tanbark813 Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 The gf and I got into it again last night. Karaoke night seems to prompt a lot of fights. Things started off rough when a group of 4 guys walked in. My gf gets up mid-sentence, walks over to one of the guys, hugs him, and talks to him for a few minutes. He walks off and she sits down. tanbark: "Thanks for introducing me." gf: "I was waiting for you to walk over." Whatever. Anyway, she's not really all that supportive of me when I get up to sing. She's getting better about clapping for me but she doesn't really give me any feedback. After I did my second song last night and sat down, I didn't even get something as simple as "Good job." She just gave me s*** for the song I picked. In all fairness, the poor mood was due to the earlier introduction incident, but still. On the drive home I told her that even though it's something small and seemingly silly, getting positive feedback from my own gf about something I love to do is important to me. Her response to that is that I have enough of an attitude (in terms of cockiness and confidence on stage) that she doesn't want to compliment me and instead feels the need to humble me. I remarked that those two are essentially opposing ideas. She resolved to try and be more supportive but is it really that hard? I don't think I'm asking too much to get a little verbal feedback.
catgirl1927 Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 She sounds like a meanypants. That's not very nice at all. Why would she need to humble you? Not nice.
Author tanbark813 Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 Why would she need to humble you? She doesn't like that I'm cocky. And while I admit that I am, a lot of it is just to be funny and make her laugh or roll her eyes. She told me last night she thought it was just an act to get girls and that I wasn't really like that, or if I was, she could change that about me.
blind_otter Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Her response to that is that I have enough of an attitude (in terms of cockiness and confidence on stage) that she doesn't want to compliment me and instead feels the need to humble me. I remarked that those two are essentially opposing ideas. I would be pissed off about this comment. Whose place is it to humble you or take you down a peg? When is that ever good? Maybe helping someone come back to reality, eg all the crazies who think they can sing well during the first few episodes of American Idol -- obviously someone should have helped them out with a reality check. But that's not the same as humbling or shaming someone. That just seems mean.
catgirl1927 Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I still think it's mean. It sounds like she wants you to feel bad about yourself or something. I don't like it.
blind_otter Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 She doesn't like that I'm cocky. And while I admit that I am, a lot of it is just to be funny and make her laugh or roll her eyes. She told me last night she thought it was just an act to get girls and that I wasn't really like that, or if I was, she could change that about me. run away! RUN AWAY!
Author tanbark813 Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 I wouldn't go so far as to say she wants me to feel bad about myself, she just doesn't want me to feel good about myself.
catgirl1927 Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 run away! RUN AWAY! No kidding. I'm going to go ahead a call controlling bitch on this one. Why would anyone ever want another person to feel bad about themselves unless they were just the most cruel and bad person ever?
blind_otter Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 All I'm saying is, haven't you read the threads about women who are with men that they want to change and the men who are unhappy about someone wanting them to change.....ad nauseum?
Author tanbark813 Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 All I'm saying is, haven't you read the threads about women who are with men that they want to change and the men who are unhappy about someone wanting them to change.....ad nauseum? Indeed. I guess I'm not running for the hills because this is the only thing she's tried to change. I told her last night with all certainty that it wouldn't change and she would just have to accept it.
catgirl1927 Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 All I'm saying is, haven't you read the threads about women who are with men that they want to change and the men who are unhappy about someone wanting them to change.....ad nauseum? This is the wiser approach. If there is something fundamental about you that she wants to change, this is not the girl for you.
blind_otter Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Indeed. I guess I'm not running for the hills because this is the only thing she's tried to change. I told her last night with all certainty that it wouldn't change and she would just have to accept it. wooo-hoo-hoooo. I guarantee that if she went into the relationship wanting to change THAT about you, there's more on the list. I used to be one of those girls -- looking for "fixer uppers". Really just seeking external validation for my idea that all relationships end in a firey blaze, which was faulty thinking on my part.
Author tanbark813 Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 wooo-hoo-hoooo. I guarantee that if she went into the relationship wanting to change THAT about you, there's more on the list. I used to be one of those girls -- looking for "fixer uppers". Really just seeking external validation for my idea that all relationships end in a firey blaze, which was faulty thinking on my part. Hmmmm.. Well she did say something about me having "potential". I suppose there could have been other things on her list.
kitten chick Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 This isn't a case of her being a monster or evil or a bitch. This is a cut and dry case of incompatability. I think even you know that TB.
Author tanbark813 Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 I think even you know that TB. "Even" me? With my tiny, male mind? Actually it's starting to look like that might be the case.
kitten chick Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 "Even" me? With my tiny, male mind? you said it not me! I meant because it's often difficult sometimes to see things as they really are when the situation is too close to us. Often outsiders see things before we do.
blind_otter Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Hmmmm.. Well she did say something about me having "potential". I suppose there could have been other things on her list. My oldest sister is married to this fat loser who won't have sex with her. Whenever she talks about him she says "I love him for the man I know he could be...."
Author tanbark813 Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 My oldest sister is married to this fat loser who won't have sex with her. Whenever she talks about him she says "I love him for the man I know he could be...." Yikes. (10 character post limits are teh ghey.)
alphamale Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Whatever. Anyway, she's not really all that supportive of me when I get up to sing. Maybe you're not that good at singing and she's trying to be nice by not saying anything negative?
Author tanbark813 Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 Maybe you're not that good at singing and she's trying to be nice by not saying anything negative? No, that can't be it.
serial muse Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Maybe you're not that good at singing and she's trying to be nice by not saying anything negative? tee hee, i was wondering the exact same thing.
Author tanbark813 Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 tee hee, i was wondering the exact same thing. My band: http://www.myspace.com/melbajenkins
serial muse Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 My band: http://www.myspace.com/melbajenkins Touche. Way to put up.
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