choclitgal Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I have been with a man 16 years my senior since I was 21 years old. We have been through alot from fights to cheating. I will be 30 this year (no kids) and have not lived my life the way I should have. I feel like I could be doing lots of other things, but I do love my mate. Should I go and satisfy the things I desire, and if so, how do I approach him? (note: we've had a couple of tense break ups already)please reply any little bit of advice helps. thanks!
skeptik224 Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 It's funny because my ex went through what you're going through now. She was in 2 consecutive relationships totalling 17 years. Needless to say, she then got involved with me. She felt the same as you do in that she had never been single, gone out and party, date around, etc...and although she loved me, it was something that she needed to do. She wanted to do the things that many of us experienced when we were 21 or so. My advice to you would be to go do what it is you feel you need to do. It doesn't matter that you and your mate have had break ups or arguments. What matters is that you don't end up resenting him 5 or 10 years from now. You'd always have the "what if's." It sucks being on the other end of it, I know. However, you both will be better off. I don't necessary agree with my exes actions, but she has to do what she has to do...just like you do
ImWithHer Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I don't know a lot, but I do know one thing: We only get one shot at this life thing. If you live your life unhappy, then you've wasted it. Also, if you're unhappy, you're eventually gonna make your partner unhappy as well. If you DO still love them then you need to ask yourself some serious questions. Can you do the things that will fulfill you if you stay with him? Why not? If you can't then you need to decide if the fulfillment is worth losing someone you love. Only you can answer that. Since you have no kids, a separation might be an ideal way of discovering what you really want. Sometimes creating a temporary distance from the things that confuse and confound us brings amazing clarity. You may find that you simply can't live without him. Or you may discover that you don't need him as much as you thought you did. Approaching someone with something like this can be difficult. Go out to a nice dinner, somewhere comfortable on neutral ground, and start by explaining your feelings. Let him know that you feel unfulfilled in some areas of your life. Tell him you love him, but feel like you've missed so much and time is running out. He may surprise you with some suggestions of his own. I wish the best of luck to you!
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