Curmudgeon Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 Yesterday I spent several hours using the shredder. The target was about eight inches of legal documents, letters, forms and files related to my former divorce in which I successfully represented myself against two attorneys the ex ultimately used. The divorce took place 12 years ago, the ex lost custody of our youngest daughter two years ago and now, all of our children are legal adults and the youngest will graduate from high school in two months. That will also signal the end of child support which I now provide her directly. It was a great feeling. I did keep copies of the final settlement and, above all, the divorce order (need them for retirement and Social Security purposes) but that's it. None of the rest matters any longer and it felt quite freeing to dispose of it all. It was nothing more than hundreds of pages of bad memories that have no place in my life now. What a lovely closure!
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 2, 2006 Author Posted April 2, 2006 Isn't that the truth. That marriage lasted 27 years, 25 of which we were together, so I'm no spring chicken. Next up is retirement, moving to the opposite coast and settling in for a comfortable life with my wife for as long as we have together.
hurtbeyondwords Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 with a forum full of heartbreak it's nice to hear a success story
jerbear Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 new chapter in life, retirement. Letting go of the past, my you have a great future!
johan Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 That's great, 'Mudge. But I'd be more concerned about the present wife. That insurance thing is spooky. I seriously wonder what she's up to.
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 What she was "up to" was common sense. Insurance is a great commodity when you're young, raising a family and want to protect their future. We're none of those things and all our children are grown, employed and independent. The $300 a month we were spending on premiums is far better invested for us.
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 Well, when you're old, tired and burned out like I am, I'm sure you'll be able to. I've been working since age 13. That's 47 years and I'm ready for a rest.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Hi C! I'm confused. If you've been working since the age of 13 - you'd have worked more than 47 years, I'm sure! Congrats on opening a new chapter in life. I've only been married 10 years and I already feel that it's been an eternity! This past year has been very, very difficult for us, especially me. I think it was the 10-year mark, and it made me want to crawl out of my skin and start something new. I'm not sure I'm over the panic yet... but how did you do it?? 27 years to one woman, and then 12 years with another? How do you deal with those anniversaries... knowing that there will just be more of the same thing in store? Sorry, these questions are sort of off topic. But I'd appreciate it very much if you could enlighten me. BTW, I'm 33 years old.
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 LOL! Just how old do you think I am? I'll be turning 60 in a few months, not 80. I only hope to last that long. It was 25 years WITH the ex and 27 years of marriage. My wife and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary in November. Dealing with anniversaries is simple. The only one that counts is the one with my wife. Of course, I can remember the other but that day can some and go, as can the date of the divorce, the ex's birthday, etc. and chances are I won't even think of them unless something reminds me like shredding all the divorce documentation. Unfortunately, I'm cursed with encyclopedic recall going back to the age of about three -- people, dates, places, events, etc. Some things are better forgotten! At age 33, ten years seemed like an eternity to me as well (I married the ex when I was 23). Now, the almost ten years I've been married to my wife seems like just yesterday. The older I get, the faster time flies. My hope is that it will slow down when I retire. I guess the central answer to your questions is that marriage to the ex was a chore and weighty obligation. Marriage with my wife is a breeze in comparison; no less obligatory and committed but far more enjoyable. Of course, we're empty nesters which makes a huge difference. PS. I have two children older than you are.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 I can't remember when my marriage is ever a breeze. It always feels like an uphill battle. Whenever our anniversary rolls around, I'd feel more frustrated. I can't imagine living like this for another ... 15 years?? Sorry, I had to rant on your thread.
Blind Illusion Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Best of luck and how impressive that you represented yourself against two attorneys.
2sunny Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 C=Lion You are an amazing man - God I love you and your posts! Just sorry about you moving cuz now it will be further away. Maybe when you do move we can get you to promise that you will still visit with all of us here by continuing to post.... when you aren't too busy traveling and such! When do you retire and move? Soon? Keep up the inspiration for a good life - for the rest of us that need good men like you to socialize with....
CastingPearls Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 CM, how I would enjoy a long evening with a shredder! My divorce was final 2 months ago after 25 years (a few of them good) but it's too soon to dispose of anything. Truthfully, I just want to lock all the documents up in a closet and not look at them or think of them for a long time. I am glad to hear that someday I can look forward to sounding as healthy as you. I wish I could fast forward to where the divorce is just a painless old memory but I'm sure I'll be close to retirement before that happens. Happy for you, though! CP
Sassy Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Congrats to you on that chapter of your life closed. Nothing like having closure to a realtionship .
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 It's not imminent. I'll be retiring in just over four years. The way time seems to fly not that I've gotten older, it will be upon me in no time at all, especially as I've already worked for about 47 years. Four more will be a breeze. I'm right where I wanted to be professionally when I began this career 16 years ago so I'm quite content. There's some rumbling about pushing me higher before I retire but I'm not sure I really want that. We'll see what happens if I get a firm offer at the end of the year. Either way, I'll always be as close as a keyboard.
burning 4 revenge Posted April 22, 2006 Posted April 22, 2006 Yesterday I spent several hours using the shredder. The target was about eight inches of legal documents, letters, forms and files related to my former divorce in which I successfully represented myself against two attorneys the ex ultimately used. The divorce took place 12 years ago, the ex lost custody of our youngest daughter two years ago and now, all of our children are legal adults and the youngest will graduate from high school in two months. That will also signal the end of child support which I now provide her directly. It was a great feeling. I did keep copies of the final settlement and, above all, the divorce order (need them for retirement and Social Security purposes) but that's it. None of the rest matters any longer and it felt quite freeing to dispose of it all. It was nothing more than hundreds of pages of bad memories that have no place in my life now. What a lovely closure! You would have been better off spending your life with my pillow.
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 22, 2006 Author Posted April 22, 2006 I'd have been a lot better off financially (to the tune of about $200,000) but less better off emotionally. I also lost half my retirement funds but the divorce would have been cheap at twice the price. All's well that ends well!
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