Fighting Depression

[kitten chick]

Maybe it's time to consider meds.

[NightsInWhiteSatin]

maybe you need to get away from it all for a while....cut everything off completely....put studying on hold till you're well again....go away for a week or two...on holiday even if its somewhere cheap and not exactly sunny spain....just for your own health...do a bit of recooperation

[AltplanB2]

like i said, im done.

[kitten chick]

I feel that way sometimes too. Like when I'm crossing the street and I kind of wish there was a car coming. We call it, watch out for the ones that aren't moving fast enough.

 

See if you can get your PM rights, I'd like to chat with you about depression, if you're interested.

[kitten chick]

Pretty please with sugar on top

[AltplanB2]

i dont know what pms are or how to use them

[kitten chick]

PMs are private messaging through Loveshack. I'll be around for about an hour or so if you want we can coordinate you putting up your email address and deleting it once I get it. Up to you.

 

Either way, I know how you feel. You're not alone. There are plenty of other people that have gone through what you're going through. Times are tough now, no doubt. You're dealing with a lot of physical and emotional stuff. Just hang in there.

[AltplanB2]

k check my profile

[kitten chick]

Got it!...

[PYT]

Alt I hope you are feeling better now. I think many of us have felt like you are feeling now and we got through it with the help of meds and counseling so I know you can too. I hope by now you are on antidepressants or seeing someone or better yet both. You can do it.

[AltplanB]

i just stuck it out. I realized that it was heartbreak and steroids. I loved her and i still think about her everyday, and its been at least 8 months. I dunno why. I do know that she harbors nothing for me. She called me like every month but i never answered. I had already gone down swinging. Besides, do i really want her to know what im going through, even today. Shes been in like 2 relationships after me, and shes turned really slutty. I guess i was in love the person she was, or at least who i thought she was. I have dated too but nothing serious has come along. Some people think i should respond to her. Others think i wont get closure till i talk to her about whats bothering me. Others say stick to NC.

 

NC works for some and not for others. It got me to a certain point where i was able to stop being some crazed idiot, begging for her back. But it didnt get me past the feelings i have deep down for her. I dunno what i should do. I feel ive tried everything...burning stuff, erasing our lives together, sleeping around, drinking, working out...etc..I almost flunked out of school when she dumped me. I just gave up on everything except for the point of trying to get out of the slump of being so alone and so hurt.

I have friends now and go out, but even this hasnt stopped me from thinking about her. When i see a girl with her hair, a certain dress, a smile, her first name, it really bothers me. My mind won't let these feelings go away.

[PYT]

Hi alt, it sounds like you have made some progress but still have a ways to go. I hate to sound cliche but time does heal all wounds, it's just that some take longer than others to heal. In time I am sure you will meet someone who you will feel even more strongly about and though you will probably never forget her, you won't pine for her any longer.

[AltplanB]

Thanks dude. I havent called her or anything and i thank anyone that has followed my story and given advice. To be honest, i think about her at least once a day (I hear her first name alot, seems everyones got it..) and i have like periods every month that i really just plain miss her. I dont do anything about it though, just keep to myself, alone..

 

The fact that i haven't met anyone with potentil despite the fact i go out alot has started to cause me depression again. Mostly cause it gets me to thinking about her again. I dont know what she thinks of me and really, it doesn't matter. I don't expect ill talk to her again.

 

This was by far the hardest experience i ever went through. Heartbreak and steroids do not mix. Being alone and broken hearted is terrible. It changed me, not for the better, but not for the worse. I have more friends now, more than i have probably ever had. But i still think back to her reasons why, and what i could of done...It's like mind-poison that tastes too delicious to stop. I think about her, and me..and then i start thinking about the guys after me...being with her, and i just have a moment of despair. Its been 10 months, yes 10. heartbreak and steroids caused this to go on this long. If i hadn't loved her, i woulda been over ther that day. If i hadn't been on steroids, probably within a month. But its been 10. 6 months of severe depression and 4 of normalization. I almost flunked outta school but thanks to doctor certification that i was depressed and ****ed up, their gonna give me another shot.

 

Ive dated lots of girls since her, but none have sparked my interest. I think that it soley lies with my inability to really trust them again. I push them away before they have the chance to hurt me. Its a common defense that is imployed by those that have been heartbroken, and it keeps many people single to the latter years of their lives. But im only 21.

 

From anyone elses perspective, i have everything, and they can't understand why im single. I got great looks, a great car, a smooth intelligence, and money. However one person was not impressed enough and not attracted to me enough to stick with me...and its still haunts me. Whenever i meet a girl that is like her in anyway, either physically or mentally, i shy away. I feel like a wounded dog.

[mejohn1]

"On its face this will sound critical, but it isn't meant to be. What I think your problems amount to can be summed up as follows: your priorities have been and remain to be completely screwed up."

 

Johan hit it on the head with that one. My wife has been battling depression for more than 4 yrs and it has progressively gotten worse. If you continue to focus your thoughts and energy on the whole "Woe is me" attitude you will lose yourself and will have a hell of a time coming back. Trust me, I see it every day. My wife has refused counseling because she is afraid of what bad things might come up. She won't sleep for days and then other days she sleeps for 18-20 hours. Her whole life is spent talking about how sick she is, how many people have donw her wrong, how she should have never been born, yada, yada, yada.

 

Trust me, if your girlfriend left that quickly she had been contemplating it for some time and whe would have given you the signs. You were just too self absorbed to see them. No offense. Have you ever known of someone who has had to deal with one bad situation after another and seem to come out on top every time? They have an outlet; be it church, a spouse, good friends, or an undying sence of optimism. We wonder "how do they do it". Well they love themself, are confident in what they can accomplish, and NEVER focus on the bad like a crutch. You are focusing on the bad, and only the bad. Here's a quote that I taped on our PC monitor for my wife:

"Anxiety and depression are like bad friends, when we gain the courage to choose our real and true friends, the bad ones will have no choice but to leave and become mere memories."

 

Here is how she reacted, " you think this is all in my head?!?, do you really think it's that easy?" Well yes I do. Trust me, I know of what I speak because I live with a suicidal person who hates very bit of herself. But each and every morning I work like hell to pump her up, to make her feal loved. She will never get better, though, until she wants too. And that will cause me to leave her. If you truly want to get better than for God's sake quit focusing on your EX woman and focus on yourslef and life around you. You have, not had, friends. Why did they quit hanging around? Probably becasue all you eanted to talk about was you and your misery.

 

Depression's a bummer man and people have better things to than to hang around it. It brings people down or makes them uncomfortable. THe only person who can change your life is you. Others, like a good counseler, can show you the way. It's the whole "lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" thing. Well start drinking in life man or you will die. Literally. I'm sorry to put the blame on you but it's the only place blame can fall. Relationships end, bad things happen; it's life. But how we deal with them makes up our character, our soul, and guides you through life. You chose to focus on your lost woman, your hair, your muscles. Now choose to focus on your life. We all have a purpose on this big ball of rock but you need to find it; and the search is part of the fun.

 

Kick this thing in the ass and live your life man! Good luck

[destination_unknown]

I was thinking about this today alt & john.

 

I had depression from about 15-22. (Think it really started pre-pubescent - I didn't speak to relatives at all for years as a kid, i'd been abused by one). Numerous self-harm incidents, as well as suicide attempts, and two stays in psych hospital. Took a few different anti-depressants for a few years. Went off them two years ago and I came through the other end. K, life still ain't perfect but I do think differently about it and relate differently to "sucky" stuff that happens.

 

So, to get back to the point I wanted to make. I wonder if it is a choice that I made to change things and be more optimistic/less self centered, why couldn't I have done that earlier if I was stronger and more determined? I'm not so sure. I think getting out of depression is partly through your own strength of will and partly you will when you are ready. (Perhaps you only become ready when you lose so much and realise that your doing it to YOURSELF)? I don't think i've articulated that very well! Basically, I wonder if it is a choice or you can only make the choice when you are ready?

 

Alt, one way of starting is NOT making lists in your head of all the bad stuff thats happened, try making a list of the things you DO have. Like parents who obviously really care about helping you through this, friends, a second chance at college, roof over your head, food on the table, you might not have 100% of your health but pneumonia and bronchitis go away ... it doesn't mean its not **** that your not over your ex or that you don't have insecurities but EVERYONE has insecurities and I think most people go through at least one heartbreak that's hard to get over.

 

You will get over this when your ready, but do try to make a concentrated effort. When your lying in bed, and feel like you can't get up. Think about it, can you REALLY not get up and do something? Will it REALLY kill you to hop out of bed, jump in the shower, go for a run and do some study? Sure, you might feel down and not particular enthusiastic about it - but what if you had to get up - what if there was a screaming baby to take care of or a sick relative that was dependent on you - you would get up, shrug off your feelings of depression and get on with life. When you do that, something surprising happens - it stops being so hard and starts to get alot brighter.