alphamale Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 See, she's already given me a bad gut feel. Too hesitant, canceling at the last minute. Not a good sign. very very bad sign Actually the more I think about it, I probably won't get back to her excellent idea! trust me, if she's interested she will call you.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Popular culture can be blamed for this misunderstanding. On the *nice guy* side, we have all those sappy, mushy, luvvy-duvvy romantic songs and *chick flicks*. On the *bad boy* side, we have all those *tough* movies and heavy metal/hard rock songs. Seems like guys are bombarded with the extremes... how many songs, movies, shows, etc. depict a *balanced* way? Actually it does much deeper than that. This is going to sound wrong no matter how I out it and I don't mean this as an insult so I hope I don't get lynched here. That said, single mothers contribute to the 'nice guy' syndrome more than anything. (Next would be overbearing fathers). Without a male influence in their life they are not taught that it's OK to be masculine and a man. Overbearing fathers create hate that little boys associate with being masculine. They associate men with being "jerks" so they swing to the opposite end of the spectrum. Trust me on this one. I've burned many a midnight oil figuring out what went wrong in my life (and the lives of nice guys) and this is what it boiled down to. And yes, I was raised by a single mother who taught me "fairy tales" as to what women want and never taught me that it was OK for me to be masculine.
alphamale Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 And yes, I was raised by a single mother who taught me "fairy tales" as to what women want and never taught me that it was OK for me to be masculine. you better forget all that crap your mom (bless her soul) fed you when you were growing up. and the faster the better.
2sunny Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 CG- I think when the right gal comes along you will have a different attitude about your current approach. You just have not yet met the right gal. Keep your mind and heart open and it will happen when you don't even see it coming...
SmoochieFace Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 And yes, I was raised by a single mother who taught me "fairy tales" as to what women want and never taught me that it was OK for me to be masculine. This is the way I see it: any male who lives his life based on *fairy tales* is a *fairy* himself. Not gonna find any rugged masculinity in those...
Author CaliGuy Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 very very bad sign Definitely a character issue. excellent idea! trust me, if she's interested she will call you. She can't. I never gave her my number
Author CaliGuy Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 you better forget all that crap your mom (bless her soul) fed you when you were growing up. and the faster the better. She had perfectly good intentions, I realize that. It wasn't like she taught me those things because she was trying to screw me up. She had no idea how that would pan out later in life. And yes, I've been reprogramming myself over the past 5 months or so. 2Sunny, I'm probably in the "vigilant" mode right now. By that I mean my senses are on overdrive for the warning signs I had been ignorning in the past. It's basically a training program for me. I'm sure after I get the hang of it I'll relax a bit.
Noos Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 This "late cancellation" of a date with an online person has happened to me before. Apparently, it's quite common and is called a "fade out." He contacted me, he wanted to meet me, sent me 12 emails over the course of 5 weeks and so I cleared my Saturday afternoon when I did have another social engagement. He leaves a message on my telephone on Friday night to say he can't make it and I never hear from him again. While I was annoyed, it's hard to get upset about rejection from someone you haven't met in person. I would write her off Cali. I wonder why they pursue you and then when you agree to meet them they get cold feet. Does anyone know why a guy would do that? Is it guys who are only capable of Internet communication rather than real life communication or is it like fishing, you get one on the hook and you just get satisfaction from that?
Author CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 This "late cancellation" of a date with an online person has happened to me before. Apparently, it's quite common and is called a "fade out." He contacted me, he wanted to meet me, sent me 12 emails over the course of 5 weeks and so I cleared my Saturday afternoon when I did have another social engagement. He leaves a message on my telephone on Friday night to say he can't make it and I never hear from him again. While I was annoyed, it's hard to get upset about rejection from someone you haven't met in person. I would write her off Cali. I wonder why they pursue you and then when you agree to meet them they get cold feet. Does anyone know why a guy would do that? Is it guys who are only capable of Internet communication rather than real life communication or is it like fishing, you get one on the hook and you just get satisfaction from that? I think they just lack confidence. I mean if she had it, she wouldn't have been so resistant to meeting me 1/2 way. Then after we agree to meet she cancels last minute. She won't be receiving any emails from me, no worries there. I don't feel rejected as much as I feel my time was wasted.
Mary3 Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 This "late cancellation" of a date with an online person has happened to me before. Apparently, it's quite common and is called a "fade out." He contacted me, he wanted to meet me, sent me 12 emails over the course of 5 weeks and so I cleared my Saturday afternoon when I did have another social engagement. He leaves a message on my telephone on Friday night to say he can't make it and I never hear from him again. While I was annoyed, it's hard to get upset about rejection from someone you haven't met in person. I would write her off Cali. I wonder why they pursue you and then when you agree to meet them they get cold feet. Does anyone know why a guy would do that? Is it guys who are only capable of Internet communication rather than real life communication or is it like fishing, you get one on the hook and you just get satisfaction from that? Its called * flaking out * so here's my rule of thumb on Internet Dating . About 2 hours before you jump in the shower call your date to confirm. When your date confirms ( still no gaurantees on a first time meet ) you get ready and go to the spot. Have plan B ready in case they are going to be very late or not even show up at all. If you get flaked on , make sure you are a little hungry so you can go see a movie and enjoy the popcorn ! LOL
Mary3 Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 It didn't happen. She left me a message that her meeting was running late but that she wanted to reschedule. I replied back this morning (got the message about an hour before we were supposed to meet) something to the effect of "Ok. Not sure what my schedule is but I'll get back to her." See, she's already given me a bad gut feel. Too hesitant, canceling at the last minute. Not a good sign. Actually the more I think about it, I probably won't get back to her Very bad sign indeed. Maybe she didn't want to meet for many reasons . Maybe she is 350 lbs...Or married . Could be anything. How long have you been in contact with her including emails, phone ect ?
Mary3 Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Actually it does much deeper than that. This is going to sound wrong no matter how I out it and I don't mean this as an insult so I hope I don't get lynched here. That said, single mothers contribute to the 'nice guy' syndrome more than anything. (Next would be overbearing fathers). Without a male influence in their life they are not taught that it's OK to be masculine and a man. Overbearing fathers create hate that little boys associate with being masculine. They associate men with being "jerks" so they swing to the opposite end of the spectrum. Trust me on this one. I've burned many a midnight oil figuring out what went wrong in my life (and the lives of nice guys) and this is what it boiled down to. And yes, I was raised by a single mother who taught me "fairy tales" as to what women want and never taught me that it was OK for me to be masculine. This is actually really pretty easy to figure us out. Think of your treasured Car . Lets assume you really care about your car and right now its outside all clean and shiny ( mine needs a wash, lol ) You always take care of it right ? You do all the maintenance and oil changes ( I mean you get it taken care of not necessarily do it yourself ) But the point is : You cherish your car ( as an example , you might cherish your snow board even more ) But you TAKE care of your car and thats how women like to be treated. Give us a Bath ! Feed us ! ( okay joking aside ) I think you * get it * right ? If you wonder if we liked to be ignored and neglected ...then think of your car. Does your car do well with no gas in it ? How would it do if you never added oil to the engine. ? ( Trying to make this easy for car enthusiasts to understand ) hehe... Just take care of us right and you will see top performance ~
Author CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 This is actually really pretty easy to figure us out. Think of your treasured Car . Lets assume you really care about your car and right now its outside all clean and shiny ( mine needs a wash, lol ) You always take care of it right ? You do all the maintenance and oil changes ( I mean you get it taken care of not necessarily do it yourself ) But the point is : You cherish your car ( as an example , you might cherish your snow board even more ) But you TAKE care of your car and thats how women like to be treated. Give us a Bath ! Feed us ! ( okay joking aside ) I think you * get it * right ? If you wonder if we liked to be ignored and neglected ...then think of your car. Does your car do well with no gas in it ? How would it do if you never added oil to the engine. ? ( Trying to make this easy for car enthusiasts to understand ) hehe... Just take care of us right and you will see top performance ~ The only problem I see with that analogy is if you baby/spoil your car, everything else in your life will suffer in the process. Especially your internal (mental) happiness. You've got to be a well rounded, confident, happy, secure guy who makes his needs important or it won't matter how much time you spend on that car. You'll still end up losing it. Balance, balance, balance
Author CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 Very bad sign indeed. Maybe she didn't want to meet for many reasons . Maybe she is 350 lbs...Or married . Could be anything. How long have you been in contact with her including emails, phone ect ? She emailed me today. I guess I should go read it, eh?
FataMorgana Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 She emailed me today. I guess I should go read it, eh? so what did she say?....says nosy me...can't let us hanging in suspense now, can you ?
Author CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 so what did she say?....says nosy me...can't let us hanging in suspense now, can you ? Something to the effect she was selling a house, it ran ot and that she 'hoped' we could reschedule.
RecordProducer Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 You promised to call her and now you won't keep your word. So who's unreliable here? She had a reason to postpone the randez-vous, but your reason is over-analyzing. Sorry, but it's a trait that - possessed by a male - makes me sick to the stomach. Please keep in mind that I am not trying to criticize you cuz I am having a bad day; I think you have the potential to be the right guy for any girl, but you're screwing your chances up with detail-oriented analysis. A guy with enough testosterone in his balls would put more effort to get some!
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 A guy with enough testosterone in his balls would put more effort to get some! I agree with RP on this one CG.. By the way.. you are the one that recites that nothing would stop an ex from getting in contact with someone if they wanted them back.. Well the same goes with dating.. any guy that wants to date a girl will put in the effort needed.. I think you are cutting your nose off in spite of your face..
Mary3 Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 The only problem I see with that analogy is if you baby/spoil your car, everything else in your life will suffer in the process. Especially your internal (mental) happiness. You've got to be a well rounded, confident, happy, secure guy who makes his needs important or it won't matter how much time you spend on that car. You'll still end up losing it. Balance, balance, balance Look back at anything you take care of and what end result do you have ? The simplicity of this is staring at you right in the face. Yes there is balance . But there is also compromise and giving just a little extra of yourself. Not so you feel that its not 50 / 50 . It may not always balance out on a typical day. Say she is in bed sick and you are taking care of her because you love her. That day will be 90/10 where she needs you and you give because you love her. Do you see what I am saying. ? Everything varies just like the weather. Life changes day by day. You could have a tragedy in your family and you need her there for you. That day SHE is going to give and its not going to be so balanced. As long as in the overall picture things are balanced. But it can't be a strict rule of miles or degrees. Its called human function and we all have good days and bad.
oneofthesedays Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 I will say you are overanalyzing and making a big deal about nothing. You haven't even met her for christ sakes, just go out with her and see how things go. You have nothing to lose man. I agree it's good to have morals/boundaries, but you can't always live by those rules. Sometimes you have to let things slide and be a little flexible. So, just tell her to call you when she finds some free time to hang out. Make her feel at ease and not pressured to meet your demands.
ms_jnj Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 I like your attitude Ah if it was only that easy.....23 is not out of my range. Is 23 ever out of any guy's age range?
SmoochieFace Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Is 23 ever out of any guy's age range? Yeah, if the girl is dumb.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 You promised to call her and now you won't keep your word. So who's unreliable here? She had a reason to postpone the randez-vous, but your reason is over-analyzing. Sorry, but it's a trait that - possessed by a male - makes me sick to the stomach. Uhh, I did??? When did I do that, seeing as how we never exchanged phone numbers. I don't ever remember promising to call her. A guy with enough testosterone in his balls would put more effort to get some! You assume I am unable to do so at the drop of a dime I'm not looking for a quick lay. Every woman I consider going out with I am evaluating for the long haul. Where you (or others) might see it as me being picky or possessing some weird over-analyzing trait, I see it simply as "lessons learned." I know what I over-looked in the past (behaviors exactly like what is being displayed by her now) that I simply will not put up with anymore and are huge red flags to me.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 I agree with RP on this one CG. So you think like a girl, Art? <-- Notice the smilie, before you get your undies in a wad By the way.. you are the one that recites that nothing would stop an ex from getting in contact with someone if they wanted them back.. Absolutely. Well the same goes with dating.. any guy that wants to date a girl will put in the effort needed.. Apples and oranges, Amigo. I don't KNOW this girl. There's no attachment, nothing tangible. Other than her looks a little bit of information on her. With an Ex there is LOVE, a connection. How in the heck do you correlate strong feelings of love, a deep, intimate relationship with someone you just met off the internet???? Not getting enough sleep, maybe? I think you are cutting your nose off in spite of your face.. I think you're wrong, but ok
Author CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 Look back at anything you take care of and what end result do you have ? The simplicity of this is staring at you right in the face. Yes there is balance . But there is also compromise and giving just a little extra of yourself. Not so you feel that its not 50 / 50 . It may not always balance out on a typical day. Say she is in bed sick and you are taking care of her because you love her. That day will be 90/10 where she needs you and you give because you love her. Do you see what I am saying. ? Everything varies just like the weather. Life changes day by day. You could have a tragedy in your family and you need her there for you. That day SHE is going to give and its not going to be so balanced. As long as in the overall picture things are balanced. But it can't be a strict rule of miles or degrees. Its called human function and we all have good days and bad. Agreed. Even boundaries should be thought of as picket fences. Able to breathe but the boundaries are still clear. Nothing is ever 100/100 every day of the week, this I know
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