juliainoz Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Not really knowing what i want here - i dont know if i want advice or just a sounding board......but..... I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 months, and everything is good, we see each other 3-4 times a week, he accepts my son, he is very fourthcoming with his feelings for me, and was very affectionate......until just recently. I cant complain about his affection at night or in the morning in the bedroom, but during the day, i am finding it hard to come to terms with his lack of affection. Im a very affectionate person, i like holding my boyfriends hand when we are out - most of the time - i mean if we have to seperate our hands, thats cool - but i love being close. He was like this until recently - now he can go places or spend all day with me without really holding my hand much. I asked him about it - and he said he feels the same way about me as he did before, and that he cant do it 24 hrs a day, and when relationships arent new anymore things kinda die down. The thing is I know I love him, and its the comfortable type of love (most times) but i want some lust - and not just in the bedroom (plenty of it there - lots of passion and stuff) - i want it during the day as well. Is it too much to ask for? am i expecting too much? he said he will see what he can do, and knows its important to me, but really i know i shouldnt be asking him to do things, he should be able to do them for himself. If you think i am being over clingy - which i spose i am in a way at times - how do u make ur mind feel comfortable without being so close - its just when we are talking to each other and holding each other - i feel so close.....but when we arent close to each other, touching - i feel so out of it - and i make it an issue............... i spose what i really want to know is how do u get comfortable with less affection?
blind_otter Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 You don't, AFAIK. You only grow the resent the person who is making you change your needs over time.
Author juliainoz Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 yeah he doesnt want me to change or compromise - he wants me to be me - but me as i said to him needs affection i think im finding it hard going from - cant keep his hands off me - to not very much.
blind_otter Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 yeah he doesnt want me to change or compromise - he wants me to be me - but me as i said to him needs affection i think im finding it hard going from - cant keep his hands off me - to not very much. It's a progression that happens as you get to know someone. 3 months isn't that long, long enough to start seeing their real personality rather than the "best behavior" we often show at the beginning of a relationship. So it's weird to expect things to remain the same way as they were in the honeymoon period -- it just won't happen. And it's good to hold back on making a full committment with anyone until you get past this point. Seems like you're just getting to know the real him, and you aren't as happy with the level of physical affection you receive publicly. If you've discussed it with him and he seems unwilling to compromise, then you're kind of stuck.
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