tinktronik Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 In flipping through the mail today, I came across a package for my s/o ( been together 4 years) it was from his attorney . It was the rest of the divorce packet that he never filled out. So he's never bothered , in 4 years, to tell me that his divorce still hasent finalized.WTF!!!!! He says this has been laziness on his part and he'll get it done now . But F*** . I know he hasent had any contact with his ex , he dosent know where she is and hasent since she popped up at my job for a short time , and dident know where she was before that except that she had run off with the circus. Oh jeeze . I'm not sure what my ? here is besides WTF!!!!!
ImWithHer Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Wow! I can understand why you're upset, this is kind of a big thing to drop on you, especially like that! But take a deep breath and calm down for a moment. Remember, you are dealing with a GUY. The reason I say this is: 1. Men can be lazy. Something like that is just too easy to put off, especially since it wasn't (in his mind) an immediate priority. 2. Men can be dense. He probably has no idea why this is such a big deal to you. As far as he can see, he is divorced and he loves you now, and no amount of backlogged paperwork is going to change that. You DO have a right to be upset, but this is a forgiveable offense. Let him know how you feel (I'm guessing hurt, decieved, and irrelevant), talk it through, then help him remember to sign the friggen paperwork and get it over with. Then forgive him and forget about it.
Gorgeous Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Well, as big a deal as this is, I wouldn't sweat it. Talk about what's bothering you about it. Explain to him your concerns regardig his due dilligence in seeing the divorce process through. But also know that he's human. We all make mistakes and let things (sometimes important) slip between the counter top and the refrigerator. I found my keys there once... Anyway, what I'm saying is; don't blow up. You're right in feeling how you do, but he hasn't done anything (or not done anything) to change your relationship whatsoever. It's getting finalized now, and that's all that matters.
Author tinktronik Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 I agree, and no I don't plan to go overboard with this, just to make sure it gets done. I do realize that things do slip away from you when you dont want to dal with them. But you'd think he'd have bothered to mention it.
Tim'sAngel Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I can totally understand why you're upset!! I (to my knowledge) have never been with a married man, except for one incedent. I was seeing someone for maybe a month or so, someone I really really liked. He had told me or at least I remember him telling me He was divorced. Then later I was bragging to his roomie about never being with a married man and he replied "Oh is that so?" and chuckled. Found out the divorce wasn't finalized yet but was in the process. I still felt dirty being with someone who wasn't officially divorced yet. I have nothing on you though. You would think in the amount of time you guys have been together he would have mentioned that. Men are lazy though, but not a good enough excuse! I wouldn't sweat it, but I would deff be upset!!
RecordProducer Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Don't panic, it's not such a big deal. People lie sometimes. Haven't you ever lied? If he has been honest about everything else with you in the past four years, (meaning you haven't caught him lying) then you shouldn't worry about this one thing. They've been separated for a long time, it's just a paper he hasn't signed yet. I am not saying you shouldn't be upset and feel betrayed in a way, but SOs let us down sometimes. We get up and continue to live happily ever after.. until something else comes up. C'est la vie, my dear! Did he actually tell you that he SIGNED the divorce papers? Did he tell you he's got a divorce decree? probably not. Most likely he just told you that he's divorced, because that's how he feels.
nicki Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Um, i'm divorced. When I was separated, I was upfront about how I wasn't divorced yet. Some people only want to date single, divorced people, not separated. That's their choice. So I was always honest. I can't imagine dating someone for four years and not sharing my true marital status. I'd be pissed if I thought my boyfriend was divorced, but he was separated. Let's hope it's just the final decree papers he needs to sign and not all the preliminary papers. Going through a divorce with someone is tough. And maybe not all people want to do it. I would never date a separated guy. Only divorced ones. And I would be mad if someone said they were, when they weren't. Just make sure he finishes up. Tell him you only date legally single men and won't feel quite right about things until the divorce is legal.
HokeyReligions Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Ditto Imwithher. My sadistic mind would try something like renting a kid or four (maybe twins) and having them come over and call you 'mommy' then look at him and say "Oh, did I forget to mention...."
Outcast Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 It took me ages to get my divorce. Just never got around to it. Practically forgot about it for a while. If two people are living separate lives and have zero intent to reconcile, the divorce is just a formality and no biggie. Now, had he gotten married and neglected to tell you he was still not divorced, that would be a problem. If you're already divorced in your mind, it's easy to forget you haven't done it in the courts.
Author tinktronik Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 Ditto Imwithher. My sadistic mind would try something like renting a kid or four (maybe twins) and having them come over and call you 'mommy' then look at him and say "Oh, did I forget to mention...." Very funny considering I already have a 4 , 5 and just turned 7 y/o .Im not sure when I'd have had time to have the other 4 but hey it is worth a shot. I don't believe he's ever outrite said he'd signed off on it . But yeah he'll get it done now . I'm irritated , okay more than irritated .I wanna smack him in the back of the head for this. Weve lived together for four years. Known him 5 , while we were getting our divorces , but we were just friends.I guess I just assumed he'd finished up.
RecordProducer Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I guess I just assumed he'd finished up. And he didn't have the heart to tell you that you're wrong!
ImWithHer Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I'm irritated , okay more than irritated .I wanna smack him in the back of the head for this. . Go ahead. You'll feel better.
933KJL Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I would never date a separated guy. Only divorced ones. Hey Nicki--wann have dinner sometime!
nicki Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Sure, would love to...hey you aren't recently separated, are you?
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