Sassy Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I personally get freaked out if a guy says "You won't be able to get rid of me" which in my mind translates to "HI, I am a potential stalker." I agree with Artholomew. Cut off the sex. That was my thought as well Blind!! Fatal attraction .
Author basscatcher Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 Charlie called me while I was at RCIA classes and asked if I wanted to meet up later. I told him I couldn't because I was in class. then I had to pick a gf up at the airport and then we were giong to my place. He said ok enjoy your time with your gf. You don't get to see her that often. Then he calls later at 11pm..After he had been out drinking. Why? Why do men call up with nothing to say? Was he missing me and wanted to connect and then he didn't know how or what to say to me? He didn't have much of anything to say. Why call unless you have something you want to talk about. I know Charlie isn't going to pass me off easily if/when I finally chose to end this relationship with him. I can't seem to make myself make a solid decision. This is very hard. He calls late last night and shares with me he ran into some of his 'female' friends. I commented that he had one to many and I could hear it in his voice. He denied it and chuckled.. So I dropped it. He told me it was the girls from the front office at his complex.. These women use to take him out and get his drunk before I came along. So now he is back socializing with them because he's pushed me away for 2 weeks?? I hate this shyt.. I feel angry and I feel hurt. This sux's.. Also; He admitted to me that the last time he and I went out he went out the next night himself and two girls were all over him and one had her hands down his shirt. He said he had a hard time getting them off of him. (he was laughing while telling me this.) Gawd I wanted to reach through the phone and slap him.. I think he told me this to scare me. I told him about Kevin last weekend so maybe he felt the need to toss a threat back that he has women all over him also... I did feel jealousy and fear creep in. It almost made me feel nausious. It kinda hurt.
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 He is backing you into a corner, being a little s***head so YOU will break up with him as it seems to me he doesn't have the BALLS to say, I'm sorry but it's over... Why else would he be spilling it, letting you know about other women?? To make HIM look good, that he is desirable by others so you won't let him go? WTF. Don't talk to him unless he's sober. Make that a rule for yourself to spare you the pain of dealing with his 'drunken' spoutoffs.
2sunny Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 anyone notice that : hurt sick slow and WAIT are all four letter words???
Author basscatcher Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 He's always told me about his 'female' friends and how they use to pick him up, get him drunk and drop him off at home. He told me that he hasn't hung with them or any of his other friends since I came into his life. He said he hasn't connected with anyone. I told him he can't blame me for that because he is the one who choses what he is gong to do and I don't control him. I told him it was his choice to make plans with me all the time and dismiss them. He agreed. Now after all these months he tells me he went out for a beer and ran into them and visited with them. He was obvioiusly intoxicated. I could hear it in his voice upon answering the phone. (This is the state that he is really loving and affectionate in) I wasn't overly sweet to him on the phone and he became defensive and a little sarcastic. I put him on the spot and told him if he is going to use that tone with me I will hang up because I don't want to talk to him. He mellowed out and said ok. I asked him why he called and he said 'because..' I asked why and he said he just did.. The man didn't know why he was calling me at 11pm??? WTH
Author basscatcher Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 anyone notice that : hurt sick slow and WAIT are all four letter words??? and your point is????
Art_Critic Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Pada.. Answer me this ? Why do you want a drunk in your life ?
2sunny Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 the point is think a bit about how those very simple four letter words are all affecting your happiness in life because you are compromising your long term priorities... boils down to very simple four letter words - in the end
Walk Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Gotta say this... I'm a shyt too... but when a guy I'm seeing, tells me about another girl, and also tells me he's thinking of breaking up with me even if I never brought up breaking up or other people... it makes me want to retailiate. So if you brought up Kevin first, and breaking up, and he's only now bringing up other women... it may be just a juvenile, sub-conscious ploy to get you to fear losing him. Not saying he's doing it to be an azz.. I don't know. It may be jealous that's driving his thinking, and he may not be thinking clearly. I'm not in his head, so I don't know... but as I understood it, you were the first to bring up other people and also in breaking off the relationship. So I don't think its fair that you should get jealous. Plus... how many times has he gone out with these women and gone home and had sex with them afterwards? If never, then you are allowing your emotions to over throw what's real. In that he's not screwing other people, and he's not looking to replace you. He was at the bar, ran into people he used to see all the time, and had drinks with them.... He called you because he was thinking of you. Otherwise he would've had something to talk about. Why do you think he called you? Why did he used to call you? Did he have specific things to talk about then? Can he only call you only when he has something important to say? Or only when he has something you want to hear? I really dislike how the majority on here will make a person out to be evil and manipulative the second a relationship starts to have problems. It's been 6 months Pada. Go back and review his actions with you during that time period. He had women after him then, and he never wanted them. The difference is that you weren't pissed at him then. Judge his actions on the 6 months. Not two weeks. He didn't hide his personality from you. He hasn't turned into an evil stalker who only wants you for sex. Those are generalizations based on a small portion of what you have told us clouded through your anger and hurt. Review the whole, the bigger picture. If afterward you can see that you overlooked parts of his personality that are now shinning through, then this is the real him. But if what you saw is someone dedicated and loving (if not affectionate) then I think you're twisting his actions and words to fit a villian you've created in your head. personal opinion... take it or leave it.
Author basscatcher Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 Pada.. Answer me this ? Why do you want a drunk in your life ? I don't want a drunk!! But I don't want someone who can't drink either. I like to go out dancing. I like having a few drinks once in awhile.. I realize Charlie drinks more then just a social drink.. I don't shy away from someone who drinks unless he becomes abusive towards me physically or vocally. I guess you could say I am conditioned to be somewhat numb to alcoholism unless it is acted out in obviously offensive forms.. Both my grandfathers, my father, my brother, many of my uncles a few of my aunts are alcoholics. My step-father was the most amazing man in the world to us and he was an alcoholic.. Yes the alcohol will ruin the health of the drinker I understand that. I also have seen how destructive he can be when the persons mood and personality are affected by it... I rarely rarely rarely ever meet anyone who doesn't drink or who hasn't had a drinking problem... Every city I have lived and almost everyone I have met in my life drinks.. I went 4 years not drinking at all and not going to clubs.. I went through that time where I wasn't out with people and I everyone I met drank--no the proper word is 'Partyed Hard"... Minnesota has a lot of alcoholism in it. It is not a easy state to live in.. I don't know what the statistics are per state but ND and MN I bet are high.. I wish I could meet a guy who hasn't had problems with Alcohol in any way and it would feel like a miracle to me..
blind_otter Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I really dislike how the majority on here will make a person out to be evil and manipulative the second a relationship starts to have problems. I would have to disagree with this statement. Considering my relationships anyways. Hell, the guy I'm dating has choked me until I was unconscious but when I got back together with him no one told me I was stupid or lambasted me.
alphamale Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Minnesota has a lot of alcoholism in it. WTF else is there to do during six months of cold winters except for drink yerself silly? Northern Michigan has the same problem....they're mostly trailer trash living off minimum-wage jobs and drinking Boone's Farm 24/7...
Author basscatcher Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 So if you brought up Kevin first, and breaking up, and he's only now bringing up other women... it may be just a juvenile, sub-conscious ploy to get you to fear losing him. Not saying he's doing it to be an azz.. I don't know. It may be jealous that's driving his thinking, and he may not be thinking clearly. I'm not in his head, so I don't know... but as I understood it, you were the first to bring up other people and also in breaking off the relationship. So I don't think its fair that you should get jealous. No I didn't talk about another guy before this. This is the first. He HAS brought up other women. He use to talk about them all the frickin time. He talked so much about other women it would create jealousy in me. Then he would overkill trying to explain that there is nothing going on between him with them. But he would brag about how wonderful, nice, good looking, fun they are.. So jealousy was instilled in me long before I had any guy hit on me.. He has always told me about women hitting on him. I never said anything of the sort to him because I NEVER went out to a club or bar without him. He always goes to clubs and bars without me. He sets himself up to be hit on by patronizing those places alone. Over killing your explaination is like being guilty. The more you panic to explain yourself and over explain the deeper the hole you are digging yourself into. Plus... how many times has he gone out with these women and gone home and had sex with them afterwards? If never, then you are allowing your emotions to over throw what's real. In that he's not screwing other people, and he's not looking to replace you. He was at the bar, ran into people he used to see all the time, and had drinks with them.... These women he puts up on pedestels. I've heard him brag about these girls.. Drives me frickin nuts. He can say good things about other women but he can't say anything good about me to me. Not even a compliment. Geeze. He called you because he was thinking of you. Otherwise he would've had something to talk about. Why do you think he called you? Why did he used to call you? Did he have specific things to talk about then? Can he only call you only when he has something important to say? Or only when he has something you want to hear? Whenever he has called me he usually wants to catch up with our days. He talks to me like a husband and wife do when they get home at the end of the day. They catch up on the days events to share with one another. He had talked to me earlier 2xs. Why did he feel the need to talk to me again after he just had his female fill of the other girls?? I talked to him at 7:35 pm and at 8:30.. I think about him ALL THE time but I don't call him all the time. Rarely do I call him.. I really dislike how the majority on here will make a person out to be evil and manipulative the second a relationship starts to have problems. It's been 6 months Pada. Go back and review his actions with you during that time period. I have looked back and what I see is an unsteady pattern. It shows he doesn't know what he wants and it confirms what he is saying now. He had women after him then, and he never wanted them. The difference is that you weren't pissed at him then. Judge his actions on the 6 months. Not two weeks. He didn't hide his personality from you. He hasn't turned into an evil stalker who only wants you for sex. Those are generalizations based on a small portion of what you have told us clouded through your anger and hurt. Review the whole, the bigger picture. If afterward you can see that you overlooked parts of his personality that are now shinning through, then this is the real him. But if what you saw is someone dedicated and loving (if not affectionate) then I think you're twisting his actions and words to fit a villian you've created in your head. personal opinion... take it or leave it. I often wonder if he has been loyal to me. He claims he has, he promises he has, he says he isn't interested in the women he talks too. He has admitted and still admitts his XGF still has power over him. He said she still gets to him.... She still has a way with him.. He still has deep feelings for her.. BUT he claims he hasn't returned her calls, answered her calls or communicated with her in any way. I can't help but think he is lying to me. My gutt says different.. He has denied things that come out later as true. I have caught him in little white lies that he has done so as not to upset me. He keeps certain things from me so I don't get upset then he has to deal with confrontation.. I just don't know.. I am so uneasy and uncomfortable with a lot of stuff regarding him. Yet there is so many wonderful and admirable qualities in him. I have deep feelings for him Yet he is always hurting my feelings Is it the illusiion of the dream I want with him (or anyone) that I am having a hard time letting go?? I so desperately feel deeply about finding a wonderful man to share our lives together. I am not getting any younger and I'm nearing 40... I NEVER WANTED TO BE SINGLE AT THIS AGE... My dream was to find a wonderful man, get married, have 5 children, live in a house (not a apt or mobile home), have a garden, both have jobs we are happy with and work through the struggles of life together... Hell I'm no where, any where near what I wanted or strived for.... The older I get the less and less I trust men but I am so attracted to men that I don't give up.. I think I'm gonna end up like my aunt.. She is old, single, alone, lonely, lives in a mobile home, is always sick and she has no one... I am walking in almost her same shoes... I am scared... I am scared of being alone.. I am scared mostly of being without a partner in life. I want a good man in my life damn it...... Is this my struggle with Charlie?? He has many many wonderful qualities and I don't want to give them up... His inablikity to be emotionally available to me and affectionate is hurting deeply... I feel like a train wreck...
Art_Critic Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I don't want a drunk!! But I don't want someone who can't drink either. I like to go out dancing. I like having a few drinks once in awhile.. sone with your background needs to have someone in their life that doesn't drink or that drinks socially.. By the way.. I don't drink and I love to go to dance clubs .. Just because my glass has Sprite in it doesn't affect anything. and I'm a blast to be out with.. how drunk someone is has nothing to do with the kind of time someone has.
alphamale Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 ... His inablikity to be emotionally available to me and affectionate is hurting deeply... I must disagree....it is actually increasing your attraction to him. I feel like a train wreck... i'm sorry that you feel bad.
2sunny Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I must disagree....it is actually increasing your attraction to him. i'm sorry that you feel bad. alpha... is that YOU being compassionate?
Author basscatcher Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 I must disagree....it is actually increasing your attraction to him. I disagree. It's not making me more attracted to him. It's actully making me feel desperate and panicy... I almost called him this morning to see if we could meet up tonight at his place... I wanted to see how he would react seeing me again after 2 weeks apart. Then I became afraid I would come on to him too strong and seduce him into bed to fill my loneliness and abandonment I've been enduring during this seperation.. I feel too needy and dependant right now. I don't feel balanced or healthy anymore.. This whole situation is bringing out the old me that I worked so hard to change... Even my 'alpha male' friend told me I am going backwards... He use to see little possitive steps forward and now I've been recoiling. I have to move forward and I am so scared too.
Author basscatcher Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 alpha... is that YOU being compassionate? Yes, he has a compassionate side to him.. . He is human.. If you pay attention you will see it from time to time. It is good..
MadDog Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I think you need to take a break. It sounds like your life's pretty unstable right now. Why don't you solve the issues that are in your life first and then worry about a relationship instead of the other way around? I'm sure it's not too fun for your guy to have to go through the drama either. MD
2sunny Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Yes, he has a compassionate side to him.. . He is human.. If you pay attention you will see it from time to time. It is good.. I like it... it's good to see....
Mz. Pixie Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I have to be honest and I say that I've considered the fact that Charlie may be back in contact with his ex gf. I've thought about that before......he's NUTS if he wants to get back with her- but as we all know his actions haven't been the smartest in relationships thus far so who knows? Pada, I can't believe that you put up with him throwing all those other women in your face like that. That is so disrespectful, IMO. I just posted something on Tan's thread about that kind of stuff. It's not so much that the women flirted with him, but his actions. My H got flirted with the other night at his other job. The woman told him how cute he was and stuff and he said, "And very happily married" When a man is in a relationship he shouldn't be letting women hang on him or do things like that, even if he's not married, but only exclusive. To me, for him to throw these women in your face like that it doesn't show much respect for you and it's almost as if he feels he needs to do that for his own self esteem in ways. Otherwise why would he need to make that big of a deal out of it? He did this even when the relationship was "on"?? And telling you all these great things about these other women when you were the woman in his life and he wouldn't talk nicely about you?? Art is right about the drinking part. You do not have to have a man that drinks to have a good time. I drink rarely but my H never does but we still have fun if we go dancing or out to dinner. I bet if you talked to some of the other women in his life previously you'd begin to see a pattern of actions.
alphamale Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Art is right about the drinking part. You do not have to have a man that drinks to have a good time. I drink rarely but my H never does but we still have fun if we go dancing or out to dinner. You are correct MZ. PiXIE but American society is built around the consumption of alcohol. There is a liquor store or bar on every block. Every 3rd ad on TV is for beer. College binge-drinking is an epidemic. Holidays revolved around alcohol. St. Patties day....etc. Nowadays its like if you don't drink people look at you weird or think you're a boring person. Now, mind you, alpha himself can down quite a few bacardi and diet cokes with heavy lime
MadDog Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Nowadays its like if you don't drink people look at you weird or think you're a boring person. Now, mind you, alpha himself can down quite a few bacardi and diet cokes with heavy lime Dude. If you drink bacardi with DIET coke, you aren't an alphamale. What's the deal?? MD
Author basscatcher Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 I think you need to take a break. It sounds like your life's pretty unstable right now. Why don't you solve the issues that are in your life first and then worry about a relationship instead of the other way around? I'm sure it's not too fun for your guy to have to go through the drama either. MD I do need a break.. A solid break--without the commitment between us.. The exclusivity sets my values in place that he and I need to talk this out and make things work out or at least try. He isn't trying or talking so I feel to erradicate my need to work on things I need to make the break. Remove the exclusivity so if I fall into anothe mans arms (of course the wrong way..) I won't have the guilt of betrayal just the guilt of my own failure.. This drama was started by Charlie... He created this.. Yes, I am responsible for my own actions, words and thoughts. My reactions have been because of his lack of respect for me as a person--getting involved with me and persuing me before he was ready. Everythng (all the drama, confusion) flows from that!! My pain is a cause from me accepting him and him not being honest with himself from the beginning...
Art_Critic Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Nowadays its like if you don't drink people look at you weird or think you're a boring person. I have to disagree with this.. I haven't had a drink in almost 19 years and I have lived thru that age.. it was the 80's/early 90's.. I'm fun... With MADD and organizations and even corporations bringing education on drinking/domestic abuse and drunk driving we as a society no longer think that way Alpha.. Getting drunk or being the drunk is no longer acceptable behavior in most situations anymore Staying/driving sober is seen as responsible
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