spingle Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Hi I'm at wit's end with my relationship issue(s) and don't know what I should do. A little background would be good to start off with. Lets begin. I'm recently 24 (male), and have only been in one previous relationship. It ended with myself being cheated on, insulted, and dumped. I thought we were perfect, or so it seemed. Needless to say, I was devistated and crushed. I'm sure everyones been there before, but I hadn't.. it sucked. I was 21 then. Moving ahead a couple years. I met this girl, online. Now, before you laugh at me, call me silly or remind me that "those never work", not true. What we have (much like a friend of mine has had for 2+ years and flourishing) between us is something very special. Although we have not yet met each other in the flesh, we've been "together" for about one year this month. I'm in Canada, she's in Florida. Not the "closest" but not unreasonably far apart. Anyway. Things have been going great. We've laughed alot, spent alot of time making silly faces back and forth via webcams, pissed away hour after hour via the phone, or skype. We've written eachother letters describing why we like eachother so; sent eachother gifts, helped eachother through hard (hard) times.. you get the idea. Two people from different parts of the planet, but not so different from eachother. We have had some pretty intense moments together, online. We've made plans about meeting and being together, although they ofcourse will not be easy, or cheap. You should have got a picture thus far. Two loves birds, far apart but closer than ever. Anyway. Things started to take a nose dive a few weeks ago. I went over to a friend of mine's house and hung out. This friend, being female. Just friends and nothing more. I did this twice, before the s*** really hit the fan. My girl, lets call her, Betty, was very upset about it, even though previously she was pretty calm and cool about it. I just wanted to take some time off from being glued to a monitor (total computer geek) to unwind. I didn't think there would be any problems.. but, heh. Wrongo. Betty stopped talking to me, for a few days. I had no idea what was wrong, because she told me it "didn't involve me", her issues, but she still wouldn't speak to me. I went through this for about 2 weeks. As you can imagine, going from close as can be to that.. really messed me up. I tried everything I could think of to fix it. I decided I wouldn't be hanging out with my friend anymore, because after all, I had no idea it would hurt Betty. But I guess it did, more than ever. I decided the best thing to do would be to send her an email, firstly and foremost, saying im sorry, and I loved her. I made a mistake. I explained all my feelings, and asked about hers. She sent back a lengthy reply, it was not the response I was hoping for. She told me she could not do an internet relationship anymore. How things would be too-hard, how it just wouldn't work out in the end, etc. Said she loved me too. I took that email as "le fin". I was pretty hurt, sad, and upset. But, I went along with it. I figured we were over, and I would just move on with my life. Nope. She contacted me again and wondered what was up. We talked a great deal, and she told me that everything she said in the email was not what she meant. ... huh? heh, yeah. She went on to explain that she wanted me, badly, and she should never have sent the email. I, still being pretty crappy over it all, asked her what she wanted; no bulls***. She told me she wants us to continue, to meet, to be together. I cautiously accepted and we sort of got back on track. Things just wern't the same, really. She got really involved in this role-playing game she loves so much, and that left zero time for me. One word replies, no initiation from her, 5% response to emails.. it just, sucked. I went on like this for about a week. I tried talking to her about it and she freaked out, saying how controlling and such I was being. She then stopped talking to me. A couple days pass.. Then, she did. We talked for about 45 minutes. She went on to tell me she "didnt have the same feelings for me she used to, she didnt know why, or how to get them back". I was sad, but.. yeah. We then didn't talk for the remainder of the night. The next day.. I was fed up. As much as I cared for her, I wanted to finish it. No longer could i go through this. So, I sent her a short but sweet "Dear Betty" email, with less than kind words. I forgot to mention. Before I sent this email, I spent the day thinking "yep, we're through". I ended up talking to Betty's sister on Yahoo!. Since we were "done", I asked a couple questions that I never would have. They were personal, but not exteme or anything. Anyway, then I sent the email. Betty immediately logged on to talk to me. She was livid. Well, more so surprised, very upset and crying.. it was bad. We talked, alot was said without thinking. I felt like I had made a huge mistake, and I still feel this way. (I've since said I was so sorry about 10,000 times) The next morning we talked again, calmed down. She said I hurt her.. but she forgave me, and said "I guess I did some hurtfull things too" and we discussed "us". Despite all the past things, we both more or less wanted to try and continue. But not before agreeing to a "2 week" time out period. It's been 2 days now. We really haven't spoken much (couple words). I've felt up and down, good and bad, worried and calm, happy and sad. I've been keeping myself busy though. She's still big into her role-playing game (even got married in it tonight to some other guy.. yikes, hello knotting stomach again (I still checkup on her, though she doesn't know heh)). Anyway!! Whew, long read. The advice I seek is; what should I do? Do these "time out" periods usually work? Do you think she cares for me, like I her (yes, somehow I still do, more than ever It would seem). I just don't know what to do with myself, and I'm new to all of this. I want to at least meet her, to see where we might end up. It's been a year (already, wow) I've had no doubt in my mind she's felt the same about me, at least, until recently. I'm not sure what she wants.. and I don't know if she does either. I hope things work out. So very much.. What do you think? Thanks for reading. I'm desperate. -spingle
dgiirl Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Hey Spingle, Ah internet love. I remember it like it was yesterday! I met my exh online, we were together for 10 years, so I know it CAN work just like any other relationship. The problem with internet romance is you can have this amazing chemistry online, and absolutely nothing in real life, and vice versa. You really need to meet her before committing to anything. You've been together for a year now, and that's a really long time. Unfortunately, it's also possible that you've created this image of her that is nothing how she is in real life. Yes sure, you guys talk a lot and you know what she thinks about things, and you feel really close with her, but you are still the one interpreting her words. And it's so easy to misinterpret things online. I'm sure you both are infatuated with each other. I dont think she made that up for the last year, however, I think the stress of the long term relationship is starting to creep in. You're getting tired of being online all the time. She's getting addicted to another game. And she even got married with another guy. That means she's been talking to this other guy for a while now, long enough to want to get "married". I think you both reached a point where it's time to decide what is going to happen with this relationship, and i think the only way to do that is to finally meet or give up. Do you have any plans to meet in the near future?
Author spingle Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 Actually, I'm leaving for my new job in about 15 minutes. This job was/is going to fund the "meet" that we had planned for a month or two from around now. I'm absolutely willing to fly down to see where things might go. It's been a year, and wouldn't be but another 5-7 weeks before I'd have enough to make it worthwhile. Originally we had plans that she would come here, but her mom recently lost her job, and things have become very stressed. She doesn't want to leave her mom high and dry, so won't be making the trip here (at least anytime in the near future). The "married" thing has me worried heh. I understand its just a game, but it's real people on the other end. Like you said, it's not just "hey lets get married!". But, I don't want her to think I'm controlling or nothing, so I don't even want to bring it up. I really, really, omg, really miss her right now. It sucks heh.
dgiirl Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 lol Try and be realistic about the situation tho. Three things are going to happen. 1) As you make more concrete plans for your visit, one of you might freak out and call the relationship off (maybe that's what's already starting to happen). 2) You're going to make the trip, and one or both of you will realize there is no chemistry 3) You're going to fall madly in love and get married. Try and remember that you really dont know this person. Try and go with no expectations, and if things go sour, dont regret making the visit. If you're going to regret going if things go sour, dont go.
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