zarathustra Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Yeah, after recognizing that we have feelings for each other, I encouraged him to focus on his family, that he has too much to lose if anything was started. I must have told him a thousand times. If it stopped there, I would have lived life knowing I found a special friend out in the world that I have fantastic conversations with and I would have never thought that he was mine as he never gave me his heart and I didn't give him mine. But once he started making promises to me and ensuring me that things will work as we will commit to it heart and soul, I started believing him and the biggest mistake was believeing in him. I guess that's when either choice I made would have lead to some sort of regret in some way. The most hurtful was that at the end, he said that a future with me seemed bleaker and bleaker. That really hurt. I guess if he is meant to be mine and I was meant to be his, then we would be available to each other one day. Otherwise, it was never meant to be. But given what he said at the end, I guess he will never be and I may never be able to forgive the hurt that he's caused in my life.
Walking away Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Again, I am so sorry for your pain. It is SO hard, I know. To really believe and WANT those dreams to come true. It is all in timing I think. No one knows that the future holds for you or for me. But, you are strong, as are many, many OW. I trust that you, I and everyone going through what we are going through will make through this stronger and wiser. I MUST believe that.
zarathustra Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I believe that too. Sometimes its hard for me because I wonder why I am on this earth. I'm not a mother to any children (at this point, I don't want to be.. I'm messed up enough). But I have to trust that I'm here for a reason, else I'll just go insane.
Walking away Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 You are stronger than you think. I follow your posts and you inspire me. You are further in your path of recovery than I. The SITUATION messed you up...YOU are not messed up. You are fabulous and strong. And, there is a great purpose for your life. I believe that there is a great purpose for EVERYONE's life. Keep your chin up.
zarathustra Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Thanks for your compliment, WA. I see you as my inspiration too. I've cried so many tears for this man that when I don't think I have much left, I find that I have more. Before I told my story, i always thought that if I shared what I had gone through, people would just judge me and and dump on me because I'm a worthless homewrecker. Thanks for the boost. Take good care of yourself and I will hold up my chin as long as I have friends like you in the world.
Walking away Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I, too, feared judgment from others when I first started posting. But, overwhelmingly, I have found empathy, support and solid advice from others who walk in our paths or have walked there in the past. Yes, I am your friend. Remember that.
kpin124 Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I do hope that your pain lessens every day. It truly is a tough road that we walk. Yes, we CHOSE it, but the illusion of the affair really does entice we women in. My MM pursued me also. I fought the affair from the moment I found out he was married (2 months into the relationship). I don't think these men realize the destruction that they are causing until after the affair comes "out." Then, they are horrified at the turmoil and destruction they/we have caused. Truly, no one wins in an affair. No one. I just wanted to say that my mm as well pursued me...... we were friends but he is the one that started saying flattering things to me and telling me how beautiful i was and how much he wanted to meet me... very smooth he knew exactly what to say and how to get me where he wanted me....... we actually had sex the frist time we meet ( i am very ashamed to say) i always pictured the first time meeting at a restaraunt well no that was not the case..... i do miss him i miss him alot and i can't help but think that sooner than later he will come crawling back to me after the dust settles with his wife and i just don't think i can put myself thru that again.... I have having trouble with my h right now and (i know i am going to get bashed for saying this but o well) when i have sex with my h i see mm i picture him not by choice that is just what runs thru my head basically he is always on my mind. i listened to his voice mail he left me today and just cried to hear his voice it made it all come back to me how i feel when i am around him and how he treats me....... i know i am rambling now but i just needed to say these things and get them out of my head! i am so glad i have found this place for all the support..... i don't think i would be making it still if i hadn't found this site.
Walking away Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 We are here for you. I feel as though we are kindred spirits in this mess...
lovernotafighter Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 you guys are great !! I felt stronger just reading your posts..thank you ladies :-)
zarathustra Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I, too, feared judgment from others when I first started posting. But, overwhelmingly, I have found empathy, support and solid advice from others who walk in our paths or have walked there in the past. Yes, I am your friend. Remember that. Thanks, WA... I am your friend too. I only hope that one day we can all meet up after a few years go by, drink up and look back at these dark days and celebrate how far we've come.
zarathustra Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I just wanted to say that my mm as well pursued me...... we were friends but he is the one that started saying flattering things to me and telling me how beautiful i was and how much he wanted to meet me... very smooth he knew exactly what to say and how to get me where he wanted me....... we actually had sex the frist time we meet ( i am very ashamed to say) i always pictured the first time meeting at a restaraunt well no that was not the case..... i do miss him i miss him alot and i can't help but think that sooner than later he will come crawling back to me after the dust settles with his wife and i just don't think i can put myself thru that again.... I have having trouble with my h right now and (i know i am going to get bashed for saying this but o well) when i have sex with my h i see mm i picture him not by choice that is just what runs thru my head basically he is always on my mind. i listened to his voice mail he left me today and just cried to hear his voice it made it all come back to me how i feel when i am around him and how he treats me....... i know i am rambling now but i just needed to say these things and get them out of my head! i am so glad i have found this place for all the support..... i don't think i would be making it still if i hadn't found this site. Kpin, I'm sorry to hear your pain... I really mean it. It may be a good idea to let you MM know not to contact you until he is free of his wife. These MM, they are an addiction. Its best to think that he won't come back to you, at least not in the way you want. You'll heal quicker that way. You'll make better life decisions too. I kept wondering for a while when my xMM was going to tell me he made a mistake, that things didn't change at home and that his W is as mean as ever... then what? Then I asked myself if I could go thru the pain of being with him again and I knew that for my sanity and for self preservation, I could not. He took everything good in my life when he left. He took away a roof over my head, he took away love in my life, he took away everything I treasured... without hesitation. That was how much he loved me. I think that with regards to the troubles at home, maybe you should focus on whether or not its worth the while to work on you m or not. Take your time. Keep remembering to breath every so often and just know that things can only get better.
kpin124 Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 thank you for your support..... it is really good to get support on here. that is why i come to this site! I am just really having a hard time right now and i don't know what i am going to do if he does contact me.... i am very weak when it comes to him and if he called me today i would run back to him and i hate that..... i should have more self control but i don't when it comes to him.... i have tried to open up and just talk with my h the last couple of nights and he just shuts me out and that is the one thing i could always do with mm was talk that is what i am missing the most right now i just need someone to talk to......... just breath that is what i tell myself just breath
Walking away Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Keep posting. We are here for you. I find this site very therapeutic in getting my anger and pain out. We all support you. Big hugs....I am thinking about you. I know how you feel...
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