clovermonster Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 so after a long week of day/night working, my man had done numerous over the top sweet things for me around my house... when we finally met up on sunday, and went to his place, i noticed there was an ashtray on the bedside table beside my side of the bed...he always has an ashtray on the bedside table nearest him, but never on the bedside table on my side of the bed... the ashtray in question is ALWAYS in the living room... i automatically assumed someone else had been in bed with him... i did not mention this observation to him. instead, he said, "did you see the ashtray i put on your side for you?" i want to believe that he truly was being considerate, but have an odd feeling in my stomach. * i also noticed that he has a condom in his bedside table, we don't use condoms... * he also cleared out a drawer for my things... slightly confused * thoughts???
CeeJayXX Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Hmmmm.... This is an interesting one. I'm not familiar with your situation if you have posted before (sorry)..... I guess I would question all of it as well, especially if he is a rather predictable person. The condom is what stood out for me. If you don't use them than this is very odd behaviour to be in possession of one especially in the bedside drawer.
2sunny Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 an ashtray is something a person is in need of and its' placement is very telling. when you want it or need it - you place it close in proximity. same thing with a condom. doesn't look too good from my perspective... hey, but I could be wrong...
Blind Illusion Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I could overlook the ashtray but the condom is strange if you don't use them. Is it something that was always there and could have pre-dated you? Keep your eyes open in the meantime-if there is fire, you'll smell more smoke.
AndrewJ Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Hes playin you i recon. Quick witted responce as he must ahve picked up on you staring at teh ashtray. tread with caution
littlekitty Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 The condom could have pre-dated you. The ashtray could be a nice gesture on his behalf. We need more history and info to be able to make a judgement as to what this might really mean. How long have you been together? Does he often do sweet things for you? Could he just have been making an effort for you? What is your relationship like? Tell us a bit more, as I don't think what you've told us is enough to judge.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 If you guys haven't been together long the condom wouldn't be an issue to me. It could have been from before you, during his single days, as a just in case.
Art_Critic Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 i automatically assumed someone else had been in bed with him... I think you have some serious trust issues... What has he done for you to not trust him ? Has he cheated on you before ? Jeez.. an ashtray is moved and you think he is cheating.. How nice.. Why don't you trust him ?
MrsHellFire Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 he has a condom on his bedside table. was it there before or was it recently put there? if recent, doesn't sound good. also the ashtray move.. sounds like something you do when you need it. also the sweet gestures, if not usual, can be a sign as well. and of course there is a possibility that he just appreciates you. WHO KNOWS! bottom line is that you need more proof.
Author clovermonster Posted April 6, 2006 Author Posted April 6, 2006 okay...thank you all for your insight... * 3 months together condom dated 2007 - * i mentioned something about the condom and he did say that he never claimed to be a virgin prior to me...that helped...it's still in the drawer - i never looked in there prior to this incident, so i'm unsure how long it's been there * he's not cheated on me that i'm aware of, nor are the kind gesutres a new thing... * i think i do have trust issues and i think that my gut reaction is so ultra sensitive that it allows my paranoia to run amuk with things... * i'm keeping my eyes open... he gave me keys to his place w/in 3 weeks of dating...he tells me i'm welcome to stop by anytime...day or night... * thank you
littlekitty Posted April 7, 2006 Posted April 7, 2006 okay...thank you all for your insight... * 3 months together condom dated 2007 - * i mentioned something about the condom and he did say that he never claimed to be a virgin prior to me...that helped...it's still in the drawer - i never looked in there prior to this incident, so i'm unsure how long it's been there * he's not cheated on me that i'm aware of, nor are the kind gesutres a new thing... * i think i do have trust issues and i think that my gut reaction is so ultra sensitive that it allows my paranoia to run amuk with things... * i'm keeping my eyes open... he gave me keys to his place w/in 3 weeks of dating...he tells me i'm welcome to stop by anytime...day or night... * thank you You need to back down and trust him I think. Everyone jumped to conclusions on this one, and I think they were wrong too. You've only been together for 3 months. It's absolutely acceptable that he has a newish condom around. It means nothing except that thankfully he's been practising safe sex before (and hopefully, with) you. If the kind gestures are nothing out of the blue, then there is no red flag there. The fact that you have a key to the appartment and are welcome to drop by when ever you choose is the biggest factor. This is a great way for someone to open up their life to you and show you they have nothing to hid. This doesn't mean you should start snooping, but it does mean that they don't believe they have anything to hide from you. I think you're fine, and you need to work on this. Sounds like he's actually a pretty nice, good guy?
Author clovermonster Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 little kitty. . . thank you for the clear headed logical advice...i'm begining to realize that i must let go of the mistrust, paranoia and fear of trusting...i must trust what i'm told and how i feel with him when i'm not being a paranoid freak... he is amazing...i'm very lucky and don't want to *uck this up...he laughs when i apologize to him for my freak behaviour...he says he loves his little jealous, paranoid, possesive little munchin either way... but i sure as hell don't appreciate any of these kooky fear based actions of mine... whether i trust in this or fear this, it will be what it will be... * thanks~
littlekitty Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 little kitty. . . thank you for the clear headed logical advice...i'm begining to realize that i must let go of the mistrust, paranoia and fear of trusting...i must trust what i'm told and how i feel with him when i'm not being a paranoid freak... he is amazing...i'm very lucky and don't want to *uck this up...he laughs when i apologize to him for my freak behaviour...he says he loves his little jealous, paranoid, possesive little munchin either way... but i sure as hell don't appreciate any of these kooky fear based actions of mine... whether i trust in this or fear this, it will be what it will be... * thanks~ You're more than welcome! Ha, he sounds really sweet! Reminds me of my SO. I tend to be a bit grumpy in the night, and when I apologise, he always says that he loves 'his little grumpus anyway....'!!! I've got a lot better at not being quite so grumpy though! whether i trust in this or fear this, it will be what it will be... This is absolutely true. Perhaps try using this as a mantra, repeat it to yourself often. They say you only have to do something 12 times before it becomes habit. When you find yourself having these worrying thoughts, repeat that to yourself. Then take a deep breath and turn your thoughts around if you can. Put yourself in your bf's position, and find the perfectly acceptable reason for whatever has worried you. Try to always look at things from the other point of view. I know that has helped me over come my jealousy issues in the past. I think anyone who has been hurt by cheating, always has some left over jealousy and you have to learn to work at it and deal with it, then move on. For me it subsided over time as I learnt to trust again. Being in a loving, trusting relationship now, I know I can trust my partner 100% and I don't have any issues doing so.
target-d Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 we don't use condoms 3 months together condom dated 2007 - I'm sorry, but my red flags are up over this combination of things. You've only been together for 3 months and you DON'T USE CONDOMS????? This is NOT WISE AT ALL. You can't know anyone well enough within 3 months to know whether or not there are health risks involved. Either of you should be far more concerned about health to not use condoms after that short a time. This doesn't have anything to do with whether or not you are both faithful NOW, it has to do with pre-existing conditions that you may not yet be even aware of.
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