woman only adds to the confidence, believe it or not!
Author CaliGuy Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Huge red flags? Wow! If I met a guy who's thinking like you, it would be a huge red flag to me. I can imagine your reaction if a woman does something worse. The thing is you will reject the good girls with your initial filtering and end up with the worst junk. Let's just agree that what we both find tolerable or unacceptable behavior during the initial dating process is simply different. Nothing wrong with that. I'm not holding you to my dating standards so please don't hold me to yours. I agree with the few posters above; Oneofthesedays put it very well. And yes, if you are interested, you will call her, just like you think she should call you. If you don't have each other's phone numbers then how did she tell you that she wouldn't make it on that day? The "correct" answer would've been: "OK, my dear, whenever you want to go out, please give me a call and hopefully we can meet." It absolutely wouldn't mean that you're a doormat and sitting and waiting for her call. Well I wouldn't call her 'dear', that's for sure And I'm not 'demanding or pressuring' her. I would be if I had 'pestered' her to reschedule though. I'm not losing any sleep over this, you know. If she's interested enough in meeting me then she'll drop me an email. I'm not waiting around for it to happen. I barely know her at all at this point and given her flakiness, she's down to the bottom of the line. People who respect my time and who aren't flakey are the ones who will be getting my attention. Acting like you would do anything for a woman only adds to the confidence, believe it or not! On the contrary, acting like you'd do anything for a woman, especially one you just met is a sure fire way to kill attraction in any relationship. Nothing says 'I'm a wuss' or 'I lack confidence and self-esteem' like someone who would kiss the ass of a woman he just met. That's classic 'doormat' behavior.
blind_otter Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 First girl was upset that you didn't respond/weren't interested in her so she tried to justify in her own mind that she didn't like you by trying to find something wrong with your profile. Makes her feel good about herself, kind of like "well I didn't want him anyway..." Which leads me to related question - I'm on a dating/networking site (not exclusively for dating, but more for networking with friends etc) and occasionally if I see an attractive girl I'll send her a message saying how I like her pics, or she has a nice smile or something. Half of the girls don't even respond - would it kill them to say thank you? I mean if they aren't interested that's fine, but my messages are very tasteful and it only takes 2 seconds to reply with "thanks :)" I make sure to atleast do that if someone gives me a compliment, even if I have no interest in them at all. IF you get like 50 messages a day saying the same thing, you start to just delete the messages. I did that when I was doing online dating and guys would see I deleted without responding and would bitch at me about it. And I deleted those messages too.
starlight2025 Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 I don't think it was rude of caliguy at all to not respond to the first woman who e-mailed him. I don't respond to everyone who initiates contact with me on these dating sites. It's my perogative to respond or not. It's not rude. If a woman doesn't respond to my e-mail on those sites I don't take it personal. She has just as much of a right to ignore my message as I have to ignore hers.
Sand&Water Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 23 physically, 30+ mentally, no. 23 physically, 16 mentally, oh hell yeah. (my ex fit this description perfectly) I'm not losing any sleep over this, you know. If she's interested enough in meeting me then she'll drop me an email. I'm not waiting around for it to happen. I barely know her at all at this point and given her flakiness, she's down to the bottom of the line. People who respect my time and who aren't flakey are the ones who will be getting my attention. Are you trying to suggest that these two quotes are somehow linked? Really though, good luck trying to find a 30 year old with a 16 mentality, those are sure fire easy to come by. (95% of population is infected with 16yr olds) Good to see that you've marked your territory. You don't seem to appear clingy in this situation. I say, just let her be,and when she's interested she'll call you... that's if she respects your time and isn't a 40 year old woman stuck in a 16's body and vice versa.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Are you trying to suggest that these two quotes are somehow linked? Really though, good luck trying to find a 30 year old with a 16 mentality, those are sure fire easy to come by. (95% of population is infected with 16yr olds) No, what I am saying is mental age and physical age don't always correlate. Good to see that you've marked your territory. You don't seem to appear clingy in this situation. I say, just let her be,and when she's interested she'll call you... that's if she respects your time and isn't a 40 year old woman stuck in a 16's body and vice versa. Thanks. That's all I am doing here, really. Not wasting each other's time.
RecordProducer Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 I'm not holding you to my dating standards so please don't hold me to yours. I am just trying to help, cuz you seem really cute and smart. I'm not losing any sleep over this, you know. If she's interested enough in meeting me then she'll drop me an email. Well this is about who's gonna swallow the pride FIRST. You expect her to make the first move. Why not you? Just to show her that you're not insecure? This is exactly showing how insecure you are! On the contrary, acting like you'd do anything for a woman, especially one you just met is a sure fire way to kill attraction in any relationship. Nothing says 'I'm a wuss' or 'I lack confidence and self-esteem' like someone who would kiss the ass of a woman he just met. Well that's YOUR opinion, but you're a guy. Why don't you listen to all the women here and believe that we know how women think a little more than you do? I'm assuring you that a guy who would be tolerant about me re-scheduling dates would be a big turn-on for me. Moreover, he would show me that he doesn't really care about meeting me as soon as possible cuz he's busy enough meeting other women. I'd actually hurry up to set up the new date and not lose him if I really like him. I would definitely expect from a real man to write me an email and ask me if we can schedule a new date. And I would cancel the first meeting if I look like crap or am very tired on that day. Maybe she got her period and her stomach and head are killing her. Sorry, but you're very stubborn and inflexible. You also prejudged her on a basis of information you never obtained. That's classic 'doormat' behavior. And you want a woman who's a doormat this time. I got it! Half of the girls don't even respond - would it kill them to say thank you? I mean if they aren't interested that's fine, but my messages are very tasteful and it only takes 2 seconds to reply with "thanks :)" I make sure to atleast do that if someone gives me a compliment, even if I have no interest in them at all. I agree this is not kind, but let me explain why I used to ignore many messages: because after the "thank you" they start sending other emails and at some point you just have to ditch them so it's better to do it at the very beginning before you make it seem like you're disappointed in their personality. All the guys I wrote "thanks" to emailed me again. And I find it stupid to write" Thanks, but I am not interested" if someone only writes you that they find you attractive. It's kinda like you answer something that they didn't ask you.
SmoochieFace Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 I'm assuring you that a guy who would be tolerant about me re-scheduling dates would be a big turn-on for me. Well, that may apply to you but not necessarily to women in general. Your stance seems to be an exception. Most women would think that any guy who immediately kowtows to them IS a doormat. CaliGuy has his standards for what he wants in a woman and he shouldn't have to change them just for the sake of running into an *exception*. He knows what he wants.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 I am just trying to help, cuz you seem really cute and smart. Thank you Well this is about who's gonna swallow the pride FIRST. You expect her to make the first move. Why not you? Because she flaked and canceled at the last minute. Not me. I was dressed and ready to go. Since she broke the date it's on her to reschedule. Just to show her that you're not insecure? This is exactly showing how insecure you are! This statement is irrational and I can't explain it any other way than I am secure and confident in myself that I don't feel the need to chase someone down who flaked on me. They just aren't worth my time. Well that's YOUR opinion, but you're a guy. Why don't you listen to all the women here and believe that we know how women think a little more than you do? The women here think I am right, except for you and one other. I'm assuring you that a guy who would be tolerant about me re-scheduling dates would be a big turn-on for me. Moreover, he would show me that he doesn't really care about meeting me as soon as possible cuz he's busy enough meeting other women. I'd actually hurry up to set up the new date and not lose him if I really like him. Key word: "Me" That's what you would like, but what about what I want? I would definitely expect from a real man to write me an email and ask me if we can schedule a new date. And I would cancel the first meeting if I look like crap or am very tired on that day. Maybe she got her period and her stomach and head are killing her. Sorry, but you're very stubborn and inflexible. You also prejudged her on a basis of information you never obtained. I think you're reaching here. This is a woman I barely know. She flaked on a date so to me the ball is in her court. If she wants to see me she should be the one rescheduling. I'm not stubborn. I have boundaries and she crossed on that I have a hard time with. Flakey people. And you want a woman who's a doormat this time. I got it! Nah, I just don't like women who flake
Author CaliGuy Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Well, that may apply to you but not necessarily to women in general. Your stance seems to be an exception. Most women would think that any guy who immediately kowtows to them IS a doormat. CaliGuy has his standards for what he wants in a woman and he shouldn't have to change them just for the sake of running into an *exception*. He knows what he wants. Bingo! Smooch to you, Smoochieface.
SmoochieFace Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 Bingo! Smooch to you, Smoochieface. *wiping furiously* Thanks but... sorry, I don't accept smooches from guys. Yuck!
RecordProducer Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 CaliGuy, please note that Smoochie is a guy who NEVER ever approaches any women so watch out who gives you advice!
SmoochieFace Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 CaliGuy, please note that Smoochie is a guy who NEVER ever approaches any women so watch out who gives you advice! But a guy is still a guy nevertheless - regardless of the *approaching thingy* - and most of us think alike.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Haha, sorry. Thought you were female
Lishy Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 Personally I think Cali should get himself off of the dating site and go and meet girls face to face! Dating sites are useless! For every success story there are 1000 drama's and disappointments!
SmoochieFace Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 Haha, sorry. Thought you were female No problem. It's all good.
SmoochieFace Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 ...... I was wondering when you would check in with your trademark ":lmao: ......"
Sand&Water Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 But a guy is still a guy nevertheless... and most of us think alike. Right, Smoochieface. And most women are alike.
Lishy Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 Haha, sorry. Thought you were female :lmao: Say nothing Lish, say nothing!!!!! :lmao:
SmoochieFace Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 Right, Smoochieface. And most women are alike. YES! Thank god my GF is a *real female*... I sure as s*** wouldn't want her to have any *masculine* traits.
Art_Critic Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 What is a 'real' female Smooch? Jus curious! One with no teeth, mute , flat head and pistol grip ears
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