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Was I Wrong to Say This...


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Posted

An old boyfriend and I have been emailing and phoning back and forth for about a year. We were together in early high school, broke up, and he found my email from my old college's website and contacted me. We've seen each other once in the past year. We go to different schools about 2 hours away from one another. We've been meaning to meet more often during our breaks. He actually made plans with me twice, and had to break them both times because of family stuff. I have no reason to believe that he's lying. His family is large and rather complicated. The last time he broke a date was around New Year's. I was bothered by this, and decided to go out with someone new.

 

I've been in this city since October, for school - a post-grad certificate program. It's still pretty new to me, and it's been a hard adjustment. I haven't met many people from school, as we're downtown w/o a campus environment. Many of the students are older women. It's been tough for me, and I think I've been trying to cling onto my past. Anyway, I was upset with him for breaking the date. I decided to have dinner with the new guy, even though I really wasn't interested. The kicker: who was working at the restaurant, but old bf's brother! I know that he saw us, but he was in and out of the kitchen a lot, and didn't really come near our table. I wasn't sure that he would even remember me, but it kept nagging me. I figured he'd definitely tell old bf he saw me with this guy. I didn't hear from him after that - it was the longest that we hadn't talked. I really missed talking to him, and felt bad about the restaurant encounter - figured he'd gotten the wrong idea. I gave him a head's up email - just to ask how he was. Kept it brief, didn't mention the restaurant. We started emailing again. In the last email, he said we should go out sometime, and he'd call me this weekend. He wanted me to let him know when was a good time. I said, jokingly, "yeah, we should get together sometime, but are you sure family obligations won't get in the way this time, lol?" I said "jk," and that my family can get pretty demanding, too. I don't know why I said it - part of me was still hurt, I guess - but, later, I read it and cringed. I know that family is a sore subject with him because of his parents' divorce and remarriages, but it just seems like they rule his life sometimes. Even the time that we did meet up, he was 10 mins. late because he was at a family barbecue, and his mom didn't want him to leave.

 

Now, I'm worried that he won't call me because of the comment that I made. He hasn't called me yet (I said I'd be home during the day on Sat., and Sun. afternoon). I feel pathetic, waiting and worrying, but I'm honestly so tired of being in this city, so lonely. I'm also unsure about my future - I'm not really happy in this school program, but I feel that since I have only 5 mons. left, I need to complete it and try to get into a job. This city is the best place for jobs in the state, so I'm going to feel compelled to stay here. It's just not how I imagined my life to be, and I guess I'm trying to find a way out of it. I'm so tense, I don't know what I'm saying or doing anymore. I really do like this guy. But, I'm seriously out of practice. I always either don't say enough to guys or say the wrong things. I only meant this as a joke, though. I don't think there's anything I can do now. But, from those that are more experienced in relationships - would you be offended by this, or would you take it in stride? Maybe he's just busy (with his family :D) and I'm just overreacting. But, honestly, I've never seen someone so wrapped up in family stuff. He recently dropped out of school to take a job in our hometown, so I expect it will get worse. Maybe it will be a good thing if he doesn't call. I do like him a lot, but I wish things would either move forward or end - I don't want to be strung along, even if those aren't his intentions. Any thoughts, advice? Sorry this is so long. :o

Posted

It's good to keep in contact with people, but sometimes it is hard, and in relationships, I think family is the biggest problem.

 

I am in a relationship now where family is the ONLY problem- but it doesn't tear appart at our love.

 

Give it a few days, and if he's willing to completely not respond to you, and not talk to you- because you made a joke about his family, can you imagine what it would be like in the future, if the two of you were to hook up and have to deal with -family- together?

 

Try not to trouble your self- you're in college, and you should enjoy it. Have fun, join clubs and activies around campus. Meet new people. Meeting new people will take your mind off of him, and you'll learn that there are other people out there who want to make you happy- who are just as good with conversations.

 

I know having someone to talk to, to share problems and joys with, it makes you feel good and warm and fuzzy and loved, but if all your putting in ends up with negative feed back, it'll only hurt you in the end, just let him go... and just try to enjoy life.

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Posted

Thanks for the advice, Jlyn.

 

He did call me last night, left a message (didn't seem bothered by the family comment). I replied to him by email - I communicate best that way, and I wanted to lay out what I was feeling and find out where he stood. I said I'm not sure if you just want to keep in touch with old friends, or you're looking toward a relationship. I said either way is cool with me, but I want to know because I am wanting to at least work toward a long-term relationship. If he's on a different page or he doesn't have the time for a relationship, then I said to let me know.

 

I'm pretty confused by his response: "I wouldn't mind spending time with you and see where that takes us. I guess let me first say I am not looking for anyone. So, that being said, my intentions are not directed towards dating. But, I wouldn't mind having a relationship...I hope this clears up some confusion."

 

What does this mean?? His intentions aren't directed toward dating, but he wouldn't mind having a relationship (?). I know that my email was pretty forward, but I wanted to know what he's about. Like I'd said before, he has cancelled dates because of family stuff, and also sometimes when we're emailing back and forth, he'll just stop and not respond until a few weeks later, like nothing happened. I know a couple of the times he was troop leading, but it seems like he trailed off like he wasn't interested, then comes back again - it's almost always him that initiates the conversations. Anyway, I basically said in my last email: I also wouldn't mind spending time together and seeing what happens. I clarified that I didn't want to get hitched right away or anything, lol, but I also don't want to be an old maid. He hasn't replied back yet, so I'm not sure what he'll think of that. I am feeling really honest lately, lol. Still confused at his comments - maybe he's talking about a sexual relationship? Anyone care to translate this guy-speak?

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