Author CaliGuy Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 I would actually turn down a guy who wouldn't indulge my desire to meet me in MY area. And I'm tired of going out of my way for someone. If there is equal interest there should be no problem meeting on neutral ground for coffee I did that with my ex. I went out my way to meet her needs. She never did the same for me. Hard lesson learned
Mary3 Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 #1: "YOU HAD ME WITH THE PHOTO'S UNTIL I READ THAT YOU ARE ALL INTO KID THINGS. I STOPPED THEIR. A WOMAN WANTS A MAN." (Note: Unless hiking, intelligent conversation, Being Spontaneous, snowboarding, traveling, etc are considered 'boy things', I don't have anything that would even remotely be considered 'boyish' on my profile.) I think her response was rude My reply: "I don't remember saying I was interested in you or your opinion of me." Unless its positive you have ABSOLUTE right to respond back in kind to negative remarks She was not attractive in the least bit, BTW, but that doesn't matter. It's the fact that she emailed me once and I never replied that I believe caused her to write the above message. A little bit better grammar would be nice as well. I had one guy who wrote back 3 times ( of which I ignored him because he was not my type ) and then he said " Whats your problem bi*** ? Too good to respond." ? He did this like 3 more times and I finally said " You are very rude and immature. " I do admit I get alot of mail and could not possibly answer every wink and letter and kiss. Its too much. #2: Another lady, who is attractive, starts writing me. I reply back, we get into a conversation, have some things in common. So rather than give her my life story over email I tell her "Let's meet for coffee sometime." I figure it's then I can tell her more about me, etc. She's stand-off-ish and says "Well, if you're ever in my area, let's meet then."I'm the Do-er and would likely meet for coffee after a brief time and some phone calls because just like you I hate wasting my time. I had one guy who wrote long eloquent emails and when I requested the phone[/i after many emails he just dissapeared. Pay attention to your instincts.[/i] Now I'm thinking to myself "If you initiate contact and can't even meet me halfway, I'm not interested." That's a boundary I am putting up. Excellent boundary. I have the exact boundary. If we dont meet within a month then I lose interest.I am not going out of my way to go meet someone when they're not willing to meet me halfway. I don't see that as an unreasonable request, do you? In no way did I indicate I was anxious to meet her, just that I think trying to have a conversation over email is impersonal. Oh PS I think you are very cute and I meet 4 of 4. I forgot if you had a 5th lol !
RecordProducer Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 If there is equal interest there should be no problem meeting on neutral ground for coffee I met my husband online. He met me in MY area. My area was south-east Europe, his area was the East coast of the United States. He also financed everything every time he came to vist (which was 6 times). He is a wonderful husband, he is the alpha male type of man, and I hope I am a good wife too. We want a prince, not a defensive pro-equal-effort-involvement fervent proponent!
2sunny Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 I met my husband online. He met me in MY area. My area was south-east Europe, his area was the East coast of the United States. He also financed everything every time he came to vist (which was 6 times). He is a wonderful husband, he is the alpha male type of man, and I hope I am a good wife too. We want a prince, not a defensive pro-equal-effort-involvement fervent proponent! Ditto! I feel exactly this way as I was raised with the old school... man calls - opens doors - makes the effort, woman appreciates and shows that she does by gestures of cooking, compliments and little things to show appreciation. I think the standoffish nature is keeping some of the good women at bay, IMHO.
starlight2025 Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 It's alright if a guy forgets once or twice a year to open a door for a woman
Author CaliGuy Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 I met my husband online. He met me in MY area. My area was south-east Europe, his area was the East coast of the United States. He also financed everything every time he came to vist (which was 6 times). Understandable, since he was going to Europe anyway He is a wonderful husband, he is the alpha male type of man, and I hope I am a good wife too. Congrats. We want a prince, not a defensive pro-equal-effort-involvement fervent proponent! As somone recovering from 'nice guy' syndrome, I'm learning that in the initial stage of a relationship if someone isn't willing to put much, if anything, into a relationship then I'll move on. A relationship requires effort from both people, not just one sitting around waiting to get her needs met while doing little to nothing in the process. I am very chivalrous once I get to know and care for someone. Especially on dates. Opened the car door and doors of buildings for my ex even to the last day we were together. Not sure where you're going with this other than to try and make me something I'm not
Author CaliGuy Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 Unless its positive you have ABSOLUTE right to respond back in kind to negative remarks I think so too. She had no reason to be rude to me and I'm not going to accept that kind of behavior from anyone. I had one guy who wrote back 3 times ( of which I ignored him because he was not my type ) and then he said " Whats your problem bi*** ? Too good to respond." ? He did this like 3 more times and I finally said " You are very rude and immature. " I do admit I get alot of mail and could not possibly answer every wink and letter and kiss. Its too much. I get a decent amount of mail. If someone is kind to me I usually respond in kind. When they're mean, I make them aware of their behavior I'm the Do-er and would likely meet for coffee after a brief time and some phone calls because just like you I hate wasting my time. I had one guy who wrote long eloquent emails and when I requested the phone[/i after many emails he just dissapeared. Pay attention to your instincts.[/i] That's exactly what I am doing. All my life I haven't listened to my gut feeling. I am now Excellent boundary. I have the exact boundary. If we dont meet within a month then I lose interest. Yep, I'm not one to email for months before I meet someone either! Oh PS I think you are very cute and I meet 4 of 4. I forgot if you had a 5th lol !
RecordProducer Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 Understandable, since he was going to Europe anyway Absolutely not!!! He only flew there to meet me. He didn't go to any other city in Europe before or after meeting me and he was with me 24/7. He does no business in my former city. He has travelled the whole world and really didn't use the occasion to see Europe for the first time. he's been to Europe tens of times before.
blue16 Posted April 8, 2006 Posted April 8, 2006 I get a decent amount of mail. If someone is kind to me I usually respond in kind. When they're mean, I make them aware of their behavior Wasn't her first email kind tho? (the one which you didn't respond to) I agree that her second email was very rude, in addition to being extremely humerous. I love how she types in all caps and misuses THEIR in place of THERE, lol. Your response was very arbitrary and witty, and she deserved it. Assuming her first email was cordial, and you say you respond in kind when someone is kind to you, shouldn't you have atleast replied? "I don't remember saying I was interested in you or your opinion of me." HAHA that is hilarious, I gotta write that one down!
Author CaliGuy Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 Wasn't her first email kind tho? (the one which you didn't respond to) I agree that her second email was very rude, in addition to being extremely humerous. I love how she types in all caps and misuses THEIR in place of THERE, lol. Your response was very arbitrary and witty, and she deserved it. Assuming her first email was cordial, and you say you respond in kind when someone is kind to you, shouldn't you have atleast replied? "I don't remember saying I was interested in you or your opinion of me." HAHA that is hilarious, I gotta write that one down! Her first email was really short and not anything I felt I needed to reply to. I thought rather than saying anything, I'll just ignore it. I mean, I get ignored occasionally as well. I don't take it personal, I just move on. Far, far too many fish in the sea to let one person tick you off
Author CaliGuy Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 Absolutely not!!! He only flew there to meet me. He didn't go to any other city in Europe before or after meeting me and he was with me 24/7. He does no business in my former city. He has travelled the whole world and really didn't use the occasion to see Europe for the first time. he's been to Europe tens of times before. Well congrats, you got a winner Not every guy can afford to fly around the world just to meet a woman though
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Well congrats, you got a winner Not every guy can afford to fly around the world just to meet a woman though Yes, I did. Thanks.
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Oh, I forgot to ask: what was half way anyway? How many miles? Does she live in a big city? Do you?
Author CaliGuy Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 Oh, I forgot to ask: what was half way anyway? How many miles? Does she live in a big city? Do you? She lives about 25 miles away. I didn't think it was a big deal for that We're meeting tomorrow at 1pm - HALFWAY
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 She lives about 25 miles away. I didn't think it was a big deal for that We're meeting tomorrow at 1pm - HALFWAY You didn't want to drive 25 m for a girl? Well if you hook up with her, you'll probably change each time - once she'll visit you, next time you'll visit her, and so on, back and forth... Which makes me think that you were thinking that this might be the first and last time you're meeting her so why make extra effort? Don't tell me you wanted to save 10 bucks on gas! In any case, good luck!
Author CaliGuy Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 You didn't want to drive 25 m for a girl? Well if you hook up with her, you'll probably change each time - once she'll visit you, next time you'll visit her, and so on, back and forth... Which makes me think that you were thinking that this might be the first and last time you're meeting her so why make extra effort? Don't tell me you wanted to save 10 bucks on gas! In any case, good luck! Nah that's not it. haha. It's the first meeting, so I think it's fair to meet halfway. After that we can switch or whatever. I just don't want to get into another cycle of doing all the driving and all the work. 100/100, ya know?
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 If you get into a cycle of NOT doing the things you did ion your previous relationships that didn't work, it will be a huge turn off for your potential soul mates. Every one of us wants to feel like we're the first experience, the biggest passion of our guy and he would go to the moon and back for us. The anti-nice-guy strategy that guys prescribe with such confidence is BS. It's the same as if we women advised young girls to be bitches.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 If you get into a cycle of NOT doing the things you did ion your previous relationships that didn't work, it will be a huge turn off for your potential soul mates. Every one of us wants to feel like we're the first experience, the biggest passion of our guy and he would go to the moon and back for us. The anti-nice-guy strategy that guys prescribe with such confidence is BS. It's the same as if we women advised young girls to be bitches. I hear what you are saying, but in order to break a habit you have to be counter-intuitive sometimes. What you did in the past that caused the repeated (bad) results needs to be broken. It starts with small things and works it's way to the point where you understand what you should or should not be doing. Nice Guy, in the terms I am using it, would be likened to a "doormat." That's not a likeable trait to anyone.
Mary3 Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I guess we will always want to be treated special and feel like we are important to you. That will never change. But getting someone to treat you that special is very hard. All this nice guy / bad guy /wuss guy/ stuff is just confusing the men out there with all the crappy advice they get. Its pretty simple . ( not from a book~ but from a woman ~ Me ) : Treat us nice. Respect us. Pay attention to us. Make love to us alot ! and we will in turn: Respect you Pay attention to you Make love to you alot ! Disrespect us Ignore us Don't make love to us We are gone. Or with some... cheating affairs begin...yup thats how...and why....not speaking for me...but the general populus ...
sazzya1987 Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 #1: "YOU HAD ME WITH THE PHOTO'S UNTIL I READ THAT YOU ARE ALL INTO KID THINGS. I STOPPED THEIR. A WOMAN WANTS A MAN." She wants a boring man who just watch football and sit on his arse doing nothing but drink beer? This woman needs to go out and have fun...unless she likes you but is scared incase you take her to doing all these sports like skiing which she is scared to learn and try out
Author CaliGuy Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 I guess we will always want to be treated special and feel like we are important to you. That will never change. But getting someone to treat you that special is very hard. All this nice guy / bad guy /wuss guy/ stuff is just confusing the men out there with all the crappy advice they get. Its pretty simple . ( not from a book~ but from a woman ~ Me ) : Treat us nice. Respect us. Pay attention to us. Make love to us alot ! and we will in turn: Respect you Pay attention to you Make love to you alot ! Disrespect us Ignore us Don't make love to us We are gone. Or with some... cheating affairs begin...yup thats how...and why....not speaking for me...but the general populus ... That's a bit over-simplified but yeah, I see what you're saying. The problem is men don't understand how to treat women. They end up falling to one side (Nice guy) or the other (Jerk) when the road to happiness (balance) is the road less traveled
Author CaliGuy Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 She wants a boring man who just watch football and sit on his arse doing nothing but drink beer? This woman needs to go out and have fun...unless she likes you but is scared incase you take her to doing all these sports like skiing which she is scared to learn and try out I just think she's psycho
SmoochieFace Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 The problem is men don't understand how to treat women. They end up falling to one side (Nice guy) or the other (Jerk) when the road to happiness (balance) is the road less traveled Popular culture can be blamed for this misunderstanding. On the *nice guy* side, we have all those sappy, mushy, luvvy-duvvy romantic songs and *chick flicks*. On the *bad boy* side, we have all those *tough* movies and heavy metal/hard rock songs. Seems like guys are bombarded with the extremes... how many songs, movies, shows, etc. depict a *balanced* way?
Author CaliGuy Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 so how was your date this afternoon? It didn't happen. She left me a message that her meeting was running late but that she wanted to reschedule. I replied back this morning (got the message about an hour before we were supposed to meet) something to the effect of "Ok. Not sure what my schedule is but I'll get back to her." See, she's already given me a bad gut feel. Too hesitant, canceling at the last minute. Not a good sign. Actually the more I think about it, I probably won't get back to her
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