CaliGuy Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Let me pass on a few "dating" site examples of something that happened to me just today. First off I rarely send out emails. The site I am on has a forum as well so I post there. Occasionally a woman will read a post of mine, go to my profile and then email me from there. Today I got this after not replying the first time: #1: "YOU HAD ME WITH THE PHOTO'S UNTIL I READ THAT YOU ARE ALL INTO KID THINGS. I STOPPED THEIR. A WOMAN WANTS A MAN." (Note: Unless hiking, intelligent conversation, Being Spontaneous, snowboarding, traveling, etc are considered 'boy things', I don't have anything that would even remotely be considered 'boyish' on my profile.) My reply: "I don't remember saying I was interested in you or your opinion of me." She was not attractive in the least bit, BTW, but that doesn't matter. It's the fact that she emailed me once and I never replied that I believe caused her to write the above message. A little bit better grammar would be nice as well. #2: Another lady, who is attractive, starts writing me. I reply back, we get into a conversation, have some things in common. So rather than give her my life story over email I tell her "Let's meet for coffee sometime." I figure it's then I can tell her more about me, etc. She's stand-off-ish and says "Well, if you're ever in my area, let's meet then." Now I'm thinking to myself "If you initiate contact and can't even meet me halfway, I'm not interested." That's a boundary I am putting up. I am not going out of my way to go meet someone when they're not willing to meet me halfway. I don't see that as an unreasonable request, do you? In no way did I indicate I was anxious to meet her, just that I think trying to have a conversation over email is impersonal. Just wanted to pass this along. People are just weird, man. Way weird.
konfuzd Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I wouldn't classify either of these girls as 'wierd' as of yet. Girl #1- yes, she overreacted, but it is pretty rude to just ignore someone if they make the effort to contact you. (especially if it's one of the sites you have to pay for) Strictly based on her image, you decided to judge her and not even give her personality a chance. If there was something in her profile that turned you off, a simple, "sorry, I don't think you are quite what I'm looking for." would be appropriate... would put her in the drama queen category, but not the wierd one. Girl #2- If that was the reply she gave, doesn't sound stand-offish to me... it just means that she's in no rush to go out and meet you, maybe she's cautious, maybe she's had some bad experiences and wants to test the waters more before meeting. I think one of the main reasons girls go online dating sites is for the opportunity to meet someone and find out about them prior to dating. An opportunity you can't get if you meet at a bar, coffee shop etc... definately doesn't qualify as weird in my books.
kellyp1 Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 CaliGuy: They are plain wierd. You have it on the button. Many people have lost their ability to have social skills at all. Too crazy. Good luck, I hope things work out for you. I know it is hard to find someone that wants a normal dating relationship anymore. And for the girl who said she wanted a man and not a boy. Crazy lady! Boyish charm and outdoor activity is awesome. My parents still enjoy some of that stuff that others might say are adolescent and they are in their 60's and have been married 44 years. You are supposed to have fun in life.
Touche Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I wouldn't classify either of these girls as 'wierd' as of yet. Girl #1- yes, she overreacted, but it is pretty rude to just ignore someone if they make the effort to contact you. (especially if it's one of the sites you have to pay for) Strictly based on her image, you decided to judge her and not even give her personality a chance. If there was something in her profile that turned you off, a simple, "sorry, I don't think you are quite what I'm looking for." would be appropriate... would put her in the drama queen category, but not the wierd one. Girl #2- If that was the reply she gave, doesn't sound stand-offish to me... it just means that she's in no rush to go out and meet you, maybe she's cautious, maybe she's had some bad experiences and wants to test the waters more before meeting. I think one of the main reasons girls go online dating sites is for the opportunity to meet someone and find out about them prior to dating. An opportunity you can't get if you meet at a bar, coffee shop etc... definately doesn't qualify as weird in my books. Completely agree. I've been married now almost 11 years. Was a flake like your ex in my 20's. See nothing wrong at all with #2. And I agree with the appropriate way you should have handled #1. Konfuzd was so right.
riobikini Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Caliguy, there's more in your post that caught my eye than what your post was about....for instance....the thing the first woman said: "You had me with the photos until I read..." What I'm pointing at, here, is proof that women do look at the photos, but they also read them... -just noted the 'proof' in your post, that's all. -Rio
Guest Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I can't believe anyone would think #1 would be worth another chance. The reply was impolite, badly written, and not at all interesting. She sounds like a total crank. I'd want nothing to do with someone who would respond like that. I do agree #2 was just being a bit cautious. She may have met a few too many men for 'coffee' only to find them expecting more or being a disappointment.
ms_jnj Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Yeah...online dating is full of interesting folks, I've found. I've just about given up on that particular idea....I'm going to scratch that one off the list just like I scratched off bars. But what the hell does that leave? You know you and I should just run away and get married and forget all this dating crap, don't you Caliguy? Hehehe...
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 I wouldn't classify either of these girls as 'wierd' as of yet. Girl #1- yes, she overreacted, but it is pretty rude to just ignore someone if they make the effort to contact you. (especially if it's one of the sites you have to pay for) Strictly based on her image, you decided to judge her and not even give her personality a chance. If there was something in her profile that turned you off, a simple, "sorry, I don't think you are quite what I'm looking for." would be appropriate... would put her in the drama queen category, but not the wierd one. Maybe so. She just doesn't fit my profile in the least bit and I figured if I just ignored it she would get the hint. I should probably learn a kind way to reject someone I am not interested in. Girl #2- If that was the reply she gave, doesn't sound stand-offish to me... it just means that she's in no rush to go out and meet you, maybe she's cautious, maybe she's had some bad experiences and wants to test the waters more before meeting. I think one of the main reasons girls go online dating sites is for the opportunity to meet someone and find out about them prior to dating. An opportunity you can't get if you meet at a bar, coffee shop etc... definately doesn't qualify as weird in my books. I thought it was weird in the sense that she initiated contact, I suggested meeting is better because you can't get a sense of someone just from emails and suggested meeting haflway first. She then suggested I come to her town (around 25 miles away). My point is simply that if you meet someone and you like them, you should at least be willing to meet halfway. That's a boundary with me, you know? I'm not going to start driving 25 miles one way to see someone who won't even make an effort to meet me halfway to kick of the relationship. Maybe I am weird
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 CaliGuy: They are plain wierd. You have it on the button. Many people have lost their ability to have social skills at all. Too crazy. Good luck, I hope things work out for you. I know it is hard to find someone that wants a normal dating relationship anymore. Thanks. I don't know that I am expecting too much by saying let's meet halfway. If you're too lazy to get in your car to meet me halfway then forget it. I'm through going out of my way to make other people's lives easier at the expense of mine And for the girl who said she wanted a man and not a boy. Crazy lady! Boyish charm and outdoor activity is awesome. My parents still enjoy some of that stuff that others might say are adolescent and they are in their 60's and have been married 44 years. You are supposed to have fun in life. I honestly think that she has some deep, underlying issues. I went back and read her profile. 37 years old, 5'11 and overweight. Has a daughter in COLLEGE already. Yikes. No goals or aspirations, nothing in common with me as far as likes/dislikes (other than God), just - I mean I could tell she was weird. And her message confirmed it for me. I ignored the warning signs from my ex, this time I'm alert but not overly so. I mean, I am not vigilantly looking for any reason to shoot someone down. I just expect there to be some normalcy there and a willingness to compromise. No compromise = no date from me
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 Caliguy, there's more in your post that caught my eye than what your post was about....for instance....the thing the first woman said: "You had me with the photos until I read..." What I'm pointing at, here, is proof that women do look at the photos, but they also read them... -just noted the 'proof' in your post, that's all. -Rio True. I didn't just look at her photos though. I DO read the profiles because I want to know who that person is, not just what she is. Men are visual, I agree, but I'm doing my homework now. I feel I have a lot to offer the right woman, not just any woman. I would gladly take a 6 with a great personality and a lot going for her versus a 10 who's nothing but a headache.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 You know you and I should just run away and get married and forget all this dating crap, don't you Caliguy? Hehehe... Are you proposing to me, JNJ? I'm not that easy you know, you're going to have to work a bit harder than that
Noos Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 CaliGuy - people aren't weird - they just have no manners at all nowadays. The first girl's post was rude, aggressive and pretty unnecessary. The second girl doesn't seem motivated so don't bother. Not meeting you halfway is a sign of selfishness.
CastingPearls Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I' ll agree that people are weird, but a kinder term might just be unique. Maybe the quirks these ladies demonstrate are not attractive to you, but it's our differences that make us interesting. You might have to sift a lot of dirt to find your gold nugget, but I bet you'll find her. CP
littlekitty Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Ehhhh some people are just strange CG....!! They don't know how to work these things. I'll admit I had plenty of the 'I mailed but you haven't replied, I can't work out why?' type emails. Some escalated to a bit nasty when they didn't get a reply. I have no idea what they thought it would achieve. For me it was easy... hit delete!!!
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 Ehhhh some people are just strange CG....!! They don't know how to work these things. I'll admit I had plenty of the 'I mailed but you haven't replied, I can't work out why?' type emails. Some escalated to a bit nasty when they didn't get a reply. I have no idea what they thought it would achieve. For me it was easy... hit delete!!! That's what I did with the first one. I could tell she wasn't what I was looking for. I have some boundaries here so I'm not going to compromise myself when someone is showing their inability to compromise. Good thing the site is free I wouldn't be paying for this stuff, haha.
littlekitty Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 That's what I did with the first one. I could tell she wasn't what I was looking for. I have some boundaries here so I'm not going to compromise myself when someone is showing their inability to compromise. Good thing the site is free I wouldn't be paying for this stuff, haha. Too true. I only used one site I paid for (DD), the other were all free site, where you could, if desired, pay a subscription for futher tools, but didn't have to. I always found these people a bit disturbing...!! I mean if you message me having a go at me because I haven't replied to you, do you really think it's going to get my interest level raised?!!! Strange!! Definately don't compromise... you seem like a great guy and some girl is going to be lucky!!
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 Too true. I only used one site I paid for (DD), the other were all free site, where you could, if desired, pay a subscription for futher tools, but didn't have to. I always found these people a bit disturbing...!! I mean if you message me having a go at me because I haven't replied to you, do you really think it's going to get my interest level raised?!!! Strange!! Definately don't compromise... you seem like a great guy and some girl is going to be lucky!! Thanks Kitty. I've done so much growing and evolving over the last 5 months that I think I'm in the best 'relationship' shape I've ever been in. Now I just need to find the right woman. I guess it wouldn't help to say I have this thing for women with British accents, huh?
littlekitty Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Thanks Kitty. I've done so much growing and evolving over the last 5 months that I think I'm in the best 'relationship' shape I've ever been in. Now I just need to find the right woman. I guess it wouldn't help to say I have this thing for women with British accents, huh? Well I'm always open to flattery!! But I think my SO might not appreciate the lovely CaliGuy trying to whip me out from under his feet!! It's good to feel that you are ready and grown... have no fear, the right women will bite you on the ass (literally if your lucky ) right when you least expect it!!
ms_jnj Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Are you proposing to me, JNJ? I'm not that easy you know, you're going to have to work a bit harder than that Ah darn, it's just that you seem so easy! The proposal is practical, really....we are both always on loveshack griping about online dating and otherwise physco date-material we've encountered. So obviously we should just stop wasting our time and pair up. And really....you need a young, hot (or something like that) and ambitious gal and I need a mature man of intelligence and experience. Right? But I suppose we can each continue to lead our single lives of lonliness and desperation without each other, if you insist.
magda Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Not that girl # 2 is necessarily right or anything, but I might've done the same thing. If you don't want to give her much basic info about you over email about yourself, why should she drive out of her way just because you'd rather say stuff over coffee? I dunno, so many people turn out being weirdo's that a person needs a little bit more information.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 Ah darn, it's just that you seem so easy! The proposal is practical, really....we are both always on loveshack griping about online dating and otherwise physco date-material we've encountered. So obviously we should just stop wasting our time and pair up. And really....you need a young, hot (or something like that) and ambitious gal and I need a mature man of intelligence and experience. Right? But I suppose we can each continue to lead our single lives of lonliness and desperation without each other, if you insist. I like your attitude Ah if it was only that easy.....23 is not out of my range.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 Not that girl # 2 is necessarily right or anything, but I might've done the same thing. If you don't want to give her much basic info about you over email about yourself, why should she drive out of her way just because you'd rather say stuff over coffee? I dunno, so many people turn out being weirdo's that a person needs a little bit more information. But see that's the thing, I'm not asking her to drive out of her way, just meet me halfway. I gave her enough info via email. I don't want to talk to death over email and have nothing to talk about in person, ya know?
Author CaliGuy Posted April 6, 2006 Author Posted April 6, 2006 Update: Girl #2 just emailed me saying she would meet me halfway. I am glad I stuck to my guns on this. Had she been unwilling to do so, I would have passed on her. I fully believe in compromise. An unwillingness to do so to me at least is a red flag. JNJ, you better hurry up and get down here. haha.
blue16 Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 First girl was upset that you didn't respond/weren't interested in her so she tried to justify in her own mind that she didn't like you by trying to find something wrong with your profile. Makes her feel good about herself, kind of like "well I didn't want him anyway..." Which leads me to related question - I'm on a dating/networking site (not exclusively for dating, but more for networking with friends etc) and occasionally if I see an attractive girl I'll send her a message saying how I like her pics, or she has a nice smile or something. Half of the girls don't even respond - would it kill them to say thank you? I mean if they aren't interested that's fine, but my messages are very tasteful and it only takes 2 seconds to reply with "thanks :)" I make sure to atleast do that if someone gives me a compliment, even if I have no interest in them at all.
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