WonderingNow Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 My MM and I are having an emotional affair right now. We might change that within the next few days to a physical one. What are your opinions? How would sex change things or can you relate your experience?
travellingman Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 My MM and I are having an emotional affair right now. We might change that within the next few days to a physical one. What are your opinions? How would sex change things or can you relate your experience? how do you know it's about to change? that often happens when neither is expecting it to
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Of course! Even a kiss will drive you wild with desire. I've been there - and it's a painful journey. Don't do it!
Meaplus3 Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 My MM and I are having an emotional affair right now. We might change that within the next few days to a physical one. What are your opinions? How would sex change things or can you relate your experience? I am kind of in the same boat. Having a EA with a MM for about 4 month's now. I think Sex would change thing's and I know this because we have fooled around a bit. For me just a little of that has taken the relationship to a new level. I would love to go a step further and I think we are on the verge of this however I am not so sure I can go through with it. I would say to you do what feel's right and when it feel's right, just my personal opinion!
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 My MM and I are having an emotional affair right now. We might change that within the next few days to a physical one. What are your opinions? How would sex change things or can you relate your experience? I don't mean this harshly, but the answer is kind of obvious. You have feelings for this MM and you being female should know that part of sex and intimacy. OFCOURSE it will change things even more. I'm just surprised you asked. Maybe I'm wrong and you really don't know or aren't thinking clearly. Think before you decide to do this. You will be ruining your MM's wife's life, his life and most of all YOUR LIFE. The heartache and pain you're about to inflict on yourself will be bad - More than you'd ever expect! Go read a whole bunch of threads in this section before you decide to jump into bed with him. This situation (though you can't see it now) you're putting yourself in is going to cause so much pain for you. Get used to being put second or third, or even fourth on his list at some point. Be prepared to be alone on holidays. Be prepared to deal with the fact he'll probably never leave his wife for you. Be prepared to deal with his wife WHEN she finds out about this affair. ... And so on. I really wish the best for you in life, but right now you're about to make a mistake you'll never be able to take back. The only way to save yourself is the feel and deal with the pain NOW. End it and walk away. seek therapy if you need to and find some single man who will love just you. A man who isn't married and belonging to someone else.
travellingman Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Get used to being put second or third, or even fourth on his list at some point. Be prepared to be alone on holidays. Be prepared to deal with the fact he'll probably never leave his wife for you. Be prepared to deal with his wife WHEN she finds out about this affair. ... And so on. sweeping generalization there WWIU while I'd guess over half of all affairs involve at least one person being overly optimistic, I also know a happily married couple that started as an EA, so to assume all affairs are alike is no way to help people
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Yes I am generalizing. Ofcourse I am, I haven't a clue of her real situation, but honestly, I'm trying to put her OFF of making a mistake that she may very well regret someday. That is all - I'm trying to open her eyes. I'm not going to advocate or help her into an affair with a married man. She can go about and read this section and see for herself what some of the OW have gone through. 9/10 ALL the OW who have posted here end up feeling and saying the same thing. So, how wrong am I?
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I would say to you do what feel's right and when it feel's right, just my personal opinion! Hah! If you want do what feels RIGHT, then you'd walk away from this relationship! I just cannot believe there are people who can double talk like that. Let me tell you, if you are here to learn a thing or two, being in an affair with a MM is not going to bring you the happiness that you crave. Most MMs lie. Especially those who have been married 20+ years and hang out with girls young enough to be their daughter. I apologize if I offended anybody in this forum. I am so ticked when someone would encourage an affair. It is a selfish act, no matter how "in love" you are with the MM. Do not say that it is RIGHT - it is NOT right! And I am an OW, too.
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I would say to you do what feel's right and when it feel's right, just my personal opinion! Sorry, but that is just selfish thinking! I agree 100% with KHLF.
Blind Illusion Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Sex usually changes any kind of relationship. Married or otherwise. Probably because you can't go back to the stage you just left. It's hard , anyhow.
Sami_D Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 How long have you been in the EA? Is it an EA, or are you 'friends' about to cross a line? I mean... does he say he loves you? Do you love him? Is he wondering about leaving his wife? Or are you just about to get deeper into something that has a limited shelf life (it ends when you can no longer take it, or his W finds out)? What do you want long term from this..? 'Fun'... or something more? Is having sex with him going to get you nearer your goals, or nearer heartache..? Or where..?
SoleMate Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Is having sex with him going to get you nearer your goals, or nearer heartache? Great question. Any prospective OW answering this honestly and with intelligence and awareness could not fail to turn away.
WonderingNow Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 What I really want is "fun". We have talked about this being a casual relationship and I'm OK with that. I don't want him to leave his wife at all. We have been in the EA for 2 months, so not long at all. No, I don't love him and we don't say we love each other (much too early for that). It's so hard to turn away, although I know I should. Thanks for all your replies. I'm going to see him this weekend so we'll see what happens.
Shoestring Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 WonderingNow - I have just finished with a 'fun' relationship. It only ended because we got caught out by a work colleague, however we didn't love each other, however what we had was special. I feel a bit sad that it is over because I don't think we were ready to end it so suddenly, but I am not devasted. The most I suffered was tears to well in my eyes, but did not burst into hysteria. He seems to have a sad look in his eyes too. Now that it is over, my head has to say that I would not go back, but I do feel there is 'unfinished business' that will always be between us. Essentially, even though it was only a physical affair, there must be some connection of some kind. Just my thoughts.
Curmudgeon Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 You could get pregnant! That would certainly change things, don't you think?
Seen_It_All Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 "Fun?" Why can't you have 'fun' with someone that isn't taking the chance of devastating an innocent woman and his own children - all for the sake of 'fun?' I've been an OW but I have to admit, it's really sad to know there are people in this world who don't even CONSIDER the fact that their actions have the capability of destroying others.
Curmudgeon Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 ...it's really sad to know there are people in this world who don't even CONSIDER the fact that their actions have the capability of destroying others. Did you, or is this just hindsight?
Jessie61 Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 What I really want is "fun". We have talked about this being a casual relationship and I'm OK with that. I don't want him to leave his wife at all. We have been in the EA for 2 months, so not long at all. No, I don't love him and we don't say we love each other (much too early for that). It's so hard to turn away, although I know I should. Thanks for all your replies. I'm going to see him this weekend so we'll see what happens. Wondering Now, If you can honestly put your hand on your heart and say that you would be "OK" with a casual relationship, then you're a stronger (don't know if that is the right word?) person than I am. However, I hope you're not fooling yourself to think that you could be "OK"...? I don't care if you want to say that to ME, but you have to be honest to YOURSELF! How do you know now that adding sex to the equation won't make your feelings grow deeper? What will you do then when he won't leave his W? I suspect that sex would change everything!!! If you ARE honest about being so cool about it, then why don't you actively CHOOSE to walk away to save yourself heart ache? I was an OW and I would not wish it upon anyone!
Sami_D Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 What I really want is "fun". We have talked about this being a casual relationship and I'm OK with that. I don't want him to leave his wife at all. We have been in the EA for 2 months, so not long at all. No, I don't love him and we don't say we love each other (much too early for that). It's so hard to turn away, although I know I should. Thanks for all your replies. I'm going to see him this weekend so we'll see what happens. The thing is... that there is always the possibility (inevitability) that 'fun' can turn into something much more. And at that point, it becomes very hard to walk away. I think you need to think very hard about this... *listens for the sound of another train wreck*
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 What I really want is "fun". We have talked about this being a casual relationship and I'm OK with that. I don't want him to leave his wife at all. We have been in the EA for 2 months, so not long at all. No, I don't love him and we don't say we love each other (much too early for that). It's so hard to turn away, although I know I should. Thanks for all your replies. I'm going to see him this weekend so we'll see what happens. If you want just 'fun', I'm sure there are plenty of SINGLE men out there to just have a casual non-committed friendship with. No, I don't love him and we don't say we love each other (much too early for that). It's so hard to turn away, although I know I should. Use your head, not your heart/hormones here. YOU do not love this man, yet you are going to take him for yourself, knowing he has a wife and is married. Possibly even has children...YOU have the power to make it NOT happen. Also, by saying "it's too early for that" has left the option in your mind open that you WILL fall for this guy...It's only a matter of time...So, why even open that door? Why put yourself through the pain of it all? You're not so far in yet, there's time to get out. Please think about this before you make the biggest mistake ever of your life.
WonderingNow Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Thank you for all your replies! Sami, I won't be another train wreck. I have read many things on this forum and I know what you mean but I won't let myself be another one. I have thought about this a lot and I know it will change things but I am prepared for it. WWIU, thank you for all your words. I always like reading what you have to say. Why do you think it's the biggest mistake ever in my life if we both want to take it to the physical level and I'm prepared for not having him in my life forever? Yes, it will change things but I'm not expecting anything from him. Jesse, I am ok with a casual relationship at this point. If we do have sex, and it changes things, then we have to discuss it and see what happens. I don't know if that makes me "stronger", it's just how I feel at this point. We're planning on getting together this week.......
lovernotafighter Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Thank you for all your replies! Sami, I won't be another train wreck. I have read many things on this forum and I know what you mean but I won't let myself be another one. I have thought about this a lot and I know it will change things but I am prepared for it. WWIU, thank you for all your words. I always like reading what you have to say. Why do you think it's the biggest mistake ever in my life if we both want to take it to the physical level and I'm prepared for not having him in my life forever? Yes, it will change things but I'm not expecting anything from him. Jesse, I am ok with a casual relationship at this point. If we do have sex, and it changes things, then we have to discuss it and see what happens. I don't know if that makes me "stronger", it's just how I feel at this point. We're planning on getting together this week....... It looks like your mind is set..so welcome to the boards,I have a sneaking suspicion we will be see plenty of you in the future.
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 WWIU, thank you for all your words. I always like reading what you have to say. Why do you think it's the biggest mistake ever in my life if we both want to take it to the physical level and I'm prepared for not having him in my life forever? Yes, it will change things but I'm not expecting anything from him. You aren't expecting anything from him now...But you will in the near future. You won't be able to help it or control it. When you two finally sleep together, things will change to a deeper emotional level for you (maybe him too) and that's just going to complicate things even more...Right now is the time to end it and walk away with abit of pain...In 3-6 months it will be harder to end it without getting your heart broken. You deserve more than just sex and having him part time in your life. You need a man (not married ofcourse) who will give freely to you, love and respect you without anybody else getting hurt. By sleeping with him, you are participating in the future hurt of his wife (and kids, I can't remember if he has any...) and being a part of destroying their marriage. The choice is yours ofcourse, but I really hope you take the time to think things through. Go read more posts by OW and in the infidelity section of all the betrayed spouses. Neither of you right now can see outside the box and see all the pain you both will cause eachother and his wife.
OzGirl Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 My MM and I are having an emotional affair right now. We might change that within the next few days to a physical one. What are your opinions? How would sex change things or can you relate your experience? Don't even bother. Woman generally associate sex with love. IF you end up madly inlove with him, then you will be sad that he chooses another woman's life over yours. IF you end up madly inlove with him, and he gets caught, he will rush back to the wife, and you will be humiliated, devastated, and sad that he has dumped you to save his marriage. Chances are, he'll torment you further by both (a) not bothering to actually say to you "this affair is over", and (b) will continue to contact you with the "I miss you" line of lip-service, which will just make you live in tormenting, punishing hope. IF you think you can just have meaningless sex for nothing but physical gratification then fine - go ahead and make your own day. But, you said it's already emotional. Sleeping with him will take your emotions to the next level for sure and it will probably be great. But, where does it end up? A stitch in time saves nine... get a boundary on how far you want to take this because the pain will be scaled up, too, only 100 times worse when it ends. Statistics say if he was going to leave his wife, he would do it within the first 12 months of meeting you. If he's not already on that fence, and he gets to know you and it's an easy fall off that fence to the new side, then, I'm sorry, men won't jump over the fence. My advice, in all it's biased glory - maybe let him be a good friend, but leave it there. He IS being a good friend by encouraging your relationship to remain as platonic as possible.
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