RedRose3373 Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Hi I have been dating my new man for almost 1 1/2 months now. THings were going GREAT & things were perfect. We both said that we found the one! Things couldn't get any better then they were for the first month. Well we went down the shore & spent the night together for the first time. First he said he woke up with a bug & he was 2 hours late picking me up. Then he asked if we could order in & just hang out in the room. When we got down there, we did go looking for a restaurant. THe first one we came to, he didn't want to go in cause it was a japanese restaurant & he didn't want to sit at a table with people. So we found another place. AFter dinner we went looking for an ice cream place, he said if there is a line of people he doesn't want to stop. It was just really strange. Then, i knew he had chronic back pain & he was in major pain threw the night. We didn't even fool around all night. He has been sick like 2 or 3 times since i met him a little over a month ago. THen he is a sponsor for his cousin & he told me over the weekend that he is going to cancel on him cause he might be sick! That too just seemed strange. So Sunday came & he dropped me off & went home & slept for a few hours. So last night i asked him if he was ok cause he just wasn't himself. He said he just felt like cutting himself off from the rest of the world this weekend. He said he has a lot going on now, his health is not good. He said that he wanted to take things slow cause going from having no one to having someone takes getting used to & adjusting. Could he be a hypocondriac & afraid of people? This might be a problem, but i'm not sure, i'll have to be very cautious now. I know its not me cause he's always telling me how wonderful i am & how i am the best thing that ever happened to him ever! He always told me how beautiful i was & he can't find a thing wrong with me, etc. E My mom thinks that there may be a problem, & thats why he's 41 & still single. Any advice ? Any one notice any weird actions here?
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 My mom thinks that there may be a problem, & thats why he's 41 & still single. I can't think why she would come that conclusion Any advice ? Any one notice any weird actions here? Maybe it's weird, maybe he's just sick and out of sorts today. Instant love is all very sweet, but I agree with your mum. I would strongly advise you to take it one step at a time. And wait for the 6 month mark before making a binding decision - people always put their best foot forward in relationships, and it is 3-6 months before you get a rounded picture of the real them. In the meantime, have fun, get to know him better. And reserve judgement until you have enough facts.
amerikajin Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 You need to find out exactly what's ailing him. It is not normal for someone his age to be sick all of the time like that unless there is a chronic condition, in which case you should be made aware of it. I think it is normal for someone to not immediately reveal what they consider to be their chinks in their armor, so to speak, but at some point anyone with private health issues which may affect the relationship must reckon with them. Certainly if he's making some long-term plans. It will then be a mutual decision as to whether the relationship should continue in light of any problems that may exist.
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Now you have a choice. If you like him and want a relationship with him then be supportive and gently suggest to him that he can open up to you when he's ready to. Don't push... I'm thinking he has anxiety of some kind - Hense the crowds, the line-ups etc. And maybe some depression. He may have gotten used to being alone and yes, these new outings and dating you takes some getting used to.
brashgal Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 He sounds set in his ways, not afraid of people although I might agree with the hypochondriac diagnosis. He's already setting you up for not seeing you next weekend - seems to me like you are never going to be a priority in his life.
MadDog Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 This guy sounds like two things: 1. A guy who wants everything catered towards his mood (e.g. let's not go here, the lines are long) 2. The ultimate flake Maybe if he grew up and realized that: 1. He has to be considerate of his date (e.g. there might be a line but you really feel like ice cream) 2. Showing up late and cancelling all the time is rude Then he might actually: 1. Be able to make you happy in the long term 2. Not piss off everyone in his life.
blind_otter Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Wouldn't it be awful if you later found out he had cancer or something? And he really was sick? Yikes.
Author RedRose3373 Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 Hello THanks for all the advice. He doesn't have cancer, he went for all kinds of tests on his back. He has chronic back pain & he ran 6 miles on the tread mill friday night which probably aggrivated his back bad. He hasn't ran in over 2 months so that probably was the cause. He has told me that in his passed he has been on medication for anxiety. I have too about 5 years ago & took meds & now its gone! So i know it could be helped. This friday his cousins are coming from Italy for 2 weeks & staying at his house. So i don't know how much of him i will see anyway. I talked to my friends & they told me not to read into it. They said it could be a problem or it could be just that he didn't want to be around people cause he wasn't feeling well & didn't want to deal with them. I guess i'll wait & see what happens. It has only been 1 month. We will see what happens in the future!
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 There you have it. Anxiety...Explains his actions or non-action about going out and feeling comfortable. I know alot about this due to the fact I am an anxiety suffer myself, too. Take things slowly and please!! Don't label him and the relationship as "perfect". It isn't perfect. You just got out of a long-term situation, so there's the main reason to take it slow...And also it's just good to take your time and get to know this man. You may have deep feelings for him and all, yet you don't really know him that well either. Don't put yourself in a situation where you feel obligated! Meaning no matter what you feel if this man isn't right for you, don't stay with him and ruin chances of your own happiness.
Author RedRose3373 Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 Hi Ok now that i had a day to think everything over & get my friends opinions & u guys too, i think i might have jumped to conclusions over the weeekend. I think my man was just in so much pain that he just didn't want to be bothered with crowds of people on sunday. I mean i thought about the full month that we first met, & he never once acted strangely around people. I just think he was in pain this weeekend. My best friend said that when she has menstral cramps, she doesn't even want to look at her own husband. Which i agree. When i have cramps i don't want to be around anyone either. So i'm letting this go. Also my man does have chronic back pain that i'm sure hurts him everyday which doesn't mean he's a hypocrondriac. I think I jumped too fast this time. I guess him not acting himself & the relationship still being new, just made me scared. Thanks for all your advice guys! I'm just a little paranoid! hahah He just seems too good to be true that i am looking for negative things!
daphne Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 i think i might have jumped to conclusions over the weeekend. From what I read, I think so too. Maybe you want to stop listening to your mother because she sounds like my dad. Trigger happy and paranoid. If you spend enough time with this guy, you'll get to know whether he's got issues that are too big for you. Right now, it just sounds like he was in pain. I started dating someone once and I got sick over and over. I felt like a hypochondriac myself (well, except I would end up going to the er). I also broke my wrist during that time so I had about 4 months of repetitive hospital visits and dr visits. I don't remember my guy ever questioning whether I was a hypochondriac though. Sometimes, a cigar's just a cigar.
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