dprelz Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 She broke NC after 3 months. Just to checkup or say Hi I guess. Now i've been back to day 1 with thoughts and dreams of her. Obviously I haven't really let her go. I can't. I stop talking to her, deleted her completely and tried forgeting. She ends up in my dreams. Every potential girl I look at aren't half the woman she was. This is the one I wanted. It sounds stupid, but my brain believes it to be true. I mean it is pathetic, espicially since this is her 2nd boyfriend after me. I'm clinging onto an imaingary person that only exists in my head. The past seems like yesterday, but it is so long away. I've tried it all. Working out, working, lots of time/talks with friends/family. Going out talking to women, hobbies, drugs, drinking. I still think of her and how she made my life better. I don't miss having a girlfriend, I miss her. I miss her:(
deepimpact Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 Hi there, It looks like i feel just the same as you do. I dont feel like meeting new girls, i dont feel like going through all the things ive gone with her with another person. We have been together too long it seems. I remember her wherever i go whatever i do. There were even a few girls who openly wanted to get closer with me but i wasnt interested. I actually dont know how to get out of this situation. Btw, i heard that she's getting married with someone else.
lola1 Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 Its so nice to hear that men too have deep feelings and are affected like women are by break ups but i dont mean to sound heartless about your pain. Time is a great healer..nothing will seem to work at first when you are in so much emotional pain its like grieving..but over time you will laugh again and one day you look back and cant remember when you started feeling fine about the world again and will meet someone special again who means more to you than the last...promise..
Author dprelz Posted April 2, 2006 Author Posted April 2, 2006 Hey, thanks for the replies. I knew posting that the only real answer would be more time, and I know this is true. It's just so unbelivably frustrating and emotionally draining to want something so bad, everyday. I wish I had a time machine to go back to when she was in love with me and tried to fix whatever problems she had.. I miss her terribly, and although most of the time I'm content living alone and concentrating on myself, every step of the way I think about how much better it would be with her by my side. It has been so long, all that is left is memories. I can tell by her voice that she isn't in that place anymore, and I really think I've lost my chance. How can I go to the mall and see and talk to girls and everytime think in my head "she isnt half the woman my ex was". It sounds so stupid and illogical because obviously there are a lot of great woman out there. But my heart overides my brain and that's how I feel.... Stuck in this stupid cycle of pain!
meltwithme Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 She broke NC after 3 months. Just to checkup or say Hi I guess. Now i've been back to day 1 with thoughts and dreams of her. You don't know it but this helped me alot. I can't imagine why she would even 'just say hi' ??? you know what f*** that ... f*** that for real. Don't let her mess with your head, look what its done to you already. You know you would be much better if you just let this one go mate.... for your own sake, don't answer her calls anymore and find someone who appreciates you more than she does.
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 You really shoulden't feel pathetic for constantly thinking of her, My ex is on my mind all the time and it has been 8 months for me. The dreams pop up every now and than, and when I wake up I feel to hazy, and weired out, I meen they hurt so bad. Just be strong, thats what im trying to do
maxine Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 You question everything that your feeling but it isnt abnormal to go through any of the feelings that you are experiencing...you will compare everyone to her because you still care for her and wish it was all the same but the truth is things have changed. One day you will meet someone who makes you forget her and you wont crave for her anymore,the new person will be so great and make you happy that you will wonder why you felt so bad now ! That day make take weeks or it may take months there is no set time but it will happen for sure...so live each day as it comes...
AltplanB Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 i am going through the same s*** as you guys. She moved on very quickly and wanted to be friends with me. I was destroyed and have been for 6 months. I fell into a depressed state in which i sleep too much and dont go to class. Every few months, she calls and leaves a message saying hi and apologizing for how i feel and that she wishes she hadn't hurt me so much. Only makes me feel worse. I loved this girl more than anything and i just couldn't shake that she was with other men and sleeping around...which she was. She doesn't respect herself but at the same time, she doesn't want me to rescue her. She thinks i am a great guy, but because im not "the one", she doesn't want a romantic relationship with me. It hurts so bad to have so many memories with someone that you love only to be told that you aren't the one. It also didnt help that i was doing steroids at the time which made everything 10 times worse. I think that she realizes now that i am just as f***ed up as she is. Shes bulimic and is very emotional. I tended to see the glass as half empty. Now i am fully depressed...Sleeping in till 1:30, not going to class, not eating, basically being a pussy. Oh and recently i found out one of my ex friends that met her through me just slept with her. Awesome. She was a bad pick for my first love. I can tell that now. My parents and family are tired of my state and want me to chipper up or f*** off. im only 21 and this experiance has left me looking like a 25 year old needing sleep. The last contact i had from her was a week ago when she sent a message that i immediately deleted and then a friend(whose done helping me) called her back at 130 in the morning and said to never call me again as i was drunk and passed out. Well i guess i wont recieve anymore messages anymore from her. This thought makes me feel terrible at my weaker moments but then at times when i feel better or am balanced, i feel that it is necessary. Ive been told that every person feels that their breakup was the most traumatic in history. Well i am one of those people. I was only with this girl for a year, 6 months ago, and here i am pining over her. She said that we had a very intense relationship that seemed to have nowhere to go but for the better. We'll s*** that happened in both of our lives tore us apart. Her dad died while we were going out. I did steroids. we transfered to different colleges. I lost my college sport because of injury. She was strapped for money. It was a bunch of s*** that basically sucked what she felt for me out of it. Next thing i know she tells me that i am more of a brother now then a boyfriend. So she left me. Ive been looking into anti-depressents but all my friends say they will f*** you up even more. Sorry this is so long but if someone wants to give me their 2 cents on anything i said, that would be cool.
deepimpact Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Hi there, Everybody says here that this situation needs time. I think its quite right. I also think that you are too young to despair that much. You just need some new stuff to keep your mind busy. My advice is "go start practicing martial arts". That was what i did at your age. You will learn to use your body and if you like it you'll feel much better in no time then good things will happen. Whatever you do, just dont ruin your health. Stick with your good old friends, they will help. Btw, i am also having problems similar to yours...Read my post above. Be sincere with yourself.
incubus075 Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I feel exactly the same way and its been a year for me. Althought I was never strong enough to go NC. I wanted her in my life. She is on bf #3 but we dont talk very often. For many months it I was devastated and would spend way too much time in my head and just staring at the wall. The one thing that got me thru it was physical exercise. I ran 3 miles 5x a week. Wound up going a couple of hundred miles. Plus it made me feel good and got me looking even better which raises my stock. Although I still have a hard time imagining myself with someone else and looking at other girls just makes me think of her. But Ive been forcing myself to date to get out there and try to move on.
CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 Healing for some is easy. For others, they have to hit rock bottom. I know you're tired of the "mind over matter" adage, but that's really what it comes down to. When you're tired of wasting your life away living in the past, over what could have been, then you'll start to heal. If you read my Guide to Second Chances you'll notice a lot of it has nothing to do with the ex. It's mostly about healing yourself. The state we end up after a relationship fails leaves us a shell of what we used to be. We need to get ourselves back into the right state of mind and body before we're able to love anyone else. And please don't downplay professional Counseling. I have gone myself and it works wonders if you are honest with yourself and the Counselor.
lola1 Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Altplan.......Dont go down the anti depressent route ! Your depressed naturally because of what you have been through and what you are still going through so let your body get back on track over time. Anti depressents will just hinder your recovery as you may learn to think you NEED them to feel better. Think of the people who make you laugh and spend time with them..if you do not feel like going out dont at first dont give yourself a hard time. When i went through a bad time laughter was what made me feel better...but over time, when i felt down some days i stayed in and felt comforted by not having the pressure of being sociable,so take your time, slowly over time you will laugh again and feel better. You may have had a bad experience with this first relationship but it is not the end of the world and you will meet someone again who makes you feel all the great things that this ex did and probably better!! Smile once a day at least even if it is to yourself and dont sit and analyize what went wrong just get through the day and have a plan to get back on track..if you are in alot at the moment read books that may help...one great book is Feel the Fear and do it anyway!! Smile !
Author dprelz Posted April 6, 2006 Author Posted April 6, 2006 thanks for all the replies, i appreciate it so much.. I’ve been contacting her ever since that phone call, and can safely deduct that she does not love me anymore. I asked her if she has a new boyfriend and she said "not really". Then I asked her about these poems she wrote for me on a secret site(that I found one day when I was high as f*ck) and she said "that was a long time ago". Finally after so many months of secretly waiting for her to come back after using STRICT NC, i see the truth. The past 3-4 days I've had a new perspective and I'm going to try and meet someone. I've wasted so much time, fighting for her, fighting with her and secretly fighting my mind in an effort for reconciliation. The amount of pain and suffering I went through to make her see how much I cared is absolutely amazing. Literally everyday I was miserable and depressed, weak, powerless, secretly waiting for her to realize just how much I loved this woman. I knew she didn't care that way I wanted her to care, and she doesn't love me anymore. It hurts to say that. Look I've been through every stage, back and forth for a LONG TIME. No contact ONLy helps you if you let them go. If you go no contact and still secretly wait for them to come back, NC will screw you two fold. Firstly, as each day passes she will forget you more and more. The chances of her finding someone else in this vulnerable state are increased. Second you aren't really doing what you are supposed to be doing in this time. You have to dwell on the past and develop your new identity and personality. It's hard, because all I've known for the past 3 years was how to love her. Make a logical statement in your head that you cannot argue with in your brain. If we were really meant to be together; we will eventually be together. In the meantime I have to get on with my life and be strong. Overcome this obstacle as if it were anything else I have been battling my whole life. or She doesn't love me and does not appreciate me. There is someone out there who does. Each day wasted thinking about the past is one more day of being without this new and better love. Thinks like that help me because then it shuts off my brain. I kept repeatedly, and I mean repeatedly kept fighting and remembering when all I had to do was let go and realize whatever happens.. happens.
AltplanB Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 dont ask where i got this: Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if it's right, and they're real lucky.
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