phillips Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 hi I am new to this...and i need advice. i was in a relationship for 1 1/2. my question is why would someone cheat on you twice within a month and knowing that you are not in love still stay with you? When you had every opportunity to leave when thay ask you if you cheated on them and deny it? I had ask this person if they had been with someone else and said no more than once. Why would you hurt someone you say you care about and not be honest? Do you think people that cheat feel soory for doing it or plain selfish?
lilly36 Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with this- I have asked myself the same question over the last month- my BF did the same thing to me.... I don't think there is one answer.... Sometimes, people cheat b/c they are unhappy with their life/relationship and cheat to fulfill something that is missing. Sometimes people cheat because they are bored. Sometimes people cheat because they suffer from sexual addiction (which is what I believe to be the case with my BF) Sometime they cheat because inside, they feel they don't deserve to be happy, and do things that are self-destructive and screw up their lives. Sometimes they cheat because, although they may like you, they aren't ready to be in a relationship, and so by cheating, they make themselves feel like they are still "free". (may also apply to the ex BF) The worst part is when, like you and I, they had several times to get out, and everytime, just kept leading us on. Partly because they were selfish, partly because they did like us and didn't know how to handle the situation properly. I think sometimes they feel sorry- some true sorrow, some just sorry they got caught. Here is something for you and I to remember-- not all people cheat. not all people are selfish. Good luck!
ddnnee Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 humans are polygamic by nature. we are no swans or albatrosses... instead we are more like lions. you know, one alpha male who have sex with all the females around him WHILE all the females around him is actually okay with it. your bf would be the alpha male and you are just one of the lioness. naturally girls are not happy with their current man. They will always want better beause we got the gift of ambition. IF you can get better, why not? if u can buy a bigger house, faster car, make more money, then why not? men would also get better girls if they have problems with their current gf.
Author phillips Posted April 1, 2006 Author Posted April 1, 2006 I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with this- I have asked myself the same question over the last month- my BF did the same thing to me.... I don't think there is one answer.... Sometimes, people cheat b/c they are unhappy with their life/relationship and cheat to fulfill something that is missing. Sometimes people cheat because they are bored. Sometimes people cheat because they suffer from sexual addiction (which is what I believe to be the case with my BF) Sometime they cheat because inside, they feel they don't deserve to be happy, and do things that are self-destructive and screw up their lives. Sometimes they cheat because, although they may like you, they aren't ready to be in a relationship, and so by cheating, they make themselves feel like they are still "free". (may also apply to the ex BF) The worst part is when, like you and I, they had several times to get out, and everytime, just kept leading us on. Partly because they were selfish, partly because they did like us and didn't know how to handle the situation properly. I think sometimes they feel sorry- some true sorrow, some just sorry they got caught. Here is something for you and I to remember-- not all people cheat. not all people are selfish. Good luck! Thank you. I just feel devasted.I believed and trusted my partner. Knowing my past ...still lied and cheated. Even when there signs that i should have left i stayed...like when my partner will not like me to look at her while making love.. telling me that she don't feel the same but stayed in the realtionship because being told that she is scared and not to listen to them ignore the hot and cold behavior...she still stayed that is what matters...meanwhile this was the third time I heard this....I had told her I wanted her to leave before because I did not want to be with someone who does not feel the same. She left the decision up to me and i let her stay because I loved her. She always left the decision up to me. Not ever taking any responsiblity. she said at the end that she was honest...meanwhile i found that that she has lied to me this whole time ..finding out she had cheated on me twice and preceded to take me away and staying at the same place she had cheated on me with another person. Do you think that someone like this really cared about me? she told me the reason why she never said anything is because she did not want to hurt me but continue to lie to me when confronted with the question...having every opportunity to leave after talking about thing and thinking that we both had the same values. I was wrong and I feel raped.I allowed myself to trust and opened up to someone I felt safe with ...I am going to have ahard time trusting anyone anymore. I have a hard time understanding people like this ...what did she get out of this?
Curmudgeon Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 Cowardice, pure and simple. They lack the intestinal fortitude to leave an unfulfilling relationship before taking up with someone new.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 Curmudgeon, I believe you were refering to the OP's BF?? I agree with lily... there are many reasons why people cheat, and she made a pretty good list there. Now, the question is why you are allowing him to continue.... Run, run, run!
sosadami Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 my fiancee had cheated on me after being together for a year and a half. he was distraught about it and cried for days. i forgave him because i felt he had made a mistake. he said he was afraid he had a problem. then the following year he cheated again, this time he didnt sleep with her, but enough was done to call it cheating. again i forgave him and told him this would be the last time. this may we were supposed to get married but he left 3 weeks ago. he kept saying he wasnt sure if he could stay faithful and i deserved better. i should've listened all the times he made comments about needing to talk to a counselor or therapist. i think he struggles deep down with an addiction he cant stop. i believe with all my heart he really loved me and wanted to be faithful. its hard, i know.
Author phillips Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 I am in a relationship with a woman . Does that make a difference?
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I am in a relationship with a woman . Does that make a difference? Why should that make a difference? Do you think we impose double standards here on LS? Women can cheat for all the same reasons that men cheat. Some reasons are forgivable, many are not.
Author phillips Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 Yes you are right..cheating applies to anyone gay or straight. I was being a bit ignorant. Sorry and thank you.
KittenMoon Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I read a good article about monogamy. It related a lot to cheating. The gist was this: Nobody wants to be monogamous- but they want their partners to be. >sigh< So true. Monogamy is a choice we make- it's almost a sacrifice. Not everyone seems to be able to do this.
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 humans are polygamic by nature. we are no swans or albatrosses... instead we are more like lions. you know, one alpha male who have sex with all the females around him WHILE all the females around him is actually okay with it. your bf would be the alpha male and you are just one of the lioness. naturally girls are not happy with their current man. They will always want better beause we got the gift of ambition. IF you can get better, why not? if u can buy a bigger house, faster car, make more money, then why not? men would also get better girls if they have problems with their current gf. blech. As much as I give kudos to people who post things that I think are great, this one made me feel sick and left a bad taste in my mouth.
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I've both cheated on partners and been cheated on in the past. In my very humble opinion it has to do with low self-esteem and a high stimulus threshold, like any addiction. You engage in this tabboo behavior in order to feel fulfilled in some way, because for whatever reason you feel your life is boring, unfulfilling, or just generally unhappy. People involved in extra marital affairs probably have a habitual problem with looking outside of themselves for feelings of personal fulfillment and well-being. The high you get from a taboo new love relationship, and the whole complex system of escapism and distancing come into play. A background which habituated either party to higher levels of drama and emotional stimulation. A certain lack of respect for the sanctity of another person's relationships, and a habitual lack of empathy or an inability to view a situation from any perspective other than your own. Selfish, low self esteem, addicted to drama, feelings of low self-worth, emptiness, and an inability to look within themselves to find fulfillment. IN a nutshell.
catgirl1927 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Lots of reasons. Here's a good rule: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME. I can understand why someone would give a person a second chance. But the second time they cheat it is a behavior.
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Ladies ladies ladies One thing I have come to realize in the past well 9 months, Is that I think EVERY single guy will cheat, It takes a really strong moralized person not to cheat. Why do I say this? well because I have had people in 2 year relationships sneak to me, and try to get in my pants..LIterally 5 guys have, and these were guys that I thought would never ever cheat on some one, because they loved their girlfriends too much? Now guys can love you, but guys can also cheat on you even the opportunity is given. :-( sorry guys
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Ladies ladies ladies One thing I have come to realize in the past well 9 months, Is that I think EVERY single guy will cheat, It takes a really strong moralized person not to cheat. Why do I say this? well because I have had people in 2 year relationships sneak to me, and try to get in my pants..LIterally 5 guys have, and these were guys that I thought would never ever cheat on some one, because they loved their girlfriends too much? Now guys can love you, but guys can also cheat on you even the opportunity is given. :-( sorry guys And we all know what a reliable sample size 5 people is. This is simply not true.
TUDOR Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Is it cheating or just being more true to our nature.....could be argued either way. People cheat because they can.
Art_Critic Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I have had people in 2 year relationships sneak to me, and try to get in my pants.. I have never cheated on a GF or my then wife.. and never will.. Sorry Britt.. you cannot paint guys and cheating with such a broad brush. Just what is it that you have in your pants ?.. Are you offering it to them trying to get them to cheat ?
KittenMoon Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 True to our nature? I hate this excuse. Can I use this excuse if I decide to pee in the corner of a crowded room instead of in a toilet? Can I use this excuse if I decide to kill someone just because I think they MIGHT be threatening a member of my family? Cheating is a concious choice blamed on and/or excused by citing an ancestry that never possesed a tenth of the mental capacity we have today. I don't think people should cheat, but I accept that some will. Just call it what it is and don't make excuses.
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Sorry guys for replying to this thread which such a simple minded attitude, I am simply basing my experiences through some things, I answerred this thinking of stupid guys who have come to me, when having girlfriends. There for, I was thinking narrow mindely No all guys don't cheat, It's as fair on a womens part, as on a mans
KittenMoon Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Sorry guys for replying to this thread which such a simple minded attitude, I am simply basing my experiences through some things, I answerred this thinking of stupid guys who have come to me, when having girlfriends. There for, I was thinking narrow mindely No all guys don't cheat, It's as fair on a womens part, as on a mans At least (I'm assuming from your posts) you say NO WAY! I've known a few chicks who don't mind being the other girl (not event trying to steal the guy away, just to mess around!), and I find that just as despicable.
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 True to our nature? I hate this excuse. Can I use this excuse if I decide to pee in the corner of a crowded room instead of in a toilet? Can I use this excuse if I decide to kill someone just because I think they MIGHT be threatening a member of my family? Cheating is a concious choice blamed on and/or excused by citing an ancestry that never possesed a tenth of the mental capacity we have today. I don't think people should cheat, but I accept that some will. Just call it what it is and don't make excuses. I agree with this. I used to make the excuse that it was in my nature to cheat, that it was in everyone's nature -- but in all brutal honesty that's just what it was, an excuse. Yield not to temptation. Lest you fall on your face and everyone points and laughs and spits on you.
TUDOR Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 At least (I'm assuming from your posts) you say NO WAY! I've known a few chicks who don't mind being the other girl (not event trying to steal the guy away, just to mess around!), and I find that just as despicable. Think of it like a yard sale, what is one person's trash is another's treasure.
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 At first I really thought not all men cheated, but I'm speaking with a high school menality, and really shoulden't on here. I think all is fair in war and love, and It's just when get involved with all the wrong people, you start thinking the word " ALL ". but its not true
Raven1845 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 humans are polygamic by nature. we are no swans or albatrosses... instead we are more like lions. you know, one alpha male who have sex with all the females around him WHILE all the females around him is actually okay with it. your bf would be the alpha male and you are just one of the lioness. naturally girls are not happy with their current man. They will always want better beause we got the gift of ambition. IF you can get better, why not? if u can buy a bigger house, faster car, make more money, then why not? men would also get better girls if they have problems with their current gf. Just because someone cheats, it doesn't make the person they cheated with "better" than you. I've known many people who have cheated on someone that was definitely better than the person they cheated with. Some people just cheat. There doesn't have to be anything wrong with you in order for them to do it. Some people don't need a reason.
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