Fighting Depression

[AltplanB2]

About 6 months ago i had a very traumatic experience when i suffered the end of a relationship that i thought had the chance to go the distance while at the same time coming off steroids. If you know anything about steroids, you'll know that the down period is a very dangerous time to become depressed. Not only did i lose all the muscle that i spent 2 years gaining, i feel into a deep state of depression and associated all my lose with the one i loved. Within weeks she had met someone else and started up a new relationship. I was destroyed and although i knew it was over, i clung to the hope that she might come around. That lasted for about 4 months. After that I was just depressed because my friends still hung out with her and told me all the bad things she was doing like who she was sleeping with and how messed up she was. I kept thinking to myself it wasn't her fault and that these actions were the result of her bulimia and depression over her fathers demise. But low and behold, this only strengthened my depression over the situation. I stopped eating properly, stopped taking exclusive care of myself, watched my grades drop dramatically in college, and watched my friends walk away from me. What keeps me going is that I know that their is some girl out there waiting for me to come along and be theirs.

However i have depression that seems to not want to let go. I have things to do that i dont get done. I use my wit/charm to barely pass classes. I dont sleep at least 3 nights of the week in which i just wait for the gym to open so i can grab some coffee and go. I hate the way i look. When i do sleep(for like 11 hours), i slowly wake up over an hour with thoughts of shooting myself, like i have nothing good in my life that i need tending too and that all the things i have put time into have been spat back at me. I cant decide on a major (im a junior). I am not attracted to other women anymore unless they meet the very high and almost impossible standards that my ex was. I look tired and am losing hair because of the steroids. Its a lot to take in a 6 month period. I used to be this big rower that never used a computer and had lots of fun and friends. Now i have a roomate that doesn't really want to hang with me, no job because my parents pay for everything, serious depression, a dwindling interest in education, and no gf. Its a bleek existance that i am still unsure if i will overcome. I feel like running away and just starting over in another country. I feel like i will never meet a girl like my ex unless i have the abilities of the guys she met after me. I feel like i have failed at so many things that i put all my time into and i haven't even tried to make a dime. Im not lookin for any responses to this, i just wanted someone to listen. whatever you think, im all ears.

[dprelz]

I can relate to this post pretty good. I have those same thoughts dude, and the future doesn't seem so bright. I can't get over my ex, im starting to pile up a little debt because I work so little. I work from home, which used to be perfect, but now it is so hard because I am lonely. Sitting at home thinking about what she's doing and who she is with. I don't want to kill myself, but if I woke up one day dead I wouldn't mind. It sounds stupid, but life follows the same pattern for me. You work so hard for something, and when you get it two things happen. Either it's not as good as you thought, or somehow it screws up and you can't get it back. Then you are supposed to just get right back up and work so hard to be happy, when you know... something wrong will happen.

Trust me dude you are definately not alone. I know this didn't help, but maybe if someone else that was like this replies they can help us both.

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry that you're feeling so awful - But I'm glad that you've posted, it will help and please, keep writing.

 

Have you considered going to see someone about how you feel? This depression could get alot worse if you don't do something about it now. A combo of anti-depressants and talk therapy can help you so much! It probably won't be a forever thing, but it really can help you now. Please think about it, k.

 

Take care and post back soon.

[qnmc]

I know what you mean, coming off of a relationship that felt like it was nothing less than meant to be can be extremely traumatic and affect every facet of your life.

 

I went through it and it hurt like hell. But in a weird way, knowing that this kind of thing happens to everyone helped immensely. I can guarantee that 90% of everyone you know has gone through this at least once... and how have they turned out? For the most part - just fine. If anything you will gain a new perspective on what it takes to make a successful relationship work - use all of that negative energy you have rolling around inside of you to do some objective reflection (huge emphasis on OBJECTIVE - DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR THE RELATIONSHIP'S END, IT IS NEVER THE FAULT OF JUST ONE PERSON).

 

And please go speak with a counselor. Since you are in school (Dprelz, I don't know what your situation is) this should be a free service. It helps immensely to talk about this kind of thing to an objective third party. Trust me on this, I was really hurting until I started going to speak to someone about it.

 

And when you come out of this, because you will over time, you will come out of it a much stronger and wiser person, knowing that you can get through anything. The reason you will feel this way is because you are the one who pulled yourself out of this. You will have figured out the steps you need to take to make yourself feel better. I know it doesn't feel like this right now, so you will have to go on faith with this one, but you will look back, over time, and think to yourself - wow, I can't believe I got so worked up over her.

[Clair]

I think you need to stop drinking coffee, it contributes to depression. And the other thing to consider: do you seriously think your ex-girlfriend is the only woman on planet Earth? There are millions of women out there.

[AltplanB]

I feel as if the steroids have had a major affect on me. I lost some hair and i lack a lot of confidence. Im also losing weight. I used to be 195. now im barelly 175. Sucks for a 6'5 dude. Im in shape though. I just dont think women that are the type i am attracted too(around 6 feet tall and thin) are attracted to tall thin guys with muscle. I dunno, maybe its my attitude. I went through a lot and i was supposed to shrug it off. I didn't. I haven't. People keep treating me like crap and then expect me to just accept a simple apology and move on. I am so tired of this s***.

[Clair]

I think women are very attracted to tall thin guys. You shouldn't be involved with people who treat you badly, even if it's your own relatives or friends. As far as steroids, may be you should start eating more healthy and look for ways to detoxify your system. Exercise will help too. Not body building, but walking, yoga, swimming etc.

[AltplanB]

your right. I still fight the lonelyness that i comes from failing to find the right one. I consider myself attractive and know that women are attracted to me. Unfortunately, i have a huge fear of coming off as sleazy so I dont normally approach women. In fact, i look for tell tale signs that they are interested. Such as long stares or a smile. But few women have done this. Usually, they come on rather strong, eliminating my thrill-of-the-chase mentallity. Its a very awkward balance that i am still trying to work out. I also dont meet many women that give me that same feeling as my ex did. Its hard meeting a 6 foot tall girl thats hot. Usually they play sports or are really into themselves because their tall. I sometimes am into myself but i try very hard not to be.

What fustrates me is that i allowed myself to learn everything that my ex is doing and it really hurts me. I shouldn;t of listend because then i wouldn't of had to care. Even though i shouldn't, i still care deeply for her and that is why i can have no contact with a woman that doesn;t want a romantic relationship with me.

All the questions that i wish i could ask her only makes me realize that i shouldn't contact her. I would only get hurt more. The sad thing is that she was over me very fast and i still am not. Like another guy said in another post, this 21st century woman that uses men and is able to just go from one to another, is not the bases for a healthy society and i am a prime example of victim at the roadside. Its been 6+ months and although their are other women out their, all it took was one to bring a guy like me down.

My dreams are really f***ed up too. I keep killing myself in my dreams. wtf is that all about..

[AltplanB2]

anyone still reading this crap>

[johan]

I read it.

 

On its face this will sound critical, but it isn't meant to be. What I think your problems amount to can be summed up as follows: your priorities have been and remain to be completely screwed up.

 

I think it's part of growing up that they unravel themselves and you get your head straight about things, but you have to give yourself a chance. You're a severe self-hater, from what I gather, and that must stop. The sooner the better.

 

It seems that you don't understand what it truly valuable about you and you are focused on superficial things like your body shape, hair, and how hot your girlfriend is. Until you learn to love yourself like your best friends and family love you, you'll be struggling like this. I'm not talking about vain infatuation with yourself like a narcissist. I'm talking about mature realistic love that only wants the best for you.

 

Would your mom say "you're no good to me unless you keep your hair, weigh more and have bigger muscles"? No way. She doesn't give a damn what your girlfriend looks like. She cares that you take care of yourself, stay healthy, and spend your time with people who are good to you.

 

Those are exactly the same messages you should be giving yourself. You might be feeling depressed, because things are so screwed up, but once you get your head straight about some things, I think those feelings will lift.

 

I've been where you are. I know exactly how you feel.

[dprelz]

The only advice I can give you, and the one thing that helped me sooooo much is working out. Weight training, watching what you eat and a lot of of cardio. When your body is working properly and you just finished a run, you dont think about your problems at all. Or at least I don't. I try and run 30 mins a day; the days I do run I am happier for the remainder of the day.

[lovernotafighter]

hmmm..I felt I should post cause I was just talking about being on anti-depressants..people might say this and that,but I know I started taking them about 1 1/2 to 2 months ago and they have helped me take the edge off...I have a zillion bad things going on at once and I believe if it wasn't for the Lexapro I'm on I would have had a nervous break down.

 

seriously see your doctor..he'll help you.

[mental_traveller]

I had a period which sounds milder than yours, but where I went from extreme success (making a lot of money, good times with friends, travel, great relationship etc) to being in a pretty depressed state, borderline alcoholism, and a complete lack of motivation to do anything productive. Like you I had major sleep problems, didn't eat properly & lost an unhealthy amount of weight. Also for a long time I denied my problems and would rationalise it as taking time off, I'd go party sometimes to convince myself I was having a good time etc. Well the way I found out of it (partly, I'm not back to my former state but definitely out of serious depression) was first, go speak to a qualified doctor, second try to read up on the problem, and third & most important, do at least something productive and try to get as far away as possible from wasteful activities.

 

Really the way to get back self-worth is to find something, anything that motivates & interest you, and really put yourself into that, whilst at the same time try to break the bad unproductive habits you have. It's also important not to be isolated, so try to keep up friendships, speak to relatives or anyone who can lend a helping hand. Having a support network really helps. Just try to get back to normal one step at a time. On a scale of 0-100, if you're at 0 then just try to get to 1, then later when you feel ok with that, go to 2 etc. It's a slow process but slow & steady wins the race.

 

I'd also recommend trying to change your environment. I underestimated the importance of surroundings, just things like who you hang with, your workplace (if you are working), how you feel when you step into the street etc. Try to be around people who are doing ok, not with people in a depressed state or who are impatient with you. Maybe volunteer for a charity or something, just get some activity and regularity back into your life.

 

I don't really agree with taking anti-depressants, unless you're diagnosed with a specific bio-chemical imbalance that is the main cause of your depression, and the treatment is targeted at that, or you've just had no luck with changing for the better for like a couple of years. Anti-depressants have side-effects, and I'd always try therapy/counselling first.

 

Also don't write off finding someone. I met someone while I was in a poor state and it really helped to have someone there encouraging. Now things have turned up somewhat, it's better than ever. Don't underestimate the power of love, it can come from the strangest places and when you are least expecting it.

 

Finally, don't ever give up! And don't be too hard on yourself either. It's natural for recovery to be faltering, often you'll backslide into bad habits, but keep plugging away, that's all you need really and eventually you'll drag yourself out of these depths. Good luck.

 

P.S. working out is good, but the trouble is that it's v hard to stick to if you are in a depressed state. If you can summon the willpower to work out regularly, then usually you are not really that depressed in the first place.

[AltplanB2]

Thats the thing. I got more and more depressed. I used to be like a workoutaholic. I would go to the gym twice a day sometimes. 7 days a week. Then she dumped me, i started losing weight, losing muscle...Went to the gym 5 days a week..then 4...then 3...Then i got sick, and i got sick again...even worse. Broncitis and such. Now im 25 pounds lighter and i had no body fat. Granted i was taking steriods at the time but as of now, im still sick and my body wont let me get better. I talked to the doctor and they said that the mind if depressed can have a major affect on the body. My body's immune system doesn't function right, im always tired. Ive worked out twice in 3 weeks...barely. I cant focus. And since im sick, no one wants to be around me let alone go to the bars. But who the f*** cares...I can get it back. Jeez im only 21.

[Carlthecoffeeaddict]

Thats the thing. I got more and more depressed. I used to be like a workoutaholic. I would go to the gym twice a day sometimes. 7 days a week. Then she dumped me, i started losing weight, losing muscle...Went to the gym 5 days a week..then 4...then 3...Then i got sick, and i got sick again...even worse. Broncitis and such. Now im 25 pounds lighter and i had no body fat. Granted i was taking steriods at the time but as of now, im still sick and my body wont let me get better. I talked to the doctor and they said that the mind if depressed can have a major affect on the body. My body's immune system doesn't function right, im always tired. Ive worked out twice in 3 weeks...barely. I cant focus. And since im sick, no one wants to be around me let alone go to the bars. But who the f*** cares...I can get it back. Jeez im only 21.

 

who was the guy your ex met? do you remember him? It sounds to me that you had high standards for yourself, which is great, but due to the break up you comprimised yourself with your standards and let them detiorate at her will. Does anyone deserve this? HELL NO MAN.

 

I know losing someone can be significantly hard, but you need to love yourself again in order for someone to love who you are. Pick yourself up, get back in that gym, slam the weights man, youre in a constant depressed emotional state that needs a pattern interuption (the gym will do it!). As others have said, Get Immersed with activity, to the point of exhaustion, when that happens you move on naturally and will forget about her. Youre only 21, this is the start of your life......you will, in your life, get major setbacks, but the key to avoiding the pain is to PREVENT the setbacks from DEFINING WHO YOU ARE. F*ck her, she lost out. End of story, game over, this is your life and dont let her benefit from your misery.

[kitten chick]

I read it.

 

On its face this will sound critical, but it isn't meant to be. What I think your problems amount to can be summed up as follows: your priorities have been and remain to be completely screwed up.

 

I think it's part of growing up that they unravel themselves and you get your head straight about things, but you have to give yourself a chance. You're a severe self-hater, from what I gather, and that must stop. The sooner the better.

 

It seems that you don't understand what it truly valuable about you and you are focused on superficial things like your body shape, hair, and how hot your girlfriend is. Until you learn to love yourself like your best friends and family love you, you'll be struggling like this. I'm not talking about vain infatuation with yourself like a narcissist. I'm talking about mature realistic love that only wants the best for you.

 

Would your mom say "you're no good to me unless you keep your hair, weigh more and have bigger muscles"? No way. She doesn't give a damn what your girlfriend looks like. She cares that you take care of yourself, stay healthy, and spend your time with people who are good to you.

 

Those are exactly the same messages you should be giving yourself. You might be feeling depressed, because things are so screwed up, but once you get your head straight about some things, I think those feelings will lift.

 

I've been where you are. I know exactly how you feel.

Gawd I hate it when you're right Good post Johan.

[AltplanB2]

you guys are right. thanks

[kitten chick]

How are you doing altplan? Still feeling down?

[PYT]

I agree with Johan but also think you would benefit from either an antidpressant, cognitive behavioral therapy-cbt or both together. See if your schools health center offers cbt or check out the books by Sam Obitz or David Burns on cbt and do the thought countering exercises and you will build your self confidence and begin to feel a lot better. Finally there are plenty of fish in the sea and once your confidence comes back I am sure you will be able to attract several to choose from

[AltplanB2]

i go up and down. Sometimes i feel really down, and then other times she'll pop into my head at times when i realize that im feelings better and i sink down again. Its vicious. But i bring it on myself. Im getting some test results back next week about my testosterone levels and such. Im also gonna start on anti depressents. I also decided to go to culinary academy because my parents think that throwing money at the problem so i can find something interesting in my life will help. we'll see.

[kitten chick]

I'm in a somewhat similar position APB. I'm going to start antidepressants as well. I've tried every kind of therapy but nothing worked. My depression started with going on birth control and even though I've been off of them for a year I think it just screwed with my system too much. I just couldn't recover after that. I think it's really hard to recover when you have both physical and emotional issues going on. Maybe the steriods did a bit of harm to your system. Hormones can really mess with you. I think that the combination of meds, culinary school (mastery in something), and maybe a bit of therapy might help cure you. At least that's what I'm hoping for myself. Good luck and let us know how you're doing.

[Noos]

I've been through these issues and have astruggled with self-esteem problems and body image and bulimia for most of my life. Last March I had a meltdown and went to a clinic for an outpatient course in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

 

You sound like me: a perfectionist, you have low self-esteem, you have possibily been criticised about your looks or body in the past and exhaust yourself with trying to be perfect so you won't be criticised again and so you win approval of others. Your moods go up and down according to whether you secure this approval or not. You think things about yourself that your worst enemy might think.

 

I recommend the anti-depressants too but I can tell you now that you will not solve your issues just by taking them. They will level you out, "take the edge off" and allow you to function but you do need to go talk to someone about your problems. You work out what triggers the times you feel bad, what behaviours you engage in when you feel bad, how to sit with your emotions without letting them trigger self-destructive bahviour and also learn about the things that make you feel good. Talking about issues in group therapy is a good idea and you will be surprised that you will not feel self-concious at all because everyone in the room will understand where your head is at.

 

Do less weight training and more cardio but make sure the cardio is vigorous like power walking on a treadmill, cycling, running or swimming. It clears your mind, pumps up your natural happy drugs (endorphins) and will allow you to relax a bit and sleep better. Steroids were a bad idea.

 

I'm still working on my stuff with the help of EffexorXR, a psychiatrist and psychologist. It is helping me but it is hard work.

 

Take my advice, make an appointment to see someone and get a referral - fast.

 

And remember - you don't love from someone who only values you for external things like looks and achievements. That sort of love is worthless and causes you anxiety:) .

[AltplanB2]

ill give you guys an update when the results come back in.

[NightsInWhiteSatin]

Don't loose yourself over this girl....don't give your soul away to her aswell you've already spent all this time mulling over her which im not saying isn't allowed but it's not healthy and you've got to want to snap yourself out of it and feel the need to live your life the way you want....you're better than this you can pull yourself around...you can get back on your feet and do the things you've alway wanted to do...make yourself feel better spoil yourself rotten...make yourself feel good...get out go to the gym...buy new clothes...etc It's a start Make yourself feel all new and sparkly. Look forward to the day when you'll be so happy and confident within yourself you can walk right past her and not even let it get to you and maybe even one day talk to her and not let the past get to you...make it your goal.

 

Also if you feel it will help maybe looking into having a councellor or a psychiatrist...doesn't mean your crazy or anything like that...sometimes we all need someone to talk to and a little guidance when we sometimes drift of course and thats all theyre there for to help get you back on track....it helps to see them as a friend rather than a 'psychiatrist' or a 'head doctor' because that can be pretty intimidating and off putting.

 

Hope it works out for you.

[AltplanB2]

I can't take this anymore. Ive been trashed upon for the last 7 months. Nothing has gone right for me. Lets recap.

 

Girl I was in love with left me and started sleeping with my friends.

Friends choose to hang with her and not return my calls.

Lost my sport because of injury.

Lost 25 pounds of muscle ive struggled to put on because im skiiny.

Losing hair from steroid use.

I can't eat.

I can't sleep.

I caught broncitis and nomonia.

I'm failing school because i can't motivate myself to get to class.

Im alone.

 

It's like someone is making bad things happen to me on purpose. Like I deserve it or something. Well im tired of it. I'm done.