lovelorcet Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Would just like to speak up as I was with her for 10 years, LD through 4 years of college and I never cheated and I had a lot of opportunities. Now here is the kicker there was a study published last year which compared the variance between the X and Y chromosome and based on that the authors could convincing show that yes, woman cheat more often then men where a child results. Not that I want to highjack this thread but I should find that paper again… ;-)
catgirl1927 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 True to our nature? I hate this excuse. Can I use this excuse if I decide to pee in the corner of a crowded room instead of in a toilet? Can I use this excuse if I decide to kill someone just because I think they MIGHT be threatening a member of my family? Cheating is a concious choice blamed on and/or excused by citing an ancestry that never possesed a tenth of the mental capacity we have today. I don't think people should cheat, but I accept that some will. Just call it what it is and don't make excuses. YAY!!! I agree with this a million percent. I hate that, "I'm a man, I can't be expected to control myself like an adult" crap. Bad people are bad people. Good people do bad things, but they learn and don't do them again.
Raven1845 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 YAY!!! I agree with this a million percent. I hate that, "I'm a man, I can't be expected to control myself like an adult" crap. Bad people are bad people. Good people do bad things, but they learn and don't do them again. ABSOLUTELY!!!
Author phillips Posted April 6, 2006 Author Posted April 6, 2006 Do people ever regret cheating? It does not matter the gender ....today woman cheat as much as men do.
catgirl1927 Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 Do people ever regret cheating? It does not matter the gender ....today woman cheat as much as men do. I am of the opinion that they very much regret being caught cheating. But I imagine that MOST find a way to justify the cheating.
Author phillips Posted April 6, 2006 Author Posted April 6, 2006 The person who cheated on me told me that i'm not the one for them after keeping the lie for three month....cheated on me twice in one month only told me about one found out about the other. Then said they did not want to hurt me stayed with me ..things were well until came to visit her in florida after being with me for four days saying how she wants to be with me gives me a gift ...i go and visit her tells me less than 24 hours that she has never been inlove with me and does not see herself with me in the future or ever. We were together for 1 1/2. what do you think?
Mz. Pixie Posted April 6, 2006 Posted April 6, 2006 I am of the opinion that they very much regret being caught cheating. But I imagine that MOST find a way to justify the cheating. I've been in the position of cheating at one point in my life, and there are TONS of posts from me on this site regarding the subject. You could research and read them if you care to. Cheating is not justified ever in a situation but people sometimes make mistakes that they are sorry for. To the original poster, yes, they do feel guilty- at least some of them do. I certainly didn't feel guilty because I got caught, I felt guilty after the fact for doing it at all.
Author phillips Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 Hi everyone, It has been almost a month and the person who cheated on me and told me they never wanted to be with me just emailed me. The email said that she wants me to know that she is thinking of me. And hope I'm doing well. What does this mean. Why write me to tell me this ? AM I suppose to reply to this? She is the one who hurt me and lied. What do you think she wants ?
Chinook Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 results in a lack of trust. Why would you reply to her email and open yourself up to another shot at a relationship like that...? She emailed to see if she can still 'get you', to see if she can 'engage your emotions' and to see whether you'll take the bait. My 2p says you should walk. (I couldn't find the cent icon on my UK keyboard!)
Sassy Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I have never cheated on a GF or my then wife.. and never will.. Sorry Britt.. you cannot paint guys and cheating with such a broad brush. Just what is it that you have in your pants ?.. Are you offering it to them trying to get them to cheat ? Art the same goes for me ..i have never cheated on anyone ever !! I have always been the one cheated on .
loveling Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Art ... I agree I have never cheated on a GF or my then wife.. and never will.. Sorry Britt.. you cannot paint guys and cheating with such a broad brush. Just what is it that you have in your pants ?.. Are you offering it to them trying to get them to cheat ? I have never cheated nor been cheated on.
Author phillips Posted April 24, 2006 Author Posted April 24, 2006 My ex got in touch with me again over the email. I decided to call her. It enden bad..I broke down and express how much she hurt me...finding out that she is seeing someone else.It hurts...i wanted to share this email that i sent and was sent back from her. please let me know what you think. I wrote this "Things have been said and done. You have moved on and you made it more clearly than ever. There is a lot going on with me right now and I just want to move on. I am hurting enough and i blame myself for allowing it. Soo please just leave me alone...you have said enough things to me. You are not my friend and what we had was not a relationship or a friendship. Just take care of what you need to do and don't contact me . I am letting you go and I have not contact you soo please do the same especially after everything that was said. You actions showed that your contacting me was not genuine. You wanted to know how i am feeling ...well you got the reaction you wanted so move on." Her response was i hate you for being so angry . i fear you resentment and anger , there is much worst things , your words neutralize me , and make me fear for your emotions . even if somehow i wished things were done different . your wish will be respected , i turn a final page on you , with regret but obviously needed . you don't have the spirit !!!!!! of understanding or reason . be well have a good life tc liliana She wrote as well if you truly would wanted to be left alone , you would not have come over. you would not keep answering my mails . i think you need help !! that's all .......................... i am not saying your are crazy , but you letting your feelings and emotions overcome you . you do not have the control of it , and it's running you down . if i didn't give a s*** i would not make the attempt to check on you !! what do i gain after being dishonest to keep in touch with you !! YOU TELL ME !!!!!!!!!! NOTHING REALLY !!!!!! SO YOU STOP THE BULLs*** !!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ME . there is nothing to change about you , just embrace the way and whom you are first . you are beautiful , wonderful person . who doesn't truly know it . you are not a victim , you victimize yourself . learn how to truly love yourself . I wrote back Liliana i am not crazy I am hurt and of course how can you understand when you are the one who hurt me. Understand and reason to what? Noo I don't ....i would not do what you did and I think what you did was cruel and cold. Call it whatever you want . I confide in you and trusted you soo yes I feel betrayed and allowed you into my heart ...because I trusted you and that was my wrongdoing. For you to think that I would hurt you and what you said at the end ...hurt me. You said that I was not ready for you nto tell me it was over you are right ...because you continue to the end pretending that you want to be with me .....until you were ready at your own terms. Soo please lets stop the bulls***....it is obvious that you don't give s*** about me but yourself. Enough with the conversation. You have someone new in your life so enjoy it. I will keep in mind that there are worst things. Thank you for you pleasant thoughts. I don't want to continue talking to you especially how i am feeling right now with what is going on in my life. I don't hate you ...never have...it is the opposite and if you had any feelings for me you would know this. I have left you alone ...you are the one who got in touch with me. I don't want someone in my life who treated the way you did and said such cruel things in a vicious matter. You knew exactly what you were doing and i do want someone who cares about me. I honestly wish you the best and always have. Soo lets stop this now. I have alot of things i need to figure out and want to change. Right now I want to be left alone. Last email from me I had to say one more thing I'm not answering your mail and have not.And i have not tried to get in touch with you. I regret expressing anything to you about how i feel. And i had asked you not to be in touch..I told you I am not feeling well.... you decided to contact me and pretend that you care. Writing all this to me and being cruel show me otherwise. I am mad and hurt.....you are the one i will express that to...you are the who I had a 'relationship' with. how dare you say that to me. Thanks for you sweet words once again.
Author phillips Posted April 24, 2006 Author Posted April 24, 2006 What do you guys think of me emails please view last posting of me to read the rest. Why would someone email you to see how I am doing after the fact that they had moved on. Telling me that they are thinking of me and I did not respond then wrote back again ...knowing that I'm not ready because I'm still hurting. From the emailed sent it showed a lot of coldness towards me. It has been a one month 1 1/2. Once she arrived in New York that is when she emailed me. Only when she is in town. I also spoke to her and told me to get over it it has been 1 month already. I had ask her before not to contact me ....i am devasted.
mental_traveller Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Cowardice, pure and simple. They lack the intestinal fortitude to leave an unfulfilling relationship before taking up with someone new. Sometimes that's true but not always. In other cases they can be perfectly happy with the relationship, but lack the discipline & willpower to control their urges. That's why people are more likely to cheat when drunk - having 5 beers doesn't make a relationship any worse, but it does reduce people's discipline, reduces their consciousness of consequences, and also exaggerates their animal urges.
mental_traveller Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 I read a good article about monogamy. It related a lot to cheating. The gist was this: Nobody wants to be monogamous- but they want their partners to be. >sigh< So true. Monogamy is a choice we make- it's almost a sacrifice. Not everyone seems to be able to do this. Untrue. Some people want to monogamous, usually when they love someone and so would rather respect them by being faithful than sleeping around. If you really love someone, then it's actually more self-fulfilling to be monogamous than to have other lovers. Monogamy is only a pain in relationships where you are't in love.
mental_traveller Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 I've both cheated on partners and been cheated on in the past. In my very humble opinion it has to do with low self-esteem and a high stimulus threshold, like any addiction. You engage in this tabboo behavior in order to feel fulfilled in some way, because for whatever reason you feel your life is boring, unfulfilling, or just generally unhappy. WHile I agree with a lot of your post, I guess the question is why don't people look for this fulfilment in their partner? I mean even just sexually, sex is generally way better (not to mention much easier to get!) in a good monogamous relationship with someone you are in love with, than outside it. Also there's the question of why hide it? If you feel the need for "taboo" behaviour, why not just tell your partner early on before you agree to be faithful? There are plenty of people out there happy with open lower-commitment relationships. Why not date guys who want no strings etc, why go for the whole relationship thing if you just wanna sleep around? Makes no sense.
mental_traveller Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Ladies ladies ladies One thing I have come to realize in the past well 9 months, Is that I think EVERY single guy will cheat, It takes a really strong moralized person not to cheat. Why do I say this? well because I have had people in 2 year relationships sneak to me, and try to get in my pants..LIterally 5 guys have, and these were guys that I thought would never ever cheat on some one, because they loved their girlfriends too much? Now guys can love you, but guys can also cheat on you even the opportunity is given. :-( sorry guys Have to disagree with this, having had the opportunity to cheat and not taking it.
mental_traveller Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 What do you guys think of me emails please view last posting of me to read the rest. Why would someone email you to see how I am doing after the fact that they had moved on. Telling me that they are thinking of me and I did not respond then wrote back again ...knowing that I'm not ready because I'm still hurting. From the emailed sent it showed a lot of coldness towards me. It has been a one month 1 1/2. Once she arrived in New York that is when she emailed me. Only when she is in town. I also spoke to her and told me to get over it it has been 1 month already. I had ask her before not to contact me ....i am devasted. I think you're an idiot. Don't CONTACT someone saying you don't want to contact them - that's like running to a burning house and pouring petrol on it saying "Hey, I came to help put out the fire". The way you "don't contact" someone is to not write in the first place. BLOCK her email, DELETE all her contact details from your email, Instant Message programs, cellphone, address book etc. Change your phone numbers if possible. DO NOT ever contact her again. Go out and pick up a few girls to get over her. Stop trying to tell her how you feel. She doesn't give a s*** and even if she did, who cares? She cheated then dumped you. Basically you shouldn't give a tinker's fart about this silly moo. Move on already! Oh and the reason they contact is because they feel guilty. They tihnk if they write and see if you're "doing ok", that this means they're being caring and not just a heartless cheating SOB. They're trying to salve their conscience, it's a totally SELFISH motivation. But forget trying to work that stuff out. You are making the mistake of still caring about her. Caring why she did this or that, caring what she thinks, caring about her effect on you. Stop thinking and caring about her, remove her from your mind and your life, totally and permanently.
Author phillips Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 Thank you for being straight forward with me. You are right..I have to move on. It is hard due to the fact how it ended. This girl i trusted everything she said. It is not easy especially when i opened my heart to her. It does not help your self esteem. but you are right....she does not give a s***.
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