your girl's weight

[grateful]

The thing is MadDog, we are talking about women obsessing over 5 to 10 pounds. And believing that 5 to 10 pounds are stopping men from both approaching them, i.e. walking across the room, as well as valueing them in a long term relationship. In fact we are talking about women who feel "worthless" in general when they are overweight.

 

The truth is it isn't the 5 to 10 pounds that are keeping men from approaching - it's their lack of confidence in themselves and their bodies. The hotties you look for exude sexiness because they are confident. Do you check their clothes size to make sure they are a pefect size 4?

[blind_otter]

Let's be realistic though. Most men are initially drawn to a woman's looks. Lots of women are initially drawn to a combination of a man's looks & social status (career/income.) This doesn't mean these traits are the most important overall--they're just more important in the beginning.

 

I'd say I'm a pretty typical guy in some regards & I'll be the first to admit that if I go to a party or club, I'm looking for all the hotties to talk to. It doesn't mean all I care about is a woman's looks but if I have to choose relatively quickly who I want to talk to, what else am I going to base it on?

 

Once I do start talking to a girl, I assess the type of personality she has (intelligence, sense of humor, etc.) So in the end, she's not going to get very far with me anyway unless she's a complete package. Do I want a girl who's smart, charming, & funny? Hell yeah, but I want to be physically attracted to her too.

 

An analogy would be like a car. Looks would be like the doors & personality the engine. Would you get a car that has a powerful engine but no doors? Or one with cool doors but no engine? Well, you kind of need both.

 

 

Yeah. But I would get the car if it needed a new paintjob, or some body work. So there, underware.

[tinktronik]

Hotties, what does that mean ? Some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen had what most would consider a "few extra" . But they had their shoulders back stood upright and they practically glowed. There is very little to top self confidence from within and happiness in a woman to draw a man from across the room.

[grateful]

I was trying to edit to add this but the posts came to quick:

 

 

The other thing is that I am absolutely convinced that the women obsessing over 5 to 10 pounds are incredibley hot. I mean they work out, they eat right, they take care of themselves. I'm sure they are gorgeous! They just don't see what we see when they look in the mirror. I wish they wouldn't be so hard on themselves.

[catgirl1927]

wondering since CGs bf/ f is in the body business if this has something to do with it?

 

Last time I checked, bond brokers aren't in the "body business." But I don't go to work with him, there could be something I don't know...

 

He was a trainer in college. He's not one any more. He's not perfect either, the reason I've gained this weight is because we've been cheating on our diets together.

[Noos]

WEll, grateful - this has been my experience. Have you ever had a guy tell you not to kiss him because you're too fat for him? I guess not judging by your optimism.

 

If you'd experienced how differently you get treated when you're thinner to when you're fat you'd understand.

 

I don't beleive my worth should be based on my looks and size but in Australia's macho culture, to men, they certainly are.

 

I think Mad Dog is right on the money. Guys approach good looking girls. And good looking girls are not considered to be an AUS14 here, they are an AUS8-10.

 

It may indeed be environment. The most famous female exports from my country are Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett and Elle MacPherson. Jeez, when Elle MacPherson's career was at its peak in the 1980s, guys wanted us to look like her. Imagine how disheartening that is.

 

I find that some men don't evenh understand that not everyone can diet and exercise to look like a model. They don't understand that genetics play a part, they just think you eat too much and are lazy.

[MadDog]

The thing is MadDog, we are talking about women obsessing over 5 to 10 pounds. And believing that 5 to 10 pounds are stopping men from both approaching them, i.e. walking across the room, as well as valueing them in a long term relationship. In fact we are talking about women who feel "worthless" in general when they are overweight.

 

I agree, a woman shouldn't feel worthless because she has a few extra pounds. They still have to be realistic though & realize it does make a difference to a lot of guys when their looks are being evaluated . Sorry but I've never rated a girl that had noticable extra weight on her as being a hottie.

 

The truth is it isn't the 5 to 10 pounds that are keeping men from approaching - it's their lack of confidence in themselves and their bodies. The hotties you look for exude sexiness because they are confident. Do you check their clothes size to make sure they are a pefect size 4?

 

5 to 10 extra pounds won't keep every man from approaching a girl but it will stop at least a few, I'm sure. A girl could be super confident but if I'm not into the way she looks, sorry, that isn't going to be enough. I'm sure some other guy that doesn't put physical fitness as a priority when it comes to looks would though.

 

I don't have to check clothing sizes to tell if a girl is slim/fit vs packing a few extra pounds. It's pretty obvious.

[MadDog]

Hotties, what does that mean ? Some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen had what most would consider a "few extra" . But they had their shoulders back stood upright and they practically glowed. There is very little to top self confidence from within and happiness in a woman to draw a man from across the room.

 

Well those are also "the most beautiful women I've ever seen" according to a female perspective, not a guy's. I also think you have the role confidence has in getting the opposite sex confused with what it means for guys.

 

For guys, confidence is probably the #1 thing for getting girls. For girls, confidence is a bonus but looks are still #1 by far when it comes to getting guys. And if a slim figure isn't what's considered ideal for girls, why are all the girls that are in the media pretty slim? I don't think you can argue that slim isn't preferred way more than a few extra pounds when it comes to having an attractive figure, at least in our society.

[riobikini]

Look, we're never going to change how every man looks at the women he fantasizes about...but realize that's all it is: a fantasy.

 

We girls think about certain males who aren't exactly accessible to us, too.

 

Pot and Kettle calling each other "black"....we all have the fantasies, -the image of our most favored physical characteristics we like to see in men squaring off with everyday's reality.

 

Who wins?

 

Who do we wind up with?

 

Answer: if we're really lucky, it's some guy we could love with both our eyes poked out, and just based on how he treats us and loves us back....with or with out our eyes missing.

 

-Rio

[littlekitty]

Rio makes a good point... we all lust after a Brad Pitt, not everyone ends up with one...!!

 

*I got lucky*

[melbourneboy]

My Girl is like a size 14 in Aus. she has the cutest belly i just wanna Rub, she is no way skinny but i like her body the way it is, i dont think shes fat shes just awesome to Grab.. Im not all into the skinny Girll Sex is like having ur bones grinding on each others ...yukkk makes me feel sick...

 

I love my g.fs weight to me it is perfect

 

Cute as Hell!!!!

 

[littlekitty]

My Girl is like a size 14 in Aus. she has the cutest belly i just wanna Rub, she is no way skinny but i like her body the way it is, i dont think shes fat shes just awesome to Grab.. Im not all into the skinny Girll Sex is like having ur bones grinding on each others ...yukkk makes me feel sick...

 

I love my g.fs weight to me it is perfect

 

Cute as Hell!!!!

 

 

 

Thank you Melbourne Boy!! Noo's... take note!!!!!

[Walk]

I used to get really mad when men spew off about only dating "hotties". Partly because I was the girl passed over because my friend was more in line with societies definition of "hot". When I was young, it used to really hurt my feelings. I felt like I wasn't good enough because I didn't look the right way. My friend did look the right way. And even though she was screwed up mentally. Royally screwed up. And became annoying after extended periods of time. Men would fall over themselves to ask her out.

 

Guys were nearly shoving me out of the way to get to her. And the entire time I'm wondering why? For looks? Because I'm 4'11", stocky and dark haired, while she was 5'7 and blonde? She had no common sense. She had brains but refused to use them. And no goals for her life. Yet her "qualities" were what they wanted.

 

I learned not to value my worth based on how others saw me. I stopped basing my self worth on others (or try to). I don't compare myself to others. (Cameran Diaz, or my friend) I aspire to be the best I can be. Based on what I felt was important and who I aspired to be. And I like my life so much more now then I ever did when I was fighting so hard to look like the classic "hot" woman.

 

Maddog values the outter package first and foremost. I don't want that in my life, and I don't care about those things, so someone with that outlook on life won't fit in my world. (Take the car example. I want one that can get me from point A to point B without costing me a fortune.) I think this carries over into all aspects of their lives. It's about status. The new car, the big screen tv, the keeping up with the Jones's. Not for me.

 

I'm ecstatic to have a man who loves me even if I gain 10lbs, who loves my wit and sarcasm and intellect. Who values me for me. And I have it because I searched for a man who doesn't place personality second. Of course, that might only be because I'm not hot, so therefor didn't get the guy who judged me solely on my looks. So I guess I'm the lucky one. I'd rather not be hot if I have to worry if 10 lbs is going to destroy someone's love for me.

 

This thread accomplished something... I'm really happy today that I'm not a "hottie". Wow. Thank you! And I have Maddog to thank... your comments have made me appreciate not being a hottie. (valued like a car.. ha ha...sa-weet... )

[Walk]

And if a slim figure isn't what's considered ideal for girls, why are all the girls that are in the media pretty slim? I don't think you can argue that slim isn't preferred way more than a few extra pounds when it comes to having an attractive figure, at least in our society.

I had a theory on this... Notice how the models have no hips or curves. They look like young boys. I think it's because top designers were gay males and actually wanted their models to look like little boys. And so once popular culture decided that was "hot" it became the look for actresses. and models began to cross from modeling to acting... So now men like Maddog are lusting after women who look eerily like little boys.

 

Just a theory....

[catgirl1927]

I had a theory on this... Notice how the models have no hips or curves. They look like young boys. I think it's because top designers were gay males and actually wanted their models to look like little boys. And so once popular culture decided that was "hot" it became the look for actresses. and models began to cross from modeling to acting... So now men like Maddog are lusting after women who look eerily like little boys.

 

Just a theory....

 

I have also advanced this theory. I bet there are some gay designers who are laughing their asses off right now!

 

The truth of the matter is, without an initial attraction there is no initial meeting. I have been a perfect 4, tan with big boobs, and I know how it feels. If people think the world is an easier place for pretty people, they are absolutely right. It is very hard to give up.

 

Now I will say this, it's a lot easier to make friends with these 15 extra pounds. I wonder how these women who would sing to the mountaintops that it shouldn't matter what you look like would treat me if they met me after I've lost weight and been to mystic several times. I'm just saying.

[a4a]

Cat I think you may be onto something!

 

Trim and fit, "hot" women = dumb, nasty, sluts.

Heavier women= intelligent, sweet, humorous.

 

Typical stereotypes that some women buy into.

[Noos]

Walk - I'm trying to get where you are now. I had the same experience when I was young and it scarred me.

 

But anyway, getting back to the point of this thread,

 

*How can a guy not recognise that a girl has anorexia nervosa, even after sleeping with her?*

 

Do some guys find actual anorexia - I'm not talking skinny model, I'm talking looking like she has been starved in a prisoner of war camp.

 

How is that attractive and how he can he not see that it is abnormal?

[catgirl1927]

Walk - I'm trying to get where you are now. I had the same experience when I was young and it scarred me.

 

But anyway, getting back to the point of this thread,

 

*How can a guy not recognise that a girl has anorexia nervosa, even after sleeping with her?*

 

Do some guys find actual anorexia - I'm not talking skinny model, I'm talking looking like she has been starved in a prisoner of war camp.

 

How is that attractive and how he can he not see that it is abnormal?

 

I think guys think that girls don't have to work at staying thin at all. They think girls who are like that just have a lot of discipline. I think they admire it. Honestly, guys think that if you're not super skinny, you're just lazy.

[grateful]

Well those are also "the most beautiful women I've ever seen" according to a female perspective, not a guy's. I also think you have the role confidence has in getting the opposite sex confused with what it means for guys.

 

For guys, confidence is probably the #1 thing for getting girls. For girls, confidence is a bonus but looks are still #1 by far when it comes to getting guys.

 

 

I disagree with you. You know how when you are attached it seems like you get approached more to the point where you are thinking 'where were all these potential dates when I was single?' Well, that's not just a male experience. It happens to women too. And its directly tied to confidence. When you are loved and respected and told every day how wonderful you are, you feel better and more confident. This attracts men to women as much as it does women to men. It's been my personal experience that I've been hit on more since I've been with my SO than when I was single, even during the times when I've gained a few pounds.

 

 

WEll, grateful - this has been my experience. Have you ever had a guy tell you not to kiss him because you're too fat for him? I guess not judging by your optimism.

 

If you'd experienced how differently you get treated when you're thinner to when you're fat you'd understand.

 

 

No Noos, that has never happened to me. If it is a personal experience of yours I am truly sorry that anyone would say that to you. I hope you got away from that man as fast as possible.

 

Noos, I have been fatter and thinner - - we all have. And I've been treated the same with more or less pounds. For me the difference in how I've been treated by "the man on the street" has always correlated to my confidence and not my pounds.

 

I am sure I am much fatter than you. And no one, no one, no one has ever said "don't kiss me because you are too fat for me." Clearly, since I'm heavier than you, this behavoir isn't a byproduct of how much weight a woman carries but the kind of men she associates with.

 

And to answer your question:

*How can a guy not recognise that a girl has anorexia nervosa, even after sleeping with her?*

 

I'm sure he knows at some level but shares her denial. He is a party to the same brainwashing society does to women about standards of beauty and believes that skeleton-thin is sexy. Maybe he even enables her illness by telling her she is getting fat (say when she goes from 89 lbs to 94 lbs).

 

I second what littlekitty said

 

Thank you Melbourne Boy!! Noo's... take note!!!!!

 

And I'm laughing my (big) butt off because of Walk's theory. The homophobia that usually goes hand in hand with the kind of man MadDog describes - y'know the one out there scoping out the "hotties" - makes your theory so rich that I have decided to instantly believe it no matter what the actual truth is.

[MadDog]

I learned not to value my worth based on how others saw me. I stopped basing my self worth on others (or try to). I don't compare myself to others. (Cameran Diaz, or my friend) I aspire to be the best I can be. Based on what I felt was important and who I aspired to be. And I like my life so much more now then I ever did when I was fighting so hard to look like the classic "hot" woman.

 

Can I ask you then, do you ever put in any effort to make yourself look more attractive by putting on makeup, fixing your hair, eating healthy, exercising, etc.?

 

Maddog values the outter package first and foremost. I don't want that in my life, and I don't care about those things, so someone with that outlook on life won't fit in my world. (Take the car example. I want one that can get me from point A to point B without costing me a fortune.) I think this carries over into all aspects of their lives. It's about status. The new car, the big screen tv, the keeping up with the Jones's. Not for me.

 

I think you don't understand that looks are a prerequisite for me but nowhere near the only thing that matters. I also want a girl with intelligence, a good sense of humor, independence, etc. What's wrong with wanting it all? You make it seem like I either have to choose looks or personality. Are you saying that if a girl is hot, she's automatically devoid of a good personality?

 

If it were simply about the status, I wouldn't care about personality. And your analogy that you'd rather have a car that's cheap but functional implies that the hotter a girl is, the more difficult and draining she will be for me. I think you're stereotyping a lot here. A hot girl can be low maintenance. The correct analogy would be, if you could choose a Mercedes or Hyndai and they cost exactly the same, which would you choose? I'd choose the Mercedes. Who wouldn't?

 

I'm ecstatic to have a man who loves me even if I gain 10lbs, who loves my wit and sarcasm and intellect. Who values me for me. And I have it because I searched for a man who doesn't place personality second. Of course, that might only be because I'm not hot, so therefor didn't get the guy who judged me solely on my looks. So I guess I'm the lucky one. I'd rather not be hot if I have to worry if 10 lbs is going to destroy someone's love for me.

Again, you're making the same false assumption. Just because a man values looks doesn't mean he doesn't care about personality. Just because a woman is hot doesn't mean she doesn't have a good intellect. Do you really think that there isn't a girl out there who's smarter than you and also extremely hot? Do you think that by not being hot (your own opinion), you automatically have a personality that's better than every girl that is hot? That's pretty arrogant.

[hotgurl]

I had a theory on this... Notice how the models have no hips or curves. They look like young boys. I think it's because top designers were gay males and actually wanted their models to look like little boys. And so once popular culture decided that was "hot" it became the look for actresses. and models began to cross from modeling to acting... So now men like Maddog are lusting after women who look eerily like little boys.

 

Just a theory....

 

I was looking at some industry magizines and some designers have said that they get curveless women because curves screw up the line of the clothes.

 

Clothes are designed to look good by themselves or on a hanger not on a woman. And then models are so unhealthy and thin 5'8"-6" 110 than is not good.

 

the sick thing is the more it's out there the more people think it's ok. Some models are so thin that thier hair is falling out.

[blind_otter]

Can I ask you then, do you ever put in any effort to make yourself look more attractive by putting on makeup, fixing your hair, eating healthy, exercising, etc.?

 

Dude, I should hope that no one on earth exercises and eats right in order to attract the opposite sex. That is so dumb.

 

You do that because your body is a temple and should be treated as such, with reverence. It's a tool to increase efficiency, to hone and sharpen in order to function better.

 

Not to look hot in a bikini.

 

I fix my hair and wear makeup because I like it. Not to attract men. If that were true I would stop looking good in relationships.

[MadDog]

Dude, I should hope that no one on earth exercises and eats right in order to attract the opposite sex. That is so dumb.

 

You do that because your body is a temple and should be treated as such, with reverence. It's a tool to increase efficiency, to hone and sharpen in order to function better.

 

Not to look hot in a bikini.

 

I fix my hair and wear makeup because I like it. Not to attract men. If that were true I would stop looking good in relationships.

 

I agree but the point I was getting at was I wondered if walk's man sets up a nice anniversary date for them or something, does she just roll out of bed & go. If she is true to her word & doesn't think looks should matter at all, that's exactly what she would do.

[SmoochieFace]

Guys were nearly shoving me out of the way to get to her. And the entire time I'm wondering why? For looks? Because I'm 4'11", stocky and dark haired, while she was 5'7 and blonde? She had no common sense. She had brains but refused to use them. And no goals for her life. Yet her "qualities" were what they wanted.

 

The things you should ask yourself are these: What sort of guys are going after your friend? And are they the sort YOU would want to have in your life?

 

If guys are going after women for *shallow* reasons then it's quite possible to think that they are *shallow* themselves. Birds of a feather as they say...

 

Personally, I wouldn't worry about those who pass you up simply because of your *looks*. You would be better off without them in the first place. A quality guy will value other things in a woman such as ambition, character, and personality over mere physical looks which can easily change over time.

 

And one other thing... not ALL guys go for what society deems as *hot* in women.

[riobikini]

RE:

 

b_o: "...because your body is a temple and should be treated as such.."

 

I agree.

 

(Do I note the Southern Baptist unbringing? Smile...good girl!!)

 

My body is a temple...but I'm picky about the 'worshippers' who get inside it, though.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio