STLguy Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 My girlfriend has a formal through her co-ed fraternity the night after my a formal for my fraternity. When we discussed whose we should go to we ended up deciding to go to mine and that she'd not go to hers. Last night she told me that she decided to go to hers but that she didn't want me to come with her. This seems really odd to me, why wouldn't she want me to go? I know she's pretty high up in the fraternity and she would have to go off and talk with everyone and I'm fine with that. She said she didn't want me to go then not be able to talk with her that night and have me feeling left out. I told her that didn't bother me, I'd find plenty of people to talk with there, and I'd like to meet her friends there. Eventually she said I could come, but I know she doesn't really want me to. I guess I just feel a bit hurt, her wanting to go hang out with friends is one thing, I'm 100% fine with that, a formal is just different to me. If you love someone I'd think you'd want to share something like that with them. I'm going to tell her I decided not to go, I know I shouldn't do something like this if she doesn't want me to. But how should I go about saying it to her? Should I tell her that I felt hurt? I don't want to look weak and needy. Thanks.
catgirl1927 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I think you're reading her wrong. I think she's going to be SO busy that she won't have time to spend with you. She won't be able to share it, and she's trying to avoid that.
Author STLguy Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 And that's exactly what she said. She knows she's going to be going from group to group and she gets crazy around her brothers and she doesn't want us to fight over her not spending time with me. It just kind of hurts that she goes from wanting to do something that night and not going to her formal to wanting to not only wanting to go to the formal, but going without me. I can see were she's coming from, but it still kind of sucks for me, perhaps I'm being selfish. I'll not tell her it hurt me, I really don't want to come of as needy or insecure because I'm not. I really don't care if she goes out with friends, I want her to have a life outside of me, which this girl definately will, she's extremely independent, I guess I just thought formal was different.
catgirl1927 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Well, I think she should be able to go to her formal. It's really not fair to expect her to pick yours over hers. I know you guys talked about it but I've "talked" about stuff with my BF and still didn't like the outcome. If she's high up in her group, why should she not go just because you've decided yours is the one you want to go to? And if she's going to be crazy busy that night, she doesn't want to fight with you about not being at your side all night.
Author STLguy Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 That's the thing, I never asked her to give it up, she decided she wanted to do mine over hers. That really suprised me too, because I know she holds high positions. I really don't care if I'm by her side that night, I know a couple other people that are in the fraternity that I could talk to plus I enjoy meeting new people. It just kind of hurts that she didn't even extend an invitation I guess, again, maybe I'm being selfish.
catgirl1927 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I don't think it was so much that you aren't invited as that she knows she will not be able to spend any time with you at all. Maybe she's afraid you'll be all, it's ok, I can hang out with other people, and then when in reality she truly has NO time for you that you're going to get upset.
kypepeo Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Yeah, I think you're over reacting a bit but that tends to happen alot in relationships. even if you say that you'll be o.k if she's chatting everyone else, she'll still feel like she has to hang out with you regardless. She honestly doesn't want you to feel left out and that's probably the reason she doesn't want you there. More importantly, you should always talk things out with your girlfriend otherwise even small things like this can fester and become a major issue later. Make it a habit to open up no matter how small you think the issue is. If you don't, when something big comes up you'll clam up and that leads to drama
Author STLguy Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 Yeah, and I am open with her, if she's doing something I don't like I make sure to tell her. This is the first real disagreement over anything I'd consider somewhat big in the relationship though and I will make sure to say something. I'm going to her place to drop something off tonight so I'll make sure to bring this up. I'll just say something like I've thought everything over, and I decided not to go with you. I know you're going to be busy socializing and don't want to have to worry about whether I'm having a good time. I was just a little disappointed and I assumed that would be something you'd want me at, but I can see where you're coming from and I want you to be able to enjoy yourself without worrying about me. I'd love to go to events with you, but I don't want to go unless you want me to go with you. After that I'm just going to drop it and get on with the relationship. Hopefully she doesn't insist on my coming now just to try to appease me. I really hope I didn't come across as needy or whiney last night, I was just a little taken aback.
Noos Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I think you should take this at face value. She has to attend to a lot of things if she's high up in her sorority I think and she doesn't want to woory about your welfare that night. You might tell her that she doesn't have to but she won't be able to help worrying. Bow out.
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