WeaknPowerless Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 I'm at the 4 month mark. A long 4 months mind you, and I can say that today is infinitely better then day one. While I am happy enough today, I can write this semi-unbiased. LoveShack: Besides the invaluable advice, encouragement and support, I think a reason why this place really works (for me), is that communication and dialouge between people. Not just friends and families, but unique and "different" people, just like my girlfriend was. I miss that. We came from different worlds, and it was exciting for me to have someone new in my life in every aspect. I find just reading here, because of our similar circumstances is that LS fills that void to a certain degree. While I have been talking to new people lately, I'm not ready for that next step in real life, but this place keeps me from being a hermit too much. Because it's been 4 months, a reasonably lengthy amount of time, I no longer should be holding onto missing her love. It wasn't there at the end, and I don't want to grasp at false truths as to why I am still sad, but it makes me wonder why we can't all, after a indetermined amount of time, look at the people around us and let them fill the void that our ex's left. Some of this is not possible of course. There is a sexual void left, but honestly, in my case, as much as I miss it, I miss sex with her, not in general. So asides from that and my understanding that she no longer (or maybe never honestly did) loved me, shouldn't my self esteem say "Fine, so be it, I have great people around me and they provide everything you ever did, just minus a few perks)"? I've accepted so many things about all this, and I don't expect it to dissapear just because of it, but what the heck is keeping some of these feelings lingering around? A bruised ego, I can deal with. You lied about wanting marriage/kids/moving away and all that. It hurts deeply, but I'm not stopping my life to weep about it everyday. What else did you take from me to keep this rollercoaster of sorrow alive? Does it all come down to self esteem and how honest we REALLY are with ourselves?
hurtbeyondwords Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 This might sound silly but did you forgive her? Without forgiveness your mind will never let go. I know first hand. I am starting to forgive the hurts. The more I do, the better I feel.
Author WeaknPowerless Posted April 2, 2006 Author Posted April 2, 2006 I know what you're saying, but I have not completely forgiven her. I've accepted things I need to accept. I guess that's being forgiven to a certain degree, but some things, at this point in time, I just can't. Not with what we had planned and what the relationship seemingly was all about. And it's not just my own pre-concieved notions. Things she said and wanted. I can't let go of a few things right now, even though it would be healthier. I have to let some time pass first.
riobikini Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 RE: Weak&Powerless: " Does it all come down to self esteem and how honest we REALLY are with ourselves? " Yep! -I'd say that's where it's at! Good to see you doing better....and figuring things out. (Smile) -Rio
AltplanB Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 yea i hate the feeling the of the lies too dude. How she said "I love you." How she said it before I did because I was guarded against this kind of bulls***. Then after all the crap she puts you through, she reasons with, "I thought i loved you." Its terrible and i still struggle with it, but their are people out there that are emotional takers and their are people like us that are emotional givers. If you feel bad, consider yourself lucky. Because I was on steroids, i was emotionally vulnerable and was sent into a very deep depression that i have been trying to live with, without anti-depressents. Just remember a couple of things: dont ever talk to her again, dont ever let her get to you, and dont ever let anyone have you trust your feelings to them without full confidence in their return. good luck.
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