lilly36 Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 TB- you seem like such a nice guy, why are you putting up with her BS? I think you should dump her....you don't need to be with someone who you are constantly questioning and who makes you question yourself....and the sex isn't even good or maybe it is good, but infrequent... if it's like this now, what will it be like in 6 months...a year??? save yourself the continued problems and dump her...you deserve someone better. AND, she sounds like the type that will realize what she had when it's too late, so don't let her sneak her way back in, either! Good luck!
Author tanbark813 Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 and the sex isn't even good or maybe it is good, but infrequent... if it's like this now, what will it be like in 6 months...a year??? Yeah, we've only been together 3 months. It's not like we're a middle-aged married couple.
catgirl1927 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 DUDE. Seriously. You're too good for her. You seem like a nice, smart, funny guy. Do better. It will be easy. You deserve SO much more...
Lights Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I don't think I can say anything that hasn't already been said here. Support should go both ways in a relationship. Something's either broken and/or incompatible. Good luck.
allina Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I don't post here often, I'm more of a lurker, but I wanted to suggest maybe just coming out and saying something along the lines of "I see you putting no effort in here, is there a problem or do you just want out?" Good luck and keep us updated. And you're from the SF area like me, there are a lot of great women here if this doesnt work out =)
amerikajin Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 TB, Man, I know our respective situations are different but I do see some parallels between your situation and mine. That's to say, the girl is with you, but you're not entirely convinced she's there for the long-haul or for the right reasons. I can't say dump her, because in the end that's a call you've got to make only when you're ready to make it. It's possible a stronger connection may develop, but I certainly wouldn't count on it. Be prepared to look at this objectively and be prepared to move on if necessary. However, Alpha and company are probably right, as they've been with regard to my woman. Right now, your girl is in a 'kinda-sorta-maybe' relationship with you. She doesn't know what she wants from you, but she will do just enough to keep you around so that you don't run away from her and take away one of her options. Women - especially hot women - like options, it would seem. Make sure that you're always option A.
alphamale Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Trust me, I'm like a girl in how much affection I like to give and receive. Thats nice... but generally girls don't want to date girls (unless they are lesbian).
kitten chick Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I agree. Second time. What is this world coming to?
a4a Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 TB we have so broken up with you gf! When are you going to join us?
magda Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 a woman who really like a man will want to f*** him 24/7. period. HAHHAHA. Tanbark, I think she's gearing up to break up with you. The one-armed hug said it all.
johan Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Tanbark, I think she's gearing up to break up with you. The one-armed hug said it all. I wouldn't jump to conclusions here.... I don't remember him posting anywhere that she actually has both arms. All the other stuff, though, I agree with. I understand your need for more closeness with her, but she isn't offering it. She doesn't want your help with the move, doesn't even want you there until she's got it all arranged, and she's keeping you away from her family. Those are not "I love you" signals. Not sure you should respond how I respond in these situations, but I tend to back way off when I get this kind of treatment. I suppose a clean break is better, but I don't tend to want to give the impression they even got to me that much. She just wouldn't hear from me for a few days. And if I didn't hear from her, then I figure "enough said". If she did come around, then I would keep some emotional distance until I got something real out of her. Otherwise, "enough said". Who needs the stress of going through all the discussion with someone whose heart isn't really in it anyway? Why give her the satisfaction of thinking I cared more than she did? When it comes to a girl like that, I don't see the point. I'm more than happy to just drift away and try to forget my feelings on my own time.
alphamale Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 If she did come around, then I would keep some emotional distance until I got something real out of her. whould a blow job qualify as "something real"??
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Otherwise, "enough said". I read this and thought it said "enough salad". I thought that was hilarious and am filing it away as "obscure inside joke that no one else in the world but johan will get." enough salad.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 Not sure you should respond how I respond in these situations, but I tend to back way off when I get this kind of treatment. I suppose a clean break is better, but I don't tend to want to give the impression they even got to me that much. She just wouldn't hear from me for a few days. And if I didn't hear from her, then I figure "enough said". If she did come around, then I would keep some emotional distance until I got something real out of her. Otherwise, "enough said". Yeah, I still haven't heard from her. I didn't call last night because I was still thinking about things and didn't really want to talk to her until I knew what I was going to say. The more I think about things, though, the more it bothers me. It wasn't me! It was the one armed hug!
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I read this and thought it said "enough salad". I thought that was hilarious and am filing it away as "obscure inside joke that no one else in the world but johan will get." enough salad. And I thought it was because of your avatar! Yeah, I still haven't heard from her. I didn't call last night because I was still thinking about things and didn't really want to talk to her until I knew what I was going to say. The more I think about things, though, the more it bothers me. Don't talk to her unless you're ready to. You want to be prepared and detached abit more...If your frame of mind isn't ready you might blurt and it will come out all wrong. Just talking from my own personal experience...
Author tanbark813 Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 So I just talked to the now-ex gf. I wrote myself some brief notes so I wouldn't forget anything. I basically ran through a list of issues that really bothered me. Stuff that I've posted on this site. Surprisingly, she let me say everything I needed to without interruption. I said that given all these things, it's clear I'm not important to her, that she doesn't want to integrate me into her life, and that we're not compatible. I told her that given all that, we shouldn't see each other anymore. She then asked for a chance to retort without interruption which I gave her. She explained that she did care about me and that she didn't want me to meet her family under "rushed conditions" since she didn't plan on being at the family function very long. I said that it, to me, is the ideal time because there's no pressure like there would be at a planned dinner. A lot of the explanation she gave for issues were things I've heard before and don't really mean much to me because she still hasn't shown me I'm important to her or she wants me a part of her life. As far as humbling me, she says she doesn't want me to feel bad but that sometimes what I put out there is too much and she can't take it all in. I'm not entirely clear on what she means by that but I think I have a general idea. We each said all we needed to say and got off the phone. No tears or sadness in her voice. I suspect she thinks I'm bluffing or will change my mind. Maybe the reality will set in in a few days. The ironic thing is the conversation in which we've given each other the most opportunity to speak our mind is the one in which we dissolved the relationship.
alphamale Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 The ironic thing is the conversation in which we've given each other the most opportunity to speak our mind is the one in which we dissolved the relationship. Good riddance, I say....you're a good guy TB813, you'll find someone more appropriate soon. Being a straight male in S.F. can't hurt either
catgirl1927 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Good riddance, I say....you're a good guy TB813, you'll find someone more appropriate soon. Being a straight male in S.F. can't hurt either :lmao: Seriously. I love San Francisco. It is the coolest city EVER.
Raven1845 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 You look like one of those hot alternative singers. There's another lady right around the corner for you, I'm sure.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 You look like one of those hot alternative singers. There's another lady right around the corner for you, I'm sure. Thanks.
kitten chick Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Please Raven, don't inflate his ego. Sorry but it had to be done
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