gueniverre Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I would like to gain insight on how to turn something around in a relationship that has gotten stuck in its habit.... I will give an example: for 6 months you have always come home, cooked dinner immediately and cleaned the house. You are getting tired and need to back off from toiling away. Problem is, your mate has become accustomed to this routine and will likely feel hurt and offended and might even lash out in anger and whathaveyou.....but you need to break this routine so you can take a breath and relax and enjoy your youth for once... This is my situation.....I believe that since I have always listened to my BF and never openly went against him, it has become a habit of mine and a routine for him. I wish to break away from all of this and gain some independance. It is obviously going to shake things up with him, I can feel his resistance, and I just want to make this transitioning time easier for him.....but how to break free first when he is so accustomed to me being mild and agreeable to his demands? How to break free without causing a catastrophy??!! thanks! -Guen
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Over the weekend make meals and freeze them that way he can just heat it up. Number one problem solved. Remind him that you two are in a relationship and you are NOT his parent, meaning that you don't HAVE to do it all, that he can lift a finger or two. Make it a positive thing, not a negative thing. Be casual and just say that you are going through something and need a change in routine, and that you hope he supports you.
Author gueniverre Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 thanks! For a while he has been used to me sticking around and being a house mouse, but i recently made some friends and he is having a hard time with that....he keeps telling me my friends are gay/lesbians and are going to kill me.....so I havent got to go out with them yet, I am still working on it with him, but he doesnt want to budge and has even taken away my phone privileges. I know he is feeling confused because I have never really had friends before, let alone talked to them on the phone, so I have to go slow.....I will tell him I am going through something and just need a little relaxation, and to help me out by not stressing me out. Maybe he will get it and back down a bit!! What else can I do to make him see things in a positive light??
Guest Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 he keeps telling me my friends are gay/lesbians and are going to kill me What?????????? and has even taken away my phone privileges. I know he is feeling confused because I have never really had friends before, let alone talked to them on the phone, so I have to go slow... Girl you are with a sick, controlling wierdo!!!! "Phone privileges"???? Are you not an adult? What if you need to call 911? WTF is this? Your friends are lesbians and will kill you??? It sounds like he has got major MAJOR problems. Quit trying to appease him, call a domestic abuse line, and start figuring out how to get out of there before he does worse. Nothing you've told us is normal!!!!
Author gueniverre Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 ooopss...this is my fault, I didnt mean to say that he said they are gay/lesbians and are going to kill me...he actually said it like this: if it is a girl he says: "I think she is a lesbian" If I say that she has a BF, he says: "Are you crazy, you dont know these people, maybe her boyfriend and friends use drugs and could kill you" Looking back, I guess you could see that comment as harsh...my mistake, I should have been more explanatory!! sorry! The phone thing is a new thing. I have never had one before, and so naturally I want to use it to talk to my friends. I dont really use it that excessively, certainly not any more than he does (he has always had a phone) and normally only during down time, and when he is hanging out with friends, I will walk off and talk to mine. But he got angry and said that if he sees me on the phone one more time he will throw it on the ground and break it. So he took it away and when it rang he told me not to answer or he will break it.... I could see how this particular adjustment is rough for him, I have never had one before. How can I make this change a little easier for him?
Author gueniverre Posted April 5, 2006 Author Posted April 5, 2006 ha ha ha!! yes I have had a phone before, I meant to say CELL phone!! Sorry!! I have never had a CELL phone before!!!
littlekitty Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 How old are you honey? And who pays for the cell phone bill? If it's you he really has no right to dictate how much you use it. And even if he does pay the bill, there's better ways to discuss usage than act like a controlling pig about it. How is it difficult for him to adjust to you having a cell phone??? WTF? He sounds very, very controlling from what you've said, even with the clarification of some of what you've said. If he's as controlling as he sounds, it's possible he'll make it very hard for you to have your own social life. It could be a make or brake thing... I hope you will break it off he continues to try to control you in this way.
catgirl1927 Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 You keep starting new threads looking for ways to present this situation and have people not tell you you are in an abusive relationship. You cannot present these facts and have reasonable, caring adults think the situation you are in isn't unhealthy and dangerous. You are with a controlling, abusive monster who is going to end up hurting you. You need to GET OUT. Call for help. You need protection from this person.
Tim'sAngel Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Hunny NOTHING you said in your thread sounds normal, NOTHING AT ALL!! I don't know you I don't know what kind of background you've come from, but you are in a dangerous situation and you need find a safe place to go and leave this man. He is acting like a father and not a bf, a dangerous father at that. If you are over the age of 18, you are an adult and only you have a right to say when you will use the phone or go out with your friends and noone has the right to say otherwise!! Even if you are a minor, a boyfriend still has no right to tell you what you can and cannot do. Relationships, or at least healthy ones are a 2 way street!! There is no one over the other! You need serious help!!
Recommended Posts