girlnotsure Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I have been with me h for a little over 7 years and i love so much, But he looks at porn online when I leave for work. Then he hides it. I have tryed to undstand, but I can't. I am so open when it comes to our sex life. What does marriage mean. See I thought it meant when to people love each other they want to spend their life together and share that feeling you get when you make love to someone thats its only with them. See I think your other have is the only one to make you feel that way. The butterfly in your tummy. I understand that no matter what that thier are going to be other woman that he thinks that are hot, that are sexy,that he gets hard to. What ever. I can understand that, but to look at porn to get feeling and not have that feeling about me just kills me inside. i have told him how felt he says he will stoped but didn't. People say... Wouldn't you have him look at porn then have another woman. He may not be with another woman but he still gets that feeling and you should only share that feeling with me. I understand that all men need to do it, but 3 or 4 time aweek. I just don't get it. I think I'm going to leave him. I can't stand this feeling anymore.
JadeStar Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 "I think I'm going to leave him" Whoa hang on, I understand you're upset, but do you feel this is a fixable situation? If so maybe you all should look into some marriage counseling on the matter. Alot of times porn is not the cause, but a symptom of a deeper issue. You all may want a thrid party to help get to what that issue might be before just throwing in the towel. Jade
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Is his porn watching interferring in your sex life? If so, then yes, he needs to slow down on the porn thing - But, if your sex life is good and he isn't choosing whacking off to actually have sex with you, I honestly wouldn't make this into a huge issue because we all, (women included, not just men) should be able to have our own private moments. Whether it be viewing porn, using a viberator, or good ol' masterbation, it is normal. If he treats you well, respects and loves you then let it go... If he is being mean, disrespecting you and your needs are being neglected then talk to him or go to couples therapy to work it out. Don't end a marriage because he is looking at porn and enjoying it. More than likely it's not about you! It's just fantasy. Don't compare yourself to those women in porn! He loves you, you are real!! Those women are not real and it's 'in the moment' which is not reality. What counts is how he is with you MOST of the time. Can I ask how is your marriage, minus this one thing, the porn?
Author girlnotsure Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 other then that marriage good. Can't help the way I feel.
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 So is he doing this out of spite? Against you? No...More than likely not. His actions are making YOU feel bad, so talk to him about it. Don't make HIM feel bad because honestly, he isn't doing anything wrong on purpose, but maybe if he understood how it makes you feel that he is jerking off to porn, he'll not to do it as often. With that being said, he should still be able to enjoy his "alone" time. Maybe it's best you didn't 'know' about it? I don't know. Don't take this the wrong way, maybe you need to work on yourself esteem, really trust him that he loves you and desires you. Again, him masterbating is something he just does, lots of sex or no sex, men just do it ALOT.
JadeStar Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 other then that marriage good. Can't help the way I feel. Its ok to feel the way you do, you feel hurt, its understandable. However, is he not wanting to be intimate with you? Would he rather look at these sites and is neglecting your needs? If so then yes, thats a problem in itself, but for the most part, men are visual creatures, and I'm by no means trying to justify what hes doing, nor push your feelings on the matter to the side. But sometimes if people can come to some kind of understanding on the matter might make things some what better. Maybe tell him you're thinking of counseling together. Do you think he would be willing to go, or do you think he feels theres no problem? Jade
tikigods Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Was this a problem before you guys got married? Have you talked to him about it? Its impossbile to believe that a person will never look at another person again once a wedding ring is around theirfinger, and while it might not be nakkied woman folk, you might look at a guy and think that he is hot (even actors or other celebs) Now if he to me the reason he is hiding it is because he knows how you will react, in fact your marriage is prefect besides this (according to you at least) and yet you are willing to up and leave him over it. I think you need to get into some counsoling (sp) and find out why this bothers you so much, as well as go together so you can work out other problems you have, like the lack of communiucation between the two of you. I would say right now that I think youare overreacting to this
catgirl1927 Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I have been with me h for a little over 7 years and i love so much, But he looks at porn online when I leave for work. Then he hides it. I have tryed to undstand, but I can't. I am so open when it comes to our sex life. What does marriage mean. See I thought it meant when to people love each other they want to spend their life together and share that feeling you get when you make love to someone thats its only with them. See I think your other have is the only one to make you feel that way. The butterfly in your tummy. I understand that no matter what that thier are going to be other woman that he thinks that are hot, that are sexy,that he gets hard to. What ever. I can understand that, but to look at porn to get feeling and not have that feeling about me just kills me inside. i have told him how felt he says he will stoped but didn't. People say... Wouldn't you have him look at porn then have another woman. He may not be with another woman but he still gets that feeling and you should only share that feeling with me. I understand that all men need to do it, but 3 or 4 time aweek. I just don't get it. I think I'm going to leave him. I can't stand this feeling anymore. I'm confused. What feeling are you talking about? What makes you think he's getting a feeling from porn? If this is that important to you and you can't get over it, and you're not interested in compromising, then maybe you shouldn't have married him to begin with. How long did you know him? This is probably something he's always done and it has nothing to do with you. I can completely understand how you feel, though. Men are allowed to do whatever they want and say it's their "needs". Women have to put up with it and aren't allowed to do the same things. It's really not fair.
michelangelo Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Do you really want to leave your husband because he's masturbating? If he is not neglecting his duties to you, this should be a nonissue. Are you saying that you never masturbate yourself? How old are the two of you anyway? Usually masturbation is done because it feels good, not a a rejection of a wife or a husband for that matter.
Author girlnotsure Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 I'm 24 and he is 27. And no I don't masturbate. I have tryed but sex is so much better, but I will masturbate with him. It's not fun by yourself.
michelangelo Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Judging the whole value of your marriage based on whether or not he masturbates seems a bit uninformed to me. no offense. You may think, but you would be way incorrect to do so, that he does it because he is rejecting you and wishes he had sex with other women instead. If he has sex with you and acts like he loves you and shares other things with you, then you need to see that. Just because you don't feel the urge to do it does not mean he should not.
catgirl1927 Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I'm 24 and he is 27. And no I don't masturbate. I have tryed but sex is so much better, but I will masturbate with him. It's not fun by yourself. Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and disagree with you there. Just because it's not fun for you doesn't mean it's not for anyone else. I understand how you might feel this way, but I think your reaction is a little immature. Sorry, that's just my opinion.
Author girlnotsure Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 I understand that people masturbate. You have to let it go sometime. When you have some to have sex with anytime you want why do you need to masturbate that much. He says I make him happy in and out of the bed room. Then why does he need to look at porn?
michelangelo Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 because he is a guy and it enhances the experience. I am sure there are women this is true for as well, but it is more generally true for men. While I am sure there are exceptions, it doesn't lead men to cheating.
catgirl1927 Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Men are visual, that's why he looks at porn. And masterbation is different than sex.
Author girlnotsure Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 His is a man and that makes it ok. It's not fair.
michelangelo Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Who says the "rules" are any different for women? Why do you want that kind of control over his behavior anyway?
Author girlnotsure Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 Because he is a man, thats not fair.
michelangelo Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 You did not amplify your comment at all. So if roles were reversed would it still be unfair?
Author girlnotsure Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 No I don't want control over his behavior. It just kills me inside knowing that he is getting off to other woman.
michelangelo Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Not the same thing. You really do not understand yet think you do. So you base your judgment of what is going on with your flawed way of thinking about it. So you are about to pull the plug on your marriage on a flawed way of thinking of what is going on? Why are you really wanting to leave your marriage?
JadeStar Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Maybe watch it with him? He might like that you're interested in it with him? Porn can sometimes be erotic for couples, but of course thats for 2 people who agree on it. Just a suggestion. Jade
catgirl1927 Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 7 years? and you're 24? So you got married at 17?
Art_Critic Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 7 years? and you're 24? So you got married at 17? Finally.. someone is putting it together.. Light bulbs clicking on
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